I’m sorry your going through this. I’m in a similar boat.  hope we find peace.

Sam (Admin) wrote:

Near as I can tell, this person is not trying to drum up business. i am watching closely, however. In addition, he stated that he had come across straight spouse clients and needed insight in how to deal with them. I wish more counsellors would do that when they encounter straight spouses, ignorant ones can prove disasterous for the straight spouse.

Yes. Agreed. But we need to make sure this person is truly who they say they are. There are potential of abuse. It could be a  spouse trying to see what straight spouses think. And use the information they gather here to manipulate someone. Not saying that is what they are doing but you have to be careful.

RedEarth wrote:

Hello,
I am a counsellor with a specialism in issues relating to sexual orientation and gender identity.  Over the years I have worked with several M/F couples in which the male partner has come out.  I'm currently working on a qualification in sexology (aka psychosexual therapy), as part of which I need to complete a research project.  I want to investigate the therapeutic needs of straight partners and the extent to which they are adequately met within current services - and I have a particular interest in the needs of straight female partners, as these are the clients with whom I have had most first-hand professional experience.  If there's anything that you'd like to share in this forum please do - I will share a link to enable you to contact me away from the forum as soon as I am able.  I'm interested in a) what you might have hoped to gain from counselling/therapy, either as an individual or as a couple, b) the experience you had of attempting to finding a suitable practitioner, c) how effective/beneficial you found your therapy and d) anything that you would want the therapy professional as a whole to be aware or do in order to better meet the needs of straight partners.
Many thanks.

One of the reasons you are meeting resistance is because  you didn’t use your real name & credentials or give any identifying data in your post. Also, is this an approach you discussed with your advisor? Were you truly advised to go to a support group and solicit subjects for your study? Your mentor should have advised you differently. Unless, your story is just that, a story and you have devious motives. If you truly are a student, I would highly suggest you reach back out to your mentor/advisor. If you are not a student, and this all a farce, I suggest you seek help.

I also ask the administrators of this forum to either do a more robust vetting process or delete this post from Red Earth & block the user as this is very triggering. There is also

Do you guys find yourself in the same position...

Any time I argue with my husband, whether it’s over the dishes not being done or whatever it is, any random topic, however mundane, I find my response is exaggerated because there is an underlying issue of anger with the bigger issue  in our Marriage that brings me to this site.

Can Any one else relate?

Hi Sean! Thank you for responding! Your questions are insightful.

Séan wrote:

1. Please send me a list, not explanations mind you, of your mental and physical state for the past year. Here is an example of how I felt my final year of marriage to a straight woman:

***You hit them all spot on and in the exact order of most common to least. Seems I feel the same way you felt.

Anxious (this is the most constant & pronounced feeling)
Depressed
Insomnia (I’m starting to dream about this)
Angry (I am not really angry with him because I feel sad for him if he can’t express how he feels. I’m angry with myself for not having more of a clear picture. And if I’m truly honest. Angry with God- which I know is wrong. )


2. Next I'd like you to describe how your husband makes you feel. Again, please write just words, not explanations. 

***
Lucky
Blessed
Fortunate
Scared
Unsafe

3. Finally, I'd like you to complete this sentence, "Love for me means...." 

****to be Respected & to feel safe & to sacrifice for the other... all equally important

Thank you in advance for your answers. Now in response to your questions: 

1.  He kissed “a couple- maybe 2” guys in high school. Quotes are his words exactly. Said he kissed boys because many guys in his boarding school were gay and he absorbs energy of his friends. 

Conflicted or closeted spouses don't have very good track records of accurately defining their own sexualities. This is why I always urge straight spouses to focus on facts. It's not because these are bad people, it's just that they see things through the smeared lenses of shame and denial. When I read these kinds of things here, I tend to adopt an "iceberg" approach. For example, if a husband admits to just 1 sexual affair with a man, I then multiply it x9 because, like icebergs, 90% of the truth is under water. FACT: Your husband kissed boys (and likely more) in high school. 

***yes we had our third discussion and he di

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