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July 9, 2020 10:24 am  #1

Question for a straight man

I know there are a few straight men on this board and I was wondering if any would be willing to answer a question for me. My husband (who I suspect is GID) has never asked me to perform oral on him in our 20 years of marriage. Maybe thats not that odd...I don't know. I have performed it on him anyway because I enjoy doing it and I feel like I am good at it (I read articles about how to do it the best way etc). When I ask him why he doesn't want me to do it, he has said in the past that he feels like it is demeaning to me. I've told him countless times that I enjoy it and I don't feel that way. When I have performed oral on him, he won't tell me no, but he has never had an orgasm during oral-never! Not in 20 years. 

My point is, he has now started shaving his scrotum and cleaned up the entire area. He has also started trimming chest hair, etc. Why would a man, who doesn't like oral from me, shave his scrotum? He does like for me to hold his scrotum, so maybe thats it. I don't know. It just seemed odd to me. He has never shaved his scrotum before. Why now? What's going on? What do you guys think, honestly? Is it nothing? Or is it weird?


July 9, 2020 10:32 am  #2

Re: Question for a straight man

Obviously I'm not a straignt man.   But: Man-scaping is often the clue your husband is stepping out on you with someone else. Was it you who wrote recently that he'd left the house abruptly and then come back and spent a lot of time in the bathroom?  

Please don't have sex with your husband without a condom.  


July 9, 2020 10:48 am  #3

Re: Question for a straight man

Yes that was me! Thank you for your response OOHC! I don't know why its so hard for me to believe the truth. In my mind, I am always making excuses for him. I don't know why I do that.

     Thread Starter

July 9, 2020 10:57 am  #4

Re: Question for a straight man

Probably because once you accept the truth, you'll have to act on it, and acting on it upends your entire life.  Just remember; his secret is not yours to keep, and his shame is not your shame to bear.  If you haven't been to a lawyer to find out what your rights are under the law in a divorce, I would strongly advise you do so.  Knowledge is power. 


July 9, 2020 11:36 am  #5

Re: Question for a straight man

"Man-scaping is often the clue your husband is stepping out on you with someone else."

This ^

I agree with OOHC, gay or straight, it's a sign something is going on.


July 9, 2020 12:19 pm  #6

Re: Question for a straight man

I have stopped giving him his narcissistic supply because I feel empty and he never reciprocates. So now he complains about me being unavailable and putting up walls. He said that he feels like I’m disgusted by him and don’t find him attractive so he said that he did all the “man-scaping” for me but I’m 20 years, he has never done this before.

     Thread Starter

July 9, 2020 1:23 pm  #7

Re: Question for a straight man

Does your significant male other keep a quantity of Preparation H on hand  even though he doesn't have constipation??  Does he have trouble making it to the bathroom for bowel movements?  Does it ever make you wonder what in the world is up and why he doesn't seek medical help about it? 

When you know the truth these things tend to fall into place.  Til then you make excuses, you overlook - nobody's perfect, right?

I wondered about the lying and then I realized that if I were doing the stupid "stuff" they are doing- well, I guess I would lie about it too.

Who in the world would think that asshole fucking would fix all the problems? 

Who would ever think that a man? sucking another man? off is the answer to the troubles of the world? 

Believing these things is so incredibly stupid that it would be awfully hard to talk about them with a straight face and so - you must lie.


July 9, 2020 2:39 pm  #8

Re: Question for a straight man

Karis wrote:

..........My point is, he has now started shaving his scrotum and cleaned up the entire area. He has also started trimming chest hair, etc. Why would a man, who doesn't like oral from me, shave his scrotum? .......is it weird?

When my partner was especially cold, distant.....mean to me for about 4 months he was also shaving himself, shaving everything. And not just the weekend, during his working week. Like a gas-lighted woman I let him believe I believed him when he said "I do it for me" whilst holding tightly to a kernel of growing doubt

...I will never know the truth, but what *I* think is what matters and when I put that with all I've learned on the Forum....if he didn't do it for me then I don't need to know the truth anymore.



KIA KAHA                       

July 9, 2020 3:10 pm  #9

Re: Question for a straight man

Some men can't or don't climax with oral sex because they get used to defining their own "rhythm" or "motion" that gets them to climax.. whether it's penetration or with their own hands.  So the fact he hasn't climaxed doesn't necessarily make him gay. 

I have no clue why he wouldn't enjoy you doing it.  I don't think i've ever heard of a man who doesn't like oral from the gender they are attracted to. 

The "manscaping" on the other hand.  Most straight men don't do that unless their female partner suggests or requests it.  Or if it's their idea they would likely discuss with you first. 


Last edited by phoenix (July 9, 2020 3:11 pm)

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


July 9, 2020 5:28 pm  #10

Re: Question for a straight man

Thank you everyone for the responses. Twistinginthewind, he does at times have explosive moments in the bathroom and I’m not sure why he always feels the need to tell me about them but he does. I haven’t noticed the Prep H. I’m pretty sure we don’t have any. He never has bathroom accidents though.

Longwayhome, I don’t think you are rude at all. Sometimes I need to hear this kind of harsh truth and you are right. I am constantly, always making excuses for him...literally always. I feel like I’ve been brainwashed. One time when I watched the Waco show on Netflix-I was amazed at how similar the relationship between the cult leader and the cult members were to my relationship with my husband.

The part about him telling me that I think he’s disgusting, is right on point too. He knows he’s not disgusting. He’s a very handsome man. I wondered if he used that word just because he knows that I would think it’s disgusting what he is doing or that he’s gay. I don’t know. It’s one thing to suggest that I no longer find him attractive but to jump all the way to disgusting seemed like a bizarre leap. So you are probably right. He’s trying to reel me back in.

Elle, I’m afraid that one day I will have to make the same decision. I don’t believe he will ever come out and be honest with me but I know there is something wrong, something not right.

What you said is very interesting. He never thinks I’m able to do anything right so it makes sense that the rhythm would be off for me giving oral. No one can do anything quite like he can so it makes sense that this would apply to this situation also. This is something that I have never considered before and I appreciate you telling me this. You are right though, that it still doesn’t make sense as to why he’d still never ask for it, even when f he doesn’t climax. You would still have to think it feels good. What you said about the “manscaping” is interesting also. We never have discussed it, and I’ve never indicated that it matters to me-one way or another.

     Thread Starter

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