Hi JoeC,

I decided not to move though the memories of our life there and in the neighborhood were difficult to face.  I had to switch places we shopped together to bear the pain. It’s better. Am mostly annoyed that I married him.

After he passed away, I lived in the country my parents were from for 6 months. It made me appreciate my home. I dated a man there who was masculine, had a job, worked hard, paid his own bills, heterosexual.  He was a cheater, so he did share something in common with my late GIDXH.  That ended very quickly. I wasn’t ready to date after TGT.

If you can afford to change up your career path to suit yourself, do it!  It took me a while to realize I had no one to answer to but myself. It’s great!

Hi longwayhome,

My situation was unique where he was in denial to me ( not to himself, though) and us living in a liberal, gay friendly city.  He could walk out the door & find other gay men everywhere at any time. No shame meeting or showing affection in public to a man or a person undergoing MTF transition. My job is tech and he was not tech savvy at all. I knew where to look for history & deleted items on tech items. Not one thing.  He left behind a laptop when he passed away 1000 miles from me. I wish I could get my hands on it to snoop post-Morten.  Assume his family took it.

He undoubtedly had his routine of hooking up planned when he was in high school when the internet didn’t exist for regular people. No need to search for virtual partners.

I’ve told a few people my ex was gay & they don’t believe me. No reason to stay in the closet here, right? No fear or workplace discrimination. I think he struck out looking for a gay sugar daddy & went to young, naive women who were hard working & honest. I thought he was gay when we first met. Other coworkers treated him as straight. I thought I was wrong.

I lived this and Sean brought it up in this post that GID are often very abusive to their straight spouse to keep themselves in the closet. Mine was.  He gave clues like talking about gay life out of the blue and did this often.  They play detective or keep asking the GID if they are gay. It’s best to leave due to the unbearable narcissism rather than waiting for a slip up to find evidence. Great advice from Sean!


https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?pid=28823#

It’s post #1683.

I would contribute to a new area or thread like our stories where we post but no response is allowed on lessons we’ve learned to get out of a fraudulent marriage to a closeted LGBTQ+.  Thanks for bringing that up. It’s a fantastic idea. It’s been uncharted waters for me, besides this forum.

Hope all goes well for you on your way out of your marriage.

Best,
Maria

Last edited by MJM017 (April 21, 2021 4:15 pm)