No—the gay never goes away. In fact, the gay desires often seem to grow with age....(based on stories I've read in here and other forums). I'm not sure if there's a physiological reason for that (fluctuating hormone levels, etc) or if the non-straight spouse just becomes more comfortable in his/her identity....which, in many cases, they've repressed for most of their lives.

I'd spent way too much time on the "bisexual men" and "Married and bi" subreddits to try to get some insights from the "other side"—and a common theme/complaint is what they call the "bi cycle"...where the "gay side" waxes and wanes for days, weeks, or even months or years at a time...Frankly, it sounds pretty miserable...though no one knows what causes it. Perhaps that is what your husband is experiencing. It truly is a "mindfuck"...as it's been described many times here.

 

Last edited by Julian_Stone (October 20, 2020 12:06 pm)

I could not do it...I used to shake with the trauma..even when she went shopping with her straight friends..is she shopping or is it a date? Why should I have to wonder? She doesnt wonder when i meet a guy friend for a beer.

It's a lot anxiety and worry..the distrust.  It wore on me..made my chest feel tight..made me feel exhausted. I needed a full support system just to maintain reality and sanity.

I dont think its how someone that loves us should treat us..but that is what is so horrible about TGT..once we know there are no take backs.  To me it was just like my GX..if she was going to cheat or hurt me she was going to make it irrevocable, absolute, burn all bridges. 

Wishing everyone strength, fortitude, and courage.

Hi Virion,
You asked about a timeline of events in people's lives.  Mine goes like this: 

My husband and I were married when we were in our 50s.  He had never been married before.  We were really happy for eight years and then he started acting weird. Long story short - he became obsessed with drag queen shows and other gay events and then he started dressing like a woman and going out in public.  This went on for two years.  During that time period, he fluctuated - one day he absolutely needed his alternative lifestyle, the next day he was "all done".   Towards the end of two years, he admitted to sexual desire for men.  He went through intensive counseling but would not discuss it with me.  We ended up splitting up after two years, and then he claimed it was all just a phase.  I don't believe that.  It's not like a man can wake up one day and say "today I am going to wear a dress".  And it was all so sudden and intense and then - poof! It's over?  

I am sorry you are going through this.  I expect that every situation is unique but I am skeptical of the gay going away.  You sound like you are on the right path by looking out for your own mental health.  I wish I had done that.  Please stay well and all my best to you.  

Knew I’d seen it somewhere. See link to full article and relevant text below. Hope helps! 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/nov/03/did-i-ever-really-know-him-the-women-who-married-gay-men
’Did I ever really know him’?: The women who married gay men. 
Some reactions are more surprising. Service manager Roxanne says a post-disclosure honeymoon period can happen, and sex begins again because it brings back emotional intimacy. Such was the case for Madeleine. “Interestingly, after it came out, we had a brief spurt of sex together. The first time it happened, I cried. It had been eight years.”
 

Last edited by ExBeard (October 19, 2020 5:54 pm)