The more same-sex relationships are normalized in popular culture (in a healthy way) the better, I think. Hopefully one day there will be less of us unknowing "straight spouses." But, you're right, Elle...I've yet to see the story that portrays the gut-wrenching pain, confusion, and feelings of betrayal so many of us experience.

One of the worst parts about being in a MOM (for me) is that I didn't have a choice in the matter....so, when my husband told me he's bisexual 9 years and one young child into our relationship, I'm left with the perpetual question: What the hell am I supposed to do with that information? 

I'm sure many here can relate to some aspects of your story, but none of us can say whether or not your husband is gay. Gay or straight, it seems like he has major communication issues. I would tell him—calmly—not during or after an argument...that you'd like to try marriage counseling...You can pitch it as "marriage maintenance" so it's less intimidating. A third party can help initiate these important conversations in a non-threatening way and help you get to the root cause of the intimacy issues. 

Feeling lonely in a relationship is really awful...hope you can work it out. <3
Are you on reddit? Maybe try posting to the Marriage community for a wider response. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/
 

I agree with Daryl.

Listen to your gut on this one. There are loads of anonymous online forums where men (and women) can talk about being non-hetero. Download the Grindr app (assuming this is the one)....or talk to a gay friend. You will very quickly discover that it is so not an app for "chatting." 


Edited to add: So sorry you find yourself here. I remember how dark and confusing those early days were. Do you have someone *you* can talk to? Talking to my best friend was tremendously helpful for me.

Be kind to yourself. Ten months isn't very long—and you'll likely cycle through a bunch of different emotions as you grieve your old marriage. You're a loving and caring spouse—and have done nothing to feel bad about.
We are all on our own path. I think open marriages only work when both parts of the couple are enthusiastic about it. But, most people who get married expect monogamy...and there's nothing wrong with that ;) 
 

During those first few dark (and incredibly confusing) weeks post bomb drop, this blog had me (at times) laughing through my tears...and made me feel a little less alone. 

I thought I'd share it here—starting with the first post: 
True Story: Elle Woods outed my husband