Ordinary guy wrote:

Supernova wrote:

My only relationship with a woman was my wife, who turned out to be a lesbian, so take this for what it's worth. I never commented on other women's bodies to my wife, especially when we were dating, because that was a sure fire way to piss her off. I also never commented on men being handsome because I didn't care. I've never had ED, but if that was going on I would treat it as a crisis. From my experience with my wife I'd tell you to trust your intuition. My wife said all kinds of bs because she refused to accept who she was, she was good at gas lighting because she'd been gas lighting herself her whole life.

 
Yep, same here. Was told repeatedly that “Women don’t like sex”, “You are not attractive anymore”, “You need to change this or that about yourself”, Even at my age I have no ED issues whatsoever. Like you say, an ED issue like this for a heterosexual man at 35 is a crisis. I think there is something else going on here. Something beyond gay.

Ordinary guy - I like your way of explaining things. This all makes a lot of sense in my situation too. Could you explain what you mean by  “something beyond gay”. My partner has suffered ED too, he is 32 and this has happened now for around 2 years but getting progressively worse, he cannot stay hard for sex anymore. But then he blames me for coming onto him the wrong way or “when it suits me” He isn’t really treating it as a crisis and isn’t doing much about it at all.

I should’ve mentioned he didn’t just bring it up randomly. he was explaining that he had ED and premature ejaculation because he doesn’t feel like the man of the house, telling me he needs to work on that, we need to work on our relationship for him to get better in the sexual department. This conversation led to me telling him maybe it’s just me, like maybe he just isn’t attracted to me. He told me last year after “sauna day” that “he knows there are better looking women than me - like the Barbie girls, but he assured me he loves me. It’s given me low self esteem and especially my confidence in the bedroom has dropped severely. I’m an attractive woman but not a barbie. I told him how his comments about better looking woman really hurt me - it’s just not something you say to your woman, of course it hurts. We all have different attractions and perspective of what is attractive. But to tell your lover who and what just for me is not respectful. So once I mentioned this he screamed at me that he doesn’t like a “done up, Botox, lip fillers barbie girl”. He actually looked me in the eye and said “I’ll tell you what I like - Asian girls” then went on to no no Latina no I meant Italian. This has really hurt me. I’m just wondering if this is him trying to point me in the other direction - any direction that avoids me thinking he’s gay. One minute he “hates women”  then he wants to tell me WHICH TYPE of woman he likes. Everything but me. He just doesn’t seem to know how to speak to a woman. What makes a woman happy/sad. Or he just doesn’t care.

Rob, would you ever discuss your physical preferences in a woman with your lover? Is there really any need? Especially when it’s so far from what your lover is.

I haven’t even told me family or friends anything about my relationship for months - always believing it’s me causing these problems, because that’s what he’s taught me to believe.

Hi all

Happy New Year - Hope you are all doing well

Not much has changed in terms of my relationship.

Can you believe I am still here, still in this relationship that I know I shouldn’t be in but cannot find the strength to leave. I’ve been made to believe that if I end this relationship it’ll be over my paranoia.

I lost my dear darling nanny in July last year. She was my bestest friend in the whole world who I could tell absolutely everything to. I miss her so much.

I’ve told him if I can loose my Nan and learn to live without her I can certainly do the same with him!

He made me delete Instagram in June. Because if I didn’t he would leave me. I only realise how messy this all is when I write it out here. I’ve not written for so long because I was busy grieving the loss of my darling Nan and had put all of this mindfuck to the back of my head. But it’s always lurking and constantly triggered again.

He told me he doesn’t believe a word I say. It’s actually laughable. I mean I look back to when I first met him - holes in his shoes and all. (Sorry for the judgement, but I’ve put up with alot ALOT worse) Who does he think he is treating me this way?

He’s had a few doctors appointments last year - for depression apparently. A few blood tests done. The last one ordered was for sex hormone. He told me he had low testosterone, then a few days later said he had TOO MUCH testosterone. He hasn’t been for the sex hormone blood test because he is too embarrassed because it says “sex hormone” on the form. Obviously because he’s gay right?

I asked him why he didn’t order another AIDS test because the first was inconclusive and he said “oh actually I did, and I told you about this” (he didn’t tell me) -  said he had a blood test and it came back fine.

He doesn’t wear boxer shorts anymore because “they hold up his balls which isn’t good for men and masculinity”      Orrrrrr maybe just easy access for his hook ups!

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Hi all

My story is on here somewhere some of you have probably had a read. My situation is not much better but I have a burning question that I hope some of you can answer or share similar experiences.

Hubby claims his “depression” began just after our daughter was born in august 2019. He says I was too occupied with our two children and he didn’t feel loved.

So my question is do these gay in denial husbands closet become harder to hide in once they have a daughter? Something relating to the fact they’ve used a woman and now they’re looking at their daughter and feeling huge amounts of guilt - because WE are also somebody’s daughter.

Just wondered if anyone has noticed this?  I just can’t fathom why he would become depressed once our daughter was born and then proceed to make me feel unwanted because “I was too occupied with our children”

Thanks guys I hope you’re all well xx