I am the same person, I had an old JoeH profile that I must have used a few times. JoeC and JoeH are one in the same.  I appreciate people answering these questions, I know tthey are helpful for the  larger forum, and they are also helpful as I/we move forward to help with better support, information, data on the straight spouse phenomenon. 

Thanks everyone
Joe 

We all have come here for support. We read, we comment, we ask questions. We all follow a similar yet different path, and find meaning from this group in different ways. Some stay connected here, some come and go, and some are no longer here.  I learn from others, and I like to hear from others experiences. I have so many questions, but today I am most interested in what is it like, what has it it been like for you "after" as you move forward in life. What I am interested in, is where are you now and how did you get there?  Questions include, are you happy, at peace, how are the kids, did you move, change jobs, chase that dream that you always wanted but were held back by your GEX? Was there a magic moment, something that clicked and it all fell into place?  Are you still working on it, do you see prosperity ahead? I am not one to dwell on the negative, its been one heck of a year, I am looking forward to something different, but haven't found it yet. I am still working. 

If this kind of film were around 30 years ago, and society was what it was today then I would hope that my ex might have gotten the courage when she was 14 to actually talk to someone about what she was feeling in terms of her sexuality. She didn't address who she was because of fear and shame and not knowing anyone around her who was gay. We need more of these films (no matter how cliché or canned). Maybe that young teenager will see the film and make the right choice in life.

Its tough when you are with someone you love and care about. You want to make it work so bad. Divorce isn't an easy decision, but often its the right one in these situations. A year before I got divorced my ex casually told me she thinks shes a lesbian. It was unexpected, and hurt me and I didn't react well too it. Well, within a few days she walked back her statement to "well no really I am bisexual and you are the only man I love, so lets keep doing what we are doing"   She continued a close friendship/relationship with her now girlfriend, and I kept attempting to get her back to what it was in our relationship without luck. Fast forward a year later and we headed to a divorce. I don't wish divorce on anyone, but what I would say is have the blunt honest conversation about who she is. My ex told me that "she didn't want to be gay" that she really wanted the family and kids and husband etc....ultimately, she was struggling for a lot longer than I will ever know and she won't tell me the whole truth because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings to this day. Its not easy, but I would suggest that blunt honest conversation.

I am a straight man, and here is my perspective. I was married for 20 years when my GEX came out as gay. When I was married, What I thought was right for intimate relations I justified, rationalized and it became normalized in life. I never had a frank, open discussion with anyone about what was actually going on in their intimate sex life. Porn isn't real, advice columns tend to be soft and broad in their statements and advice, and sex talk is taboo. I absolutely wish we all talked about the intimate side (not just sex) of a relationship because had I talked about it, I would have really questioned earlier in the marriage.
Looking back with a new lens what do I see now?
What do two newlyweds do on a honeymoon, a lot of sex right?  Well we didn't do that!  We hiked and took in the sights.
Sex was always intermittent, never spontaneous and was often planned or spoken about as "lets connect" always from me.
Intimate connection in all ways declined over the years, with the most drastic after our last child was born; makes sense now, the reason for sex on her part was fulfilled.
I can count the times oral sex was either received or performed, the conversation as to why not was around "I just don't like it or I am not good at it or you aren't doing it right" a lot of shaming.
Sex - when it happened, well it was just sex, no build up, foreplay, no excitement, no real fun.
I thought I was the problem, that I was bad at the intimate connection and sex, so to correct it I got really good at sex, read books, watched videos, research, etc to do everything to please my GEX, Eventually I could please my GEX to some degree. Now though I am sure she was thinking of women while having sex.
She would never deep kiss me, or look me in the eyes during sex.
There was never any playful groping or touching or anything like that outside of the bedroom.
I could walk through the house naked and she wouldn't even look up or comment.
She would get annoyed if I even tried to randomly get pla