It was when he started to have sex with men and transgender women 32 years ago, I now realize, that my husband started to keep track of my menstrual cycle in his agenda. When I was sad or stressed by the turmoil of gaslighting he would wave his agenda to me as proof that it was my hormones, my body, not his behaviour that was the issue in our marriage.

Last year after I "came out as a SS" to my 12-step group, without having revealed the above incident, a fellow member told me the same agenda story with a husband she divorced 30 years ago. She was still shocked by it, and so much was I that I never told her that the same thing happened to me. I should have. We must share these stories to understand that it has nothing to do with our body and all to do with their minds. Obviously our embodiment is the issue with non-straight spouses. They are not all happy with this. My fellow group member's son was as gay and addicted as his dad, whom he hated, and died of overdose.

Last edited by MarieSimoneLoraine (September 7, 2020 7:30 am)

I'm still very much on the roller coaster.  I do well when I am not home.  I hate that he is underfoot ALL.THE.DAMN.TIME.  I can't stand looking at him.