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1 - Kel
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Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I'm not saying that all porn leads to cheating, or the demise of a marriage. Although I'm sure it has in many cases. I just don't see porn as having ANYthing good coming from it. It can create problems, but it creates no good. It robs the viewer of the inherent purpose for sex (outside of procreation); intimacy. It make it all come down to bodies.
SO many men I know will act like porn is benign - kind of like flipping through a car magazine. But it's not the same thing at all. First off, you have the choice to buy any of the cars in the magazine if you have the cash for it. Men seem to like porn precisely because the female is unavailable and wants nothing from them. They get to visual excitement with no demands. How convenient (and not real)!
I love the other excuse too - the one where they say that they're just watching porn so they know how to have sex better. Really? REALLY???? Here's what the man is typically doing in the film: moving his hips. Or even just standing there. I'll be you can do all of that with no instruction. If that excuse were a real reason, then we'd see them actually reading books on how to improve. Or the porn we'd seem them watching would be all about making your woman cum. But it's not - it's all about what they wish was being done to and by them. And it ain't GIVING.
My husband and I had this issue before we married. I was like, "Look - QUIT it - it's NOT cool with me. He said okay, and then I'd look on his laptop and see shit. He tried to tell me that there was nothing wrong with it. Okay.... then how come it's never done in front of me? Hmmmm. Eventually, I just said, "Okay, fine. You want to make other women's naked bodies about nothing? Then I'm sure you'll be fine with me putting mine out there then, too. I'm going to post some pics to a porn sight for other men to view. No problem with them seeing my body, right?" HALE no! Okay, then here's the deal - you alone get the exclusive rights to look on my naked body. And I alone have exclusive rights to your f'ing EYEBALLS. Deal? DEAL.
I just think that if we saw porn as the filty, unnecessary thing it was, we'd have so many fewer men saying that it's OUR problem that we have a problem with their porn. And we certainly wouldn't be running into the gay porn thing and having them try to tell us it's no big deal. At least if porn were considered off limits and we found it, we'd know we have a big issues. We've normalized something that we used to view as filthy, and now we've invited the filth into our homes to sit at our table and hang on our walls. KICK.IT.OUT. It has no place in your marriage!
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Dixie
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Porn is cheating in my book. It is someone getting sexual gratification in secret outside of the marriage. It takes his time and attention away from me and it introduces fantasy men and women into his mind when he is being intimate with me. He also used the totally fake behavior and enthusiasm for strange of those paid (bad) actors to suggest there was something wrong with me ... that if I really loved him I would be willing to xyz too. Nope, I have certain healthy boundaries.
- selfrenewal
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
One of the problems I have with porn is that it dessenitizes the person viewing it. They become more acceptable of what they're watching and then stretch the boundaries and view something a little more deviant until that becomes "normal". It gradually causes a decline in people's morals where they begin accepting what use to be unacceptable to them. What do you all think of viewing porn together, as a couple?
- Kel
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I like the idea of viewing porn as a couple BETTER, but I still don't like it. I don't get what the purpose is. It's you getting excited about other people's bodies - what place does that have in a marriage? There are plenty of other ways to "spice up your love life", or "get the juices flowing" that don't include seeing others' bodies naked.
I totally agree about how it makes people accept more and more deviant sex as normal. And therein lies the real issue - it makes you feel like you need more and more of a "hit" after a while. It's a real addiction.
I feel that most women, if they could choose, would prefer that their husband NOT view porn at ALL. My husband tried to convince me countless times that viewing other women didn't mean he WANTED them. Or that he thought their bodies were "normal". Or that he wanted anyone but me. And on some level, I got that - I mean, if I go online to look at puppies, it doesn't mean that I don't love the dog I already have. However, I'd also be looking at something benign . And something that hurts no one. Looking at others makes women feel not good enough, no matter what their spouse tells them. And you know why? Because we're not supposed to be doing it.
Think about it - before about 50 years ago, it was uncommon to be able to see anyone naked unless you were married to them (or were a physician). ONE person, all the time. And you didn't even see anyone before them to compare them to. Whatever nipples you saw were perfect. Whatever penis you saw was presumably the size that everyone else's was. You literally had to get married to have sex unless you were in a brothel. Hence men were more than happy to do so. Now they just shop around for 20 years because they don't need to settle down to get what they want. It's alllll at their fingertip.
I know it's not just a problem for men. But being more visually stimulated than women, I believe they likely struggle with this more. You are not ENTITLED to get an eyefull of every woman you can just because you want to. Since when did wanting something entitle you to it? Heck, we've got businessmen that are trying to take entitlement of WATER away from the world and privatize it. But porn is a right or something? I think not.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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Thread Starter- selfrenewal
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I completely agree with you Kel. It's definitely way more accessible today and has become acceptable in society.
Unfortunately, my last few years have revolved around gay porn, heterosexual porn or its implications haven't even crossed my mind. I think all porn will be unacceptable in my next relationship bc it often doesn't stop at just viewing it, be it straight or homosexual porn. At least that's my opinion now.
Last edited by selfrenewal (August 20, 2016 3:27 pm)
- Rob
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I never looked at any. A lot of good that did me. I thought my ex didn't look at any but then the sites I found her visiting. .all lesbian.. but if her new girlfriend is so great why does she have to look at porn. I'm glad she's gone thought because I was concerned she'd bring drugs into the home also.
Its like she cheated and then figured she may as well be totally immoral.
Last edited by Rob (August 21, 2016 2:33 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- MrsPiper
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Kel , no you are not alone! I hate porn it has been the match that lit the flame to destruction in my marriage. Just last night my husband discovered we had some free channels this weekend and wanted to record some porn. I said go ahead I'm not watching it with you!!! He then said I guess I just cant be a man anymore. wtf? I said if we had a normal sex life I wouldn't care. I would watch it with you but we don't. Months could go by and I have to ask for sex and you feel you have to service me (oral) I hate it.
He is addicted to it. AFTER FINDING HIM JERKING OFF TO TRANNY PORN and finding naked men all over his computer I'm sick of it. Get this he said it was my fault he watched it (tranny) because I moved his regular porn. I did a year prior so the grandchildren wouldn't see it in tv cabinet. It was in his night stand where it had been for over a year. Then he proceeds to tell me "you know how I tease you about having a pool boy?well some times I wish you did.!" WTF? he didn't elaborate on it discussion over. So tired of it
- Rob
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Mrspiper,
Yeah it gets draining...one never knows what demeaning thing they will find..it took me lezex all of 2 months after her hookup with her girlfriend to start having gay sex toys delivered to the house...that I paid for.
No..I will not miss the gay crap.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Still Wondering
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I'm not a fan of it. I don't watch it. And I would never, ever feel comfortable watching with a guy. The industry I work in is mostly guys and over the years I've become like a sister to quite a few coworkers. When you work 8-9 hours a day for years with someone, you tend to share a lot. I've learned that for guys it's quite normal to view it, HOWEVER, most view it only occasionally. When someone thinks about it constantly, there's a problem. And none of them ever watched gay porn.
- Sue
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Nope. I think all porn is degrading to both genders. Or all genders, lol, I can't keep up with how many there are these days.
If I ever get partnered up again, no porn is an absolute must.
"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."