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Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 3:30 pm

Blackie563 wrote:

Victo wrote:

I want someone who wants me. Specifically me.

I'll be honest (because I always am). When I read this, I nearly cried. Not because of "her", but because this resonated with me so strongly. I haven't been able to find the words, but this is it....I spent over half my life, 23 years, with someone who didn't want ME, and all I want if for someone to want me, specifically me...not just someone or the idea of what they think they should have. 
....

Those words exactly. I’ve spent almost 25 years with someone who “wanted to be a husband and father” but probably never really wanted me, specifically me, the way that I deserved to be wanted. I was just the sucker for who allowed him to get what he wanted in life. What I would give for that feeling of real, genuine love.

Victo, you sound like a wonderful person. Hang in there.

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 1:30 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 11

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Victo wrote:

........ she thinks I’m dreamy and kind and smart and handsome but that we are not a match because of her insecurities...........

 

That was super-honest of her. She obviously knows she has personal baggage and can see you do too because you've been honest with her about your situation

Elle
 

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 12:30 pm

Blackie563
Replies: 11

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Victo wrote:

I want someone who wants me. Specifically me.

I'll be honest (because I always am). When I read this, I nearly cried. Not because of "her", but because this resonated with me so strongly. I haven't been able to find the words, but this is it....I spent over half my life, 23 years, with someone who didn't want ME, and all I want if for someone to want me, specifically me...not just someone or the idea of what they think they should have. 

Victo, I feel you and am with you. I am sorry this happened to you. Day at a time my friend....but boy, did you just open my eyes...guess thats why its called a journey....

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 12:06 pm

Victo
Replies: 11

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So the reason yesterday was bad is nutty.  I’ll just tell the story:

I met a lovely single mom online.  Lovely.  We chatted for a couple weeks via a dating app.  We even discussed the SSA issue and she had a step dad (divorce atty) who had been married to her mom but who came out and divorced her out of the blue in 4 days after ten years together!!  So she understood the mindfuck!

I even explained that I had felt targeted by LGBTQ types and she completely understood and assured me she was into men.  And she was truthful.  Meanwhile, I  kept sending her my number, but communication stayed in the app.  We had planned to meet two different times and she backed out both times for seemingly legit reasons.

Finally, there was an orchestra concert in a local park that a relative of mine was performing at, so I was going anyway and I invited her along and she agreed and she even showed up.  And again, she was as lovely in person as on the app.

And we hit it off very well, and because my relative was performing, I had several family members there so she even met several people in my family!! 

I woke up the next morning to thank her for showing up and to nobody’s surprise reading this, she had deleted me off the app.

And I instantly felt down.  It was okay.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  And if you have been on these apps trying to date, you know by now that ghosting is common.  I have met maybe 100 women by now since the mindfuck and this is not that bad of a story.

But the whole thing seemed weirder than usual because the attraction was there and it was clearly mutual.

So a couple hours go by and I get an out of the blue text from my GID narcissist abuser ex.  And my blood pressure goes up just seeing the text hit my phone. 

Apparently, this lovely woman from the date who had ghosted me felt bad about ghosting me, had searched for me online, somehow found my ex’s number and texted HER!!!

So my ex sent along the contact info to me.  Now my ex didn’t

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 10:48 am

Blackie563
Replies: 11

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Daryl wrote:

One word of advice - don't ask him how it's going (or share similar about yourself). It's part of the detachment you should be working towards. 

This is just in time. I was just contemplating asking her this question. I won't now, knowing it is part of the detachment and would likely only bring me back in, which I don't want to do now that I can at least smell and taste the freedom and air that isnt full of lies and dishonesty. Thanks, Daryl

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Today 8:17 am

Daryl
Replies: 11

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Yes, it is a roller-coaster of emotions. Over time the hills and valleys will level out.
One word of advice - don't ask him how it's going (or share similar about yourself). It's part of the detachment you should be working towards.

Hope the pet chaos settles soon.
 

Support » 83 year old separates from wife 84 » Today 2:02 am

private
Replies: 4

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Thanks to everyone for your replies.

First dad hoards because he is stressed. but if he were to live with me he would not have the space to do that.

Second he changed his mind.
He said he saw how sad my mom was and decided to stay. He also said he did love her.

I don't necessarily agree with their choice because I don't know how long it will be when they start arguing again.

I had hoped to see them calmer the last year's of their lives but they cant seem to leave each other...catch 22.

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Yesterday 10:48 pm

Anon2222
Replies: 11

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There must be something in the air.

I did really well for the first 24 hours of my new fangled single life......then the wheels fell off. Today I wanted to cry from the frustration that is my new life. The dog woke me up at 4:30 am to start it all off. Now I feel like I'm just orchestrating the chaos that is my life. I'm exhausted.

I think my one dog got some doggy crack today and was bouncing off the walls. I was teaching a lecture from home and it sounded like a wolf pack losing their mind as I'm trying to explain the lymphatic system lol.

My little dog got into the room with the new cat and summarily got herself thwacked.

Then the new cat escaped and met my existing cat which ended in bristle brush tails hissing and spitting.

Tomorrow I work 14 hours to afford my glamourous new life.

I sent gay husband a text to say that a parcel arrived for him here and asked if he had gotten all his stuff in. He said he was settling in well and spent the entire day watching tv and playing video games.

Oh how I wish I could just walk away from my life without a care in the world. Treat your devoted wife of two decades like shit for a few years then waltz off into the sunset *eye roll*

The shell left behind that is me is in the same boat as the rest of you. I have no idea who I am, what I want, where I'm going or what is going to happen. At this point I can't see past just being able to afford my bills and prevent the house from falling over.

I hear these rumors that it gets better....

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Yesterday 9:56 pm

lily wrote:

Once I"d wrapped my head around the extraordinary levels of deception and he was in the rearview mirror I am still left needing to untangle the screw-up to my story, to my life, the expression of my sexuality, the heart and soul of me.

You can't stuff it into a basket forever, it comes spilling out and it takes two to knit a yarn.  so I think rule number one is  not to beat yourself up.  

 

Yes yes yes - all of those things. Too much to untangle. It’s just so surreal and so massive and all encompassing. And how does anyone move forward from this? And you can’t just put it aside but yet you also can’t just spill it out either. And how do you even know who you are anymore or who you used to be?

Support » Today is bad. Again. » Yesterday 4:59 pm

lily
Replies: 11

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yeah, I'm having a bad day too.  I'd like to have a whinge actually - how why oh how is it possible that the pain of the straight spouse is so overlooked.  It's staggering once you have experienced it for yourself.  But nobody talks about it, not even their children.  I don't understand it.

Just here - a tiny voice echoing from inside the belly of the beast, we acknowledge how bad it is.

Once I"d wrapped my head around the extraordinary levels of deception and he was in the rearview mirror I am still left needing to untangle the screw-up to my story, to my life, the expression of my sexuality, the heart and soul of me.

You can't stuff it into a basket forever, it comes spilling out and it takes two to knit a yarn.  so I think rule number one is  not to beat yourself up.  



 

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