"I'm sure from this list you would think infidelity occurred. I'm not oblivious to that fact, but what I can say is that I have no hard evidence to prove otherwise. "

It's like my sculpture, David.  He wasn't the first one to come down.  At the time there was nowhere in my lexicon that could encompass the idea that it was a deliberate act of sabotage.  It wasn't til after I was divorced that I was able to wonder if it was.  There is no evidence.  But now that I've thought of it, it makes sense to me.  At the time, I mean there they are in a closed room and overnight they fall down?  ??  Inevitably I blamed myself, I must have done something wrong in the building.  And the first one yes, I had finished at the ankles before finishing up above and it had cracked I'd had to mend at the ankles several times so you know I could easily imagine it breaking again in the shifting that happens as the clay dries.  But the second one?  solid as a rock I thought.  it bothered me I could see no reason for it to happen but you know the last one, David, he was well there was just no way he was coming down.  So when I go in that morning and see him on the ground it put a real dint in my confidence - now I can only think my assessment was correct, he really was that strong, it must have taken a real shove to knock him down.  No evidence.  

Sorry Lost, but when you say she disclosed during a second adolescence that sounds like a red flag for an affair to me - one that has hit her emotionally - enough to make her think.  

Me I think fantasy matters, it's like its the bridge between physical and emotional - I only want to have sex with a man who fantasises about having sex with me as much as I do with him.




 
 

HeldHostageInHerCloset wrote:

..... If I can't trust her, I don't need her..... 

 
That is a revealing statement. You have so much going on at the moment. Concentrating on your brother sounds like the better choice.

What is holding you hostage in her closet?
And what has your wife got to do with your brother removing you as a beneficiary?

Elle

This week has been one of those, where I was just ready to dump everything on her... may still. 

Brother has been sick dealing with cancer. He goes to 2 different clinics in different cities. He told me last week one told him to call in Hospice, but the other was still looking for trials. Tuesday he goes to the ER, ends up admitted to ICU, Wed wake up to my mom calling saying they were trying to stablize him that he was losing a lot of blood. So I jolt out of bed, grab some stuff and I'm out the door (live 2 hours away). He's stable now, seems it was an ulcer that's been "fixed", but still in ICU...
Anyway, I'd not told her anything about him in maybe months, she didn't go to christmas with us, so she didn't know about his more recent decline. So basically just running out the door saying my brother might be dying.
Just hoping she asks why I've not said anything. If I can't trust her, I don't need her. What value is the sympathy of a liar? Got back home last night, she was gone. Out late again. Both been home all morning, not a word spoken yet. 

Local Pride month kick-off parties start this weekend. Our 20th anniv is in a couple weeks. Fun days ahead. 

Plan your exit.  Discretely and silently. No, you are not a bad person.
We all need a safe place.

They project their crap onto us.  My cheating GX screamed at me how I cheated also..with such conviction I had to think if I did..I knew no woman. It was insanity.

Plan your exit..discretely sliently.  Even it takes a dollar a day for the rest of your life.
The wheel of God grind slowly,but they grind incredibly fine.


Wishing you strength and stoicism.

David,

So sorry your living the horribleness of TGT.. are they meeting a friend for a drink and to catch up..or is it a date?  Are they shopping or having sex?  Why should you have to wonder?



To me it doesn't matter if they are gay, bi, green alien.   It's a matter of trust and fierce loyalty.  The anxiety we experience sure isn't that or love.  The anxiety can eat you up ..I needed medication.

In regards to your "she holds all the cards" statement..I can relate..I could not get over how my GX thought herself a god, in full control of everything.    They are not..maybe the marriage but not us or the world.   The world should revolve around them but they are forfeiting that the moment they hurt us.

Next time she tells you about her "little voice".. ask her what she wants you to do with that. Are you suppose to cry and say thank you for not acting on it and honoring the basic agreement of our marriage?  Tell her she is hurting you.   Why does she feel its ok to hurt you...

Wishing strength and stoic self love.