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Rejection sucks. Do you have anybody to talk to about this... sister, brother, friend?

Elle

Hi Evan,

Sorry this happened to you. My situation was different (my ex-husband was a closeted gay man). The shock and hurt is the same. It threw me for a loop.

Repeating what Elle said — do you have family or friends you can tell? Do you have a therapist. It helps to have support to heal from this.

Maybe take an hour daily to think about this and spend the rest of the day doing activities you enjoy. Getting outdoors for exercise gives me a new perspective. Not sure if you’re under lockdown in your area.  When it lifts you may want to go out. Maybe to a cafe to people watch.  This can be a low-stress way to meet new people.

When you start dating, it doesn’t hurt to ask someone if they are bi or questioning.  Being upfront at the start helps.

You are lucky you didn’t marry her and discover she was gay after a few years of marriage. You are young enough to start over.  You have your whole life ahead of you.

Take care!

Best,
Maria

I know you don’t feel lucky right now.  This sucks and I’m so sorry you are going through it.

You are luckier than some of us who got married and had kids and who suffered through years of abuse trying to please their unpleasable partners…

But given where you are, it is hard to feel lucky.

I wish my GIDXW had done exactly what your girlfriend has done.  And I know that had she done it, I would have been miserable then too.

I’m on your side.  I understand what this is like.  It sucks. 

Try to find your place of grace.  With a wiser heart, you will find a better lover.

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for your responses and support. This whole experience has really been painful and is not only affecting my mental wellness but my financial wellness as well.

I do have a decent support network here. I started seeing a psychologist in February and have been working with her ever since (it helps that my medical insurance covers my appointment 100% with no limit on my # of visits). My friends have been helpful although they’re all busy and don’t have a lot of time to hang out and such.

The person that my previous partner is now seeing is non-binary (female assigned at birth). I tried dating again too but I haven’t really found myself being able to make a connection with someone (like I did with my previous partner) in a way that I want to pursue a relationship with them (maybe it’s too soon). But I also think my heart is super protective right now like it doesn’t want to invest in something that isn’t sure and to be honest I don’t really feel like my life is fulfilling if I can’t spend it with someone else.

I was wondering if any of you could share how you started to find fulfillment in life and relationships after your experiences? How did were you able to trust again? How were you able to be sure this wouldn’t happen again?

I know that I want to be alive it’s just really hard to find any enjoyment in life these days.

I was thinking this morning about how the wonderful woman my son married and how totally random their ever meeting was. He had moved to an area where he did not know anyone and had tried online dating sites and was not meeting anyone who sparked his interest.

He was on a trip when he met a woman who was not dating anyone and was in the area for a quick break,  They got talking and discovered that they had similar interests and goals. Then they went back to their everyday lives but couldn't forget each other.

They did the long-distance thing for a while before they realized they needed to be together more. He could relocated and she couldn't so he got a job and apartment where she was. When their leases were up they rented a house together and a few years later married.

My point is that you never know when or where you might meet that special someone. Be yourself, take the time to heal from this relation ship. Trust comes with time and experiencing consistency and honesty,  with you and in how your friend treats other people.





 

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