For a woman who says she's confused/need to find more proof about her husband you've sure done enough research, and self-reflection, to know he's not straight Well done..

He may be bisexual (which is an initial cop-out, an easy excuse because for many men bisexuality is somehow "okay")....or he may indeed be gay. But he isn't the important one here Looking4answers....you are. And you have a decision to make but that'll be a ways down the road because first you need to get the whole Mindfuck of this dynamic clear and understood in your mind first. That is more difficult when you're in a family with young children but finding people....family, friend, counsellor to talk to is a good start because speaking to somebody and hearing the words coming out of your mouth is totally different from our own tortured self-analytical middle-of-the-night sessions which only we 'hear'....lol 

Edited to say...that friend who told your husband he should telll you how good you look? I reckon he might know (or guess) that your husband is gay.

Elle

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. We met when I was a late teen and him early 20's. We now have two beautiful young children. Our relationship has always been pretty lackluster, we don't fight or argue really. Anyway, it never occurred to me that my husband might be gay. It always seemed like I needed to work on myself to make any change in our relationship. I tried reading some marriage books and they all said the one saying there's a problem is the one that needs to do the most changing so I have always just tried working on myself instead of trying to make it about my spouse.

About a year ago a "relationship" developed between my husband and a male co-worker who he calls "gay (insert name)". It started out with my husband talking about this "game" him and the gay guys at work would play. They had a penis shaped sucker they would hide in each others things. My husband would talk about this game with me and act like it was funny and he acted pretty proud that he was willing to play this game and the other guys wouldn't because he's "confident in his sexuality". I thought this was weird but didn't put much weight on it. 

I should mention during all of this he had been secretly drinking everyday and started chewing. His gay friend at work chewed also. I confronted him about this and as far as I know he did quit doing both.

As time went on he started talking more about this co-workers relationship with his husband and how his husband thought my husband was the hottest guy on their crew. My husband seemed pretty proud of this. Then it turned into how this guy was getting a divorce and he would talk all about how his soon to be ex was treating him so poorly yada yada yada. I thought his investment in all of this was pretty odd, especially how happy he seemed talking about all of this co-worker stuff. 

Then we went on vacation during this "flirtatious" period and part of the vacation was in an area without any cell reception so it was just my

Hello,
I was in a similar situation to yours. My ex admitted to a bit of experimentation that happened before we met. Turns out it was just the tip of a much bigger iceberg that was revealed much later into our marriage. We were religious, and I believe he was trying to "do the right thing" by marrying someone he cared for, and loved in his way. But... he secretly watched gay porn throughout the marriage, and at one point, it all came out. He felt safe enough at that point to identify as bi. Our marriage slowly fell apart over a few years. And now he's engaged to his boyfriend and identifying as gay.

I realize now that neither one of us should have been in this marriage. I was angry and resentful towards him for so many years, because I never got what I deserved from him as a partner - how could I? He was not being honest with himself, let alone me. And, for his part, he was not being loved for who he truly is, which he also deserves to have.

You deserve to have a partner who can be there for you fully: mentally, emotionally, sexually, and all the rest. I don't think that someone who is confused about his sexuality - and perhaps more so because of a religious environment that might be telling him that he is wrong for liking men - can be a healthy partner. 

I'd echo what Elle says, as someone who has "been there done that". Take a lot of time to think this through. Talk to friends. Read posts on the forum. If you're not married, ask yourself some hard questions about this whole situation. Rely on yourself, your deep inner knowing, and not on what he is telling you. It's a lot easier to walk away from this now, than 30+ years into a marriage with kids and a lot of financial and other entanglement.

Wishing you the best,

Anon 765

Hi
When I got into a relationship with my partner he was open about his sexual past (not specifying who though) 
we are both Christian, it wasn't until we started discussing marriage that he told me that part about himself. He had only had male sexual partners and watched gay porn. it wasn't till we started dating that he stopped having sex with men but he confessed to me that he did watch porn and when he did it was about men. Should I be concerned about his attraction to me? He's had romantic feelings for women but nothing sexual has ever happened. He is a perfect partner in all over ways, very loving and doting on him, honestly the best I've ever been treated by anyone but I'm scared he will one day wake up and decide I'm not enough for him

Tabor wrote:

You have young kids together. That should be both of your priority irregardless of your own individual romantic and sexual relationships in the future. The kids still need both of their parents to be there for them while being at least civil toward one another and that’s more important than whoever either partner might want to get involved with going forward.

It might be an awkward time to pursue a new crush but, then again, I sure wish I had a new person then or since leaving my gay ex and dating can be hard so maybe don’t totally disregard that but try to balance it with the other important family and life transitions you’re up against…

I think we are both trying to be civil but occasionally he says that i have to forgive him and he would never leave me ...which scares me ...

The new person also says that my soon to be ex will never let me go because I'm his cover and he doesn't want his sexual identity to be exposed .


Add to the mix that I'm trying to achieve a dream by applying to a competitive medical speciality and I take care of my mom financially and physically.

Honestly, I feel so burdened and sometimes I just want to disappear but then I remember I'm responsible for the kids .

I'm not suicidal...I think I'm just exhausted .