Thanks, this is court ordered, so I have no choice.

[size=100]I still can't figure out whether to post in Gen Disc or over in Support, but I guess it doesn't matter.

I've been off the forum because life has been busier than hell and also very, very good. 

I started a new job last week. Still terrified and angry that I have to give up being a SAHM, but hey I made it through.

Another reason I wasn't on the forum much ... I was genuinely and happily distracted by the guy I was dating. We were not "in love," and the level of our commitment ended at agreeing we weren't sleeping with anyone else. 

We saw each other for three months. Last Sunday, he broke it off. I could feel it coming for a few days before -- there was just this distance there. I'm keeping a private blog at this point, that I let about 15 of my tribe of girlfriends in on. I'm cutting and pasting here to explain the "break-up" because it's just easier. 

Please know that I know it's crazy to think the first guy I date post TGT would be "the one." But dammit, it was going great, there was plenty of chemistry (I thought) and he was showering me with attention. He seemed so much more emotionally mature and emotive than my ex. And I'll be honest, I miss him and I miss it. 

Post 1:

Most of you know that the guy I’ve been seeing since June took a nosedive and decided to break it off with me Sunday. I knew it was coming. (My therapist keeps telling me to trust my intuition. “You’re an NF, Sue. We have excellent intuition.”) He just seemed more distant and less into us and not the same. Only for a few days, even, so I though maybe it’s the shoulder issue or maybe the flaky ex-wife. I mean this poor guy is parenting alone at least 85 percent of the time. It makes dating hard.

But we really connected. We talked and texted a ton because we couldn’t always be together. He made me laugh. I made him laugh. We liked to do the same things. And he was so much more fucking mature than my ex. Most likely because he’d been through a difficult m

Rob,

Are you still seeing your therapist? 

And really, the ADs help. I couldn't sleep without them.

I know it's so much grief to wade through. And sometimes it hits us harder when we are finally in a safe enough place to experience it. This process isn't something I'd wish on anyone.

Sue

Welcome! This forum is a lifeline for those of us going through this process, because only people who have been through this can truly understand! Thinking of you.

My ex and I saw a parenting coordinator tonight together for the first time. We each saw her once alone last week. This is a person who is a licensed mental health professional and has completed training through the legal system. We are working with her to come to agreement on custody and parenting issues.

The hardest thing to hear my ex say when asked why he couldn't tell my 13 yr old daughter that she needs to respect me and understand I am her mother and we are a parenting team that she cannot divide and conquer, was this ... He said he could not say that because he cannot be sure that what I am doing or how I am parenting is actually something he agrees with or thinks is safe.

When I explained that I have no desire to get back together, have accepted what's happened, and want to be able to talk about our kids because it will be so much better for them if they see us getting along, I am told that I need to learn to parent on my own and not ask for his help. How incredibly condescending. I am not asking for your help jackass, I'm trying to communicate with you about our kids. I know how to parent. I'm doing the best I can as a single mother of three kids. You know nothing about being a single parent. I don't need your advice. You can keep giving that out to your patients while you can't see past the end of your own nose, you hypocrite.

Finally, I learned that my eldest had expressed suicidality to him many months back and he chose not to tell me. Because I am the cause of those urges. I was crushed.

I am treated over and over to a narrative in which I am the bad parent and always have been. I can't be trusted. I overreacted by experiencing grief, depression, and anger when my partner of 20 years announced he would divorce me, having never once mentioned it previously. Where is the narrative about the fact that he had a new partner within 6 weeks of leaving me, moved in with him, introduced him to my traumatized, shocked children, and lied to us all about his s