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1 of 1- OutofHisCloset
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the film "Uncle Frank"
I'm watching it now. It's good. The bit I thought would interest straight spouses occurs when the character named Frank, a gay man, is talking to his niece, Beth, who was conned by a gay young man who came on to her as if he were straight in order to meet her uncle (Frank). In the conversation Frank and Beth have about this young man, the niece, Beth, says this young man didn't have sex with her, and her uncle Frank says, "I bet he told you it's too soon," and she says, "I just thought it was my fault." Her uncle looks at her and says, "Guys like him always make you think it's your fault."
I just thought it was a validating moment. It certainly reflects the projection and blame-shifting many of us have experienced.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 7, 2020 6:05 am)
- buck67209
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
OutofHisCloset wrote:
I'm watching it now. It's good. And the character named Frank, a gay man, has is talking to his niece, Beth, who knows he's gay, was conned by a gay young man who came on to her as if straight so he could meet her uncle (Frank). Frank and Beth have a conversation about this young man, and when the niece, Beth, says this young man didn't have sex with her, Frank says, "I bet he told you it's too soon," and she says, "I just thought it was my fault." Her uncle looks at her and says, "Guys like him always make you think it's your fault."
I just thought it was a validating moment. It certainly reflects what many of us have experienced.
Forgive me for leaving my thread, but I agree with OutofHisCloset. I watched it tonight and thought about the straight spouses here when I saw that portion of the movie. The niece's boyfriend is one of those dupers, and it's a great example of how the cycle starts. I thought it was good to include that scenario in the movie, and for the gay uncle to warn her (and women watching the film) about men like him.
Last edited by buck67209 (December 7, 2020 3:28 am)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Bit of a rant lol
Do we need another drama? A movie/series/whatever about a section of society who for a large part is now an accepted part of society....with their rainbows and bravery. Won't it be peppered with beautiful people who live in fabulous houses and lead rich, wonderful lives
The straightspouse story never stands stage-front, it's hinted at, glazed over and only truly recognised by a straightspouse. A bit part that adds little to the story because the audience aren't told about it.....god forbid anybody puts their hand up, steps forward to say "....there's depth in this, the straightspouse story"
No, we need an honest, truthful doco. Or if I must have a movie it should be written and directed by us 
Elle
KIA KAHA
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Elle,
The man in the story, Uncle Frank, never deceived a woman. He never married a woman. He lived his truth, and did so at a time (the early 1970s) when homosexuality was illegal, which is the time period in which the film is set. And to set the record straight: he lives in a garden-variety apartment in crowded NYC, and his life, although occasionally wonderful, is equally filled, to quote Thoreau, with "quiet desperation."
I get as triggered as any of us over unthinking, ignorant, knee-jerk support oI gay/trans people when it extends to excusing deception and other unethical behavior perpretrated by gay/trans people with bad character. I posted what I did about the film precisely because I was amazed that our straight spouse perspective was captured--and validated. In fact, I was so amazed that I actually paused the film to come and post here about it.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 8, 2020 6:33 am)
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Thread Starter- JoeC
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
If this kind of film were around 30 years ago, and society was what it was today then I would hope that my ex might have gotten the courage when she was 14 to actually talk to someone about what she was feeling in terms of her sexuality. She didn't address who she was because of fear and shame and not knowing anyone around her who was gay. We need more of these films (no matter how cliché or canned). Maybe that young teenager will see the film and make the right choice in life.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Elle,
The man in the story, Uncle Frank, never deceived a woman. He never married a woman. He lived his truth,
LOL....yeah as I said at the top of my post. Bit of a rant
KIA KAHA
- clintonia
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Do we need another drama? A movie/series/whatever about a section of society who for a large part is now an accepted part of society....with their rainbows and bravery. Won't it be peppered with beautiful people who live in fabulous houses and lead rich, wonderful lives
The straightspouse story never stands stage-front, it's hinted at, glazed over and only truly recognised by a straightspouse. A bit part that adds little to the story because the audience aren't told about it.....god forbid anybody puts their hand up, steps forward to say "....there's depth in this, the straightspouse story"
No, we need an honest, truthful doco. Or if I must have a movie it should be written and directed by us
Elle
This is a bit tangential to the topic, but Elle have you ever considered (or others on here) collaborating to produce something powerful that does clearly demonstrate that stance? The few books I've read (mostly edited by Bonnie Kaye, or Amity Pierce Buxton) could be hugely improved to allow people not directly affected by the events to want to get informed about it and actually think it has credence. A lot of in-print anecdotes I've read are full of misspellings, abrupt and confused thoughts, and not very smooth. I've been thinking about this for awhile. The way to get the general public to care about this isn't there.
On the main point, Frank may have been upright (good on him), but if the movie gave only an aside to the disingenuous boyfriend, it wasn't giving an even or clear picture of the implications. 30 years ago, that might have been less egregious (due to suppression, not the interpersonal impact being less), but I hope people would see it as intentional bias today, if they understood anything other than one side. I don't think most see it, so they don't recognize that baseline bias.
- Choosing Me
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Netflix “Grace and Frankie”, that hit home for me. It was main stream comedy, so when I talk about it or watch it with others they have no clue how much I can relate to it. Less than a handful of friends and family know about my STBXH’s many same sex affairs, hookups and relationships.
- Rob
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Choosing me,
I refuse to watch it. No thanks..I lived it.
While i have the strength to watch it now there are plenty of other shows with no triggers to watch and enjoy.
I have no problem with say the newer Hallmark movies feature gay couples..
Buy there was a Netflix Christmas movie I watched where the lead girl was straight in one time period and gay in the other. The time travel make it marginally better to see the bi girl choosing between either sex. It was made ok because she hadn't married either of them yet in each timeline.
It made it seem ok that she would choose a man or a women and stay that way.. but it gave us a glimpse of the straight point of view..i.e why are you spending so much time with your girlfriend?
I say don't watch movies that trigger you until you're stronger..maybe stick to classic hallmark movies..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- SusanneH
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Re: the film "Uncle Frank"
Rob,
I totally agree with you. If a movie/TV show is going to make me feel uncomfortable or trigger me, I won’t watch it. There’s been enough grief in my life without looking for it through entertainment. I’ll stick with nature shows, veterinarians, etc. I enjoy those & ‘gay’ monkeys don’t bother me 😜.