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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else. Learn more >>>

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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.

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General Discussion » Anyone contacted the 'other' person(s)? » Yesterday 10:03 pm

blindone
Replies: 2

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Thank you, Elle, for your reply.  I'm still in that wanting more details/info stage.  I have a stack of text messages of his conversations w/men.  I also day dream about shoving one page at a time in front of him asking him to explain the situation and how can I believe he did not have 'sex' w/these men.  Right now, he tries to convince me it was just one guy, a few times, and that it was only a massage w/happy ending. PFFFT.  Yet, he never pushes on 'how' I know.  Denial is very interesting to watch from the outside.

General Discussion » Anyone contacted the 'other' person(s)? » Yesterday 9:32 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 2

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blindone wrote:

I have phone numbers and a few names. ......

I had one number...of a woman my bisexual partner was seeing (who was just cruisy about anal sex) I had the number for a few years, it was the number he used to think he had wiped from his phone. I think she was also his sounding board for his man-on-man fantasies, and I day-dreamed about calling her and opening a conversation. 
But that's as far as it got. Whenever I thought "yes! I'll do it" there was always a voice that said "she'll call him and tell him" and at that time I wasn't ready for that particular disruption. Then as time went on and I realised that this was driving a wedge into my soul, and that he would never hurt/be bothered by it as much as I was....about the same time I thought up my mantra, which I still use today....."it doesn't matter" which helped me finally toss the bit of paper with her number written on it into the rubbish

Elle
 

General Discussion » Anyone contacted the 'other' person(s)? » Yesterday 7:22 pm

blindone
Replies: 2

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I have phone numbers and a few names.  I believe I've found the main man that he had an affair with...he's a real estate agent. I've had this daydream (nightmare) of contacting him to discuss my own 'home search'.  Meet him for coffee or to view a few houses.  And then perhaps once I've got the opportunity, ask him and show him a photo fo my ex and see how it goes. Probably severe scenario, but these are the things that go thru my head.  Or calling each and every phone number or texting....

General Discussion » Therapy Helps (us both) » Yesterday 3:55 pm

Epiphany
Replies: 0

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Hey guys. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I find myself focusing on therapy and MOM/MOR groups more so lately. We are both in counseling separately and plan to have a couples session next Wednesday. My therapist is actually a psychotherapist and has helped me stop my mind spiraling and intrusive thoughts. This is helping me get to a calmer, clearer and more patient spot. My husband’s therapist is a sex therapist. She is helping him acknowledge his patterns, including his bisexual pendulum and forcing him to picture life differently. This has been scary for me and I can tell he is scared to do it too but I know it’s necessary.

I can say this much. We are closer, more open, real and even intimate now...sometimes to the point that we have a hard time stopping (mostly on the weekends). At the same time there’s that huge cloud of same sex attraction hanging over us and can we make this work, incorporating it into our relationship or does he think his truth is in a different lifestyle. He still loves me and wants me and wants this family. I still love him and want the same. It is a very long process but things are in the open and we are moving forward with integrity, love and friendship. I’ve learned our stories are all so different. I think it’s hard not to insert your own experience into others here sometimes but at this point we are in a MOM with the intention of finding ourselves separately as well. If some of you are struggling and haven’t sought out therapy then I highly suggest you do ASAP. It keeps things calmer and clearer. Thanks for listening!

- Epiphany

Support » He said it's too late for him » Yesterday 2:44 pm

LostNalone
Replies: 8

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You could be me, writing the same story 10 years ago and nothing has changed. I'm still living in his closet and about every 6 months or so the elephant in the room shows up. My advice is to end it now while you are young enough to pick up the pieces and move forward. We are now in our 60's and I'm done. I told him last week he needs to get on with his life, I will live here until I decide it's time for me to leave. I consider myself single now and that is what I want and just telling him that has helped me and him. I quit doing everything for him and guess what..... He is doing for himself because I'm not. I am starting to look to MY future without him and I feel so better about me, I am over it being all about him and his issues.  Good luck sweetie, I wish you the very best.

Support » He said it's too late for him » Yesterday 12:17 pm

Gloria
Replies: 8

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You are not alone. I found out last June and I have good and bad days. Yesterday was a good day but I feel anger and sadness today.

Support » He said it's too late for him » Yesterday 11:03 am

Aurora - 
I feel like we could be writing the same story - except for the fact that at least your husband is honest with himself- at least to a point!

My husband will say he wants me, and only me - but he is most definitely gay. He is trying to pretend like everything is completely as it was before I found out. 
He is trying to stay in the marriage. He is TERRIFIED of losing everything we have, and says he is terrified of losing me. But I can't help but wonder if he is just scared of losing his cover and the image of him being a "great husband and Christian guy." 

I also can't seem to move past the feelings of sadness, depression, anger, insecurity, and deep deep despair. He gets mad that I can't just "make up my mind and choose to forgive and move on."

I am also terrified of leaving, but don't know how to stay, either.

What a fucking hell-trap we are in. I am so sorry you are here... but we are not alone. As stupid as it is that any of us are here, at least we're not alone, right? 

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