Iamsoconfused wrote:

So my wife has been encouraging me to get out of the house and go spend time with guy friends.  I am struggling to understand why she is pushing this so much.  Does she want me to get used to the idea of being away from her?  Does she just need space without me around (she will have to watch the kids anyway).

We have a guys camping trip scheduled in October and I know what is going to happen.  I'm going to get stuck in my head the whole trip.  Wonder what she is doing and who she is talking to.  I will be depressed and anxious and all the guys are going to wonder what is going on.

Anyone here have a gay spouse who was encouraging them to get away for a bit?  She's really been pushing for us each to spend some time for ourselves lately and balancing the kids. Just has me wondering what's in her head.

None of us can say what her motive is...but if you have the chance to get away with friends: Take it...Allow yourself a break from all this. I think the space will actually be very good for you. I wish I'd done the same myself. 

Daryl wrote:

If they are comfortable enough to talk to you about this, I think you did things right. Hopefully that means they will be just as honest in their other relationships.

Absolutely!! Your children know (and trust) that your love is unconditional...and that is such a beautiful thing. I imagine most of our spouses didn't grow up in that kind of environment. 

Ordinary guy wrote:

Ladies, I know this sounds uncouth and crude, but from a straight man I can let you into a little secret. Half in jest, but they do say that “never a truer word is spoken in jest”.

Bend over in front of any heterosexual man and look backwards to see if he is looking. If he is looking intently at your backside he is straight. If he looks away quickly, he is straight (we have a natural “hand in the cookie jar” reflex that is innate). It may be that he hasn’t noticed which does happen. Let out a small sigh to attract attention, this will draw his attention which then should become fixated. There is some part of a heterosexual man’s brain that is automatically attracted to the female form when adopting this posture. I have been known to utter expletives at the impropriety of experiencing this phenomenon when the subject of my attention was wholly inappropriate. I’m doing it before I know I’m doing it, even if I know it’s wrong it still can’t be helped.

This was, of course, how Elle Woods discovered the pool boy was gay....He was unresponsive to the "bend and snap." ;) 

It was also how this real-life "Straight Wife" outed her husband. I discovered this blog early on during the deep MF phase. I was so grateful to be able to laugh at something. 

True Story: Elle Woods outed my husband


 

Just wanted to reiterate what Maria said...You have sooo much life ahead of you. I promise you that this will be but a mirage in your rearview mirror one day. Until then, you definitely need an empathetic ear...whether that's a counselor or a good friend. Some people here have had great success with trauma therapy. Journaling, meditation, and exercise help, too...Now, more than ever, you need to be kind and patient with yourself. Your heart will heal in time. 

MJM017 wrote:

If I may tag on another question - can a man be straight and have gay sex or watch gay porn occasionally? They seem GID or bi to me. Have seen articles in Psychology Today and on PubMed which claim these guys are straight.

Thanks!

I've seen this, too—completely ludicrous. Dr. Joe Kort (who was actually a guest on one of the SSN podcasts) pushes this BS. Maybe his angle is to attempt to remove the shame factor—and make it seem more like a common phenomenon (men having sex with men)—but I think it probably causes more damage than anything. Some straight spouses have used his counseling services with their GID spouses—and in at least two instances I've read about on here, the GID spouse came out as gay after the session. He's like a gay whisperer, I guess!