Ellexoh_nz wrote:

MarieSimoneLoraine wrote:

I live in Ontario, Canada, where June is also Seniors Month. In my seniors' group we have workshops and activities including, you have guessed it, many with LGBTQ components.  It's Seniors' Month so let's talk about LBGTQ.  Not going.
 

 
Marie.... Have you told your seniors group why you won't be there?

Elle

  - My group knows me, the seniors, they know all about me and my situation. I have discussed it at times with them, during our meetings or over a coffee, but I don't feel I have to add anything or for this part of me to be the focus of our meetings!  Group leaders, working communitee employees,  have to conform and give us the official use of pronouns workshops,  explain the new law on self-declaratioin, etc.  I have no problem with these workshops but they won't teach me anything so I will not go.  
 

Sorry to read your all too familiar story.  I hope you have help from family, friends.  I thought I should give this link   https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/  This is one of a few places where I read stories like yours and mine.  What you wrote here is already very comprehensive and well-written.  

Vous vous adressez au bon endroit.  Le récit que vous offrez, vous en trouverez en grand nombre sur les pages de ce site.  Nous avons tous pensé à un moment donné que nous avions perdu la raison mais vous êtes ici avec des gens qui ont vécu une expérience semblable.  Qu'importe l'époque, 
certaines choses ne changent pas.  Vous serez lue ici, et il me fait plaisir de vous répondre en français.  J'ignore s'il y a d'autres membres qui parlent français, et s'il existe un organisation de soutien en français nous le découvrirons ensemble.  Vous aurez besoin d'appuis et c'est ici ou dans un groupe de personnes qui vivent des moments semblables que vous les trouverez.  Bien que je comprenne votre appui à la communauté LBGTQ, elle existe pour votre conjoint.

Je vous invite à lire les conseils sous General Discussion - First Aid Kit: How to survive finding out your partner is LBGTQ.  Je vis au Canada où nous avons un groupe SSN canadien, mais en anglais seulement, à ce que je saches. JJe m'informerai aujourd'hui.

Je suis optimiste pour vous.  Vous n'êtes pas folle! Vous êtes jeune et vous voyez juste.  C'est plus que votre temps que vous risquez de perdre, c'est le droit de choisir votre vie. Vous ne voulez pas vous retrouvez à 70 ans sachant que votre vie fut une illusion.

Mon mari aussi adore les hétérosexuels.  D'ailleurs quand il est 'sorti du gâteau' après 43 ans de mariage, il m'a dit qu'il avait eu des relations sexuelles avant notre mariage avec des hommes, mais depuis les 35 dernières années il aimait mieux les femmes qui ont un pénis.  J'ai sourcillé et lui ai demandé quelle est son orientation sexuelle il a répondu hétérosexuel.  C'est moi qui n'est pas une vraie femme digne de ce nom selon lui. Je ne suis pas plus folle que vous et j'ai vite comprit que si je suis confuse, il l'est bien plus que moi et que je n'y peux rien.  Il est futile de tenter d'entrer dans sa tête, mais il faut vraiment faire le tour de la vôtre. Deu

It was when he started to have sex with men and transgender women 32 years ago, I now realize, that my husband started to keep track of my menstrual cycle in his agenda. When I was sad or stressed by the turmoil of gaslighting he would wave his agenda to me as proof that it was my hormones, my body, not his behaviour that was the issue in our marriage.

Last year after I "came out as a SS" to my 12-step group, without having revealed the above incident, a fellow member told me the same agenda story with a husband she divorced 30 years ago. She was still shocked by it, and so much was I that I never told her that the same thing happened to me. I should have. We must share these stories to understand that it has nothing to do with our body and all to do with their minds. Obviously our embodiment is the issue with non-straight spouses. They are not all happy with this. My fellow group member's son was as gay and addicted as his dad, whom he hated, and died of overdose.

New to this open board.  A year ago, after telling me that he had been unfaithful to me starting 1988 the person I married 44 years ago came out as heterosexual because he most likes to have sex with women with dicks.  As a tall girl, now a 5'11"  (1m80) tall woman, I have been misgendered since the age of 5. My brothers, my best friend, my colleagues, people I meet at the gym, strangers in elevators, all have had fun at being rude and laughing at my appearance. I had loving parents, came to know gentlemen when I was 20, gaining enough confidence to dismiss all these ignoramuses.  My husband came out while he was suffering from major depression with 'crazy' episodes (his term) and sang like a bird.  He told me he thought of me as a man when we were having sex.  We had four children.  I will add on to my story.

I started to read your trans widow site a few months ago. The written stories were most helpful.  I recently saw a video of a young woman, about her life with an autogynephilic man. The woman seems so shaken, understandably so, as I imagine I do too when I tell my story, but I need a space to spell out the vulgarities in vulgar terms, otherwise it all sounds like a rant.  For example,  my 37-year old disabled son, tears in his eyes, told me recently that for years he had seen trans porno on our computer. My son is the computer expert in the family, a programmer at a very young age.  A couple of weeks ago I went in to look at trans porno and saw a theme that is as clear to me as the concept of Trinity told by St. Patrick holding a shamrock : depicted were a penis, a pile of feces and a pink vulva.  It is gross to say or write, but in picture it is exactly what I feel was done to me.  His risky sex life was a concerted effort to hurt me and my family, which when he came out 'crazy' he called the enemy (me) and the non-neutrals (our children).

I am just beginning to be able to write about my experience, greatly because I just got a laptop with a keyboard rath