ehgreen wrote:

Is anyone else just super embarrassed about people finding out your ex is gay.......My ex came now it feels like it's a brand new cut. all raw and painful.

 No....actually I'd have more respect for him I'd he was a bit more honest with the people who know him

 Elle
 

Thanks
I am just more embarrassed that I was married to a gay man.  When we got divorced, we had a lot of other problems, that people didn't even ask why we got divorced. and I never told any one. But now that he is officially out, people will know.
How do I get over caring what others think?

I only tell the truth of it all to the people I trust. Otherwise, just tell them you ended the relationship due to "irreconcilable differences." That should give the hint that you don't want to talk about it. 

Yes, there are several aspects that are embarrassing. My husband is so...flamboyant... even though he is fully closeted, that I’m embarrassed at how many people must have known or suspected he was gay (trans) and how many people must have been shocked when he married my young 18 yr old self. I know my brother was surprised, but he just never explained it fully to me.
I get embarrassed when I think about how I was bragging to people about how much he loved me, that he wouldn’t have sex before marriage, even though we slept side by side for almost a year before marriage.
It’s embarrassing to think about people wondering how we conceived all the kids. I feel they must know he laid there with his eyes closed fantasizing about penises.
I get embarrassed thinking people might not believe me. Lots of people think gay men CAN’T have sex with a woman, but that’s not true... while they’re still young they can totally just close their eyes and get the job done if necessary.

But on the flip side; I wish so badly that my husband would come out of his closet. I am sick to death of pretending we have any sort of marriage. I can’t wait to get divorced. If he came out it would also help the divorce happen a lot sooner and help him not be so furious at me when I want a divorce but he wants me to hide behind.

NOTE I WILL ALSO TRY TO POST THIS IN A NEW THREAD!  I APOLOGIZE FOR OVERRIDING THE ORIGINAL POSTER'S POST!


I'm not embarrassed!!!
 am angry as heck!   
I'm angry that after 38 years of marriage, 41 together.  We met in high school.  Had three son's.  Lost our youngest to an overdose in 2013. While he was alive he TRIED to convince me of who his dad was!  At the time I totally discounted my son!  I never said a word to my now ex. This is what now grieves my heart more than anything...my son!!!  
My ex planned out the divorce and I can't tell you how deceptive he was and STILL is!!!. He is and has always been about himself and his own 'self" preservation.  It is now even more clear!!!!  God is so good!!!
The divorce was gleefully initiated by my now ex!  He really thought he was pulling the wool over my eyes and he was going to dictate the terms and the conditions of our divorce and drag me over the finish line !!!  GOD had a different plan and I was given a huge (GIFT) piece of the puzzle that allowed me to connect the past.  Without this GIFT I would have never went back into my past memories with our son!   THIS IS WHAT GRIEVES MY SOUL!!!  That my youngest son has been vindicated from the grave!!   
ROB I love your post and how you gave another lady on this forum such great advice.  GET OUT OF THE CLOSET!!  IRRECONCILABLE SIMILARITIES ....MARRIED TO THE WRONG GENDER.   Your advice to her really helped me!!   This has been a very mind twisting difficult journey!   I kept my mouth shut during our divorce and did not play the conduct card until the end.  I only told him if he did not take my offer to settle we'd need to go to trial and if that be the case we'd need to schedule depositions since his conduct had not yet been fleshed out.  It wasn't long that he decided to fold and take my offer...saying he was just wanting to move on. YEAH RIGHT!!!!
So that was in mid March.  (He move out of our beautiful home in the beginning of last Oct.) so finally mid March the house was put on market and it sold in July.  
I had been waiting for 10 grueling long months to get my closure..... more so to let him know about our son and call him out on his SECRET BULL SHIT!  
I decided it was best to send him a video.  I did not give him any details but I was very CLEAR that when our son was alive he tried to convince me that "YOU were G-A-Y,  yes GAY, Gay (ex's name)!"   I let him know that when he divorced me he shaved off his beard and that I was not in the closest.  I told him I had nothing to hide and that I would not hide this ...although I had not said anything to our grown son's and that I thought he owed them an explanation! .....   Of course I rec'd no acknowledgement.   And I'm not surprised!!!    He will say This is all a mental STRETCH!   I've lost my mind!!!l
I so thought that would be enough closure for me but now my ex is my biggest ITCH!!!    We have two  grown son's that I have not said a word to....Oh yes came very close but I want the ex to OUT himself!! 
The ex has always been very private and ALL about his self preservation.   I feel like as long as he doesn't come clean he is holding me hostage...mostly because of our grown son's!!!   My thoughts are now to send out another closure video but this time to friends (more so now his friends).  I believe my ex is banking on me not being in contact with them and I'm like oh yeah??? Watch me!!!   In doing this little gesture.... I feel like I am speaking my closure to them!  At least the'll know my TRUTH!
Much like Rob on this forum was saying "you tell one friend at a time and if they do not believe you they aren't your friends."  Yes I have evidence but I do not feel like offering that up.  I owe that to no one!!! 
Just knowing what my son told me is enough to expose to others no deep details!
So please you all what are your thoughts!!    I just want the ex to LIVE HIS TRUTH!  Like I told him he finally grew balls to leave me, but he still doesn't have the balls to come out of the closest!   I even told him that I wasn't the homophobe  that he was!!!

Luke 8:17