Anon2222 wrote:

I hate my "new" life. Nothing is going well. I'm exhausted, stressed all the time, depressed AF and broke.

I am so sick of people telling me you're better off, it'll get better, you'll find someone else or whatever else BS they can throw at me. I'm miserable as hell and what's the point in lying to myself about how this will get "better".

Maybe if I won the lottery...at least the financial stuff would improve...

FROM CANT MAKE:
Anon- I truly understand what you are going through.  While I am happy to be away from my ex, the devastation he wrought, especially on my daughter, is unbearable. 

I, like you, tire of the platitudes. I think it’s what people say because they don’t know what to say. People who have never been through trauma simply can’t relate.

So I will tell you 2 things (1) what you are going through absolutely sucks and you are justified in the way you feel about. (2) please please think of at least 1 person - and I mean it sincerely that it can be me if you don’t have someone closer - who would be devastated if you didn’t keep going.  For their sake you have to get through every damn miserable day. Because as much as this sucks, you would cause them enormous pain if you didn’t.

Finally, I smiled when you mentioned people saying you’ll find someone else. If I had a buck for every time someone said that I might not be facing homelessness. What on earth makes these people assume that I would want another relationship is beyond me. I think it must be how their feeling that life isn’t complete without a mate. Uh, I’ll take some casual sex at some point but no relationship thank you. I just learned to say nothing.

Hang in there.

How is this my life now? Ugh. I went from thinking things might work out ok in April to a downward slide that won’t stop. 
I sit here on 10/19/22 with no job (the job I got in April that I was so excited about was a nightmare), no income, no medical benefits, no open work prospects, overwhelming debt for which bankruptcy is not a feasible option (it’s complicated but I’ve talked with several attorneys), having to pay spousal support to a cheating alleged rapist sociopath gay ex.  Going back on disability, which my doctors support, is not an option (I can’t wait 8 months for a determination with no income in the meantime and no benefits for the first 5 months). Unemployment not an option with a 4 week determination period for not enough to live on. I’m not functioning or working as productively as I used to - I know that - so I am afraid I will fail at any new job I manage to get (working through this with my therapist who keeps telling me the last 2 jobs were not my fault, but I have a hard time accepting that).

I had just figured out a way to maybe make things work through January with a lower paying job I had taken (after fighting with the court because I needed a break from high stress work) plus doing door dash nights and weekends and then using the little money I had saved to supplement. That meant I wouldn’t have to break my lease so no extra fees and negative credit report. I went to the new job (I didn’t want it - dreaded it - lots of red flags- but I needed a job so the court wouldn’t delay my divorce) on Monday 10/11 which was less than a month from when I stated and I got fired. The boss - who literally spoke to me 2 times over the month - said it wasn’t a fit between me and him. I said you never even spoke to me! It was shady from the start but it was income and medical benefits. So no more job.

My sole source of income is now door dash which I am hoping can cover food, prescriptions, car payment and insurance. I have to break my l

lily wrote:

wow, that does sound good, fingers crossed for you.

It's hard not to say I am doing okay with a nice bit of sunshine to cheer us up after all the floods.  

I overdid the gardening a couple of weeks ago and I was more tired than normal, I did not feel well for a while and now I have stopped taking all the sugar, oh boy that was an awful shock, I went out and bought lots of fruit juices so I could get more fructose.  and these last couple of days I really am feeling better again.

I am so sorry about you losing your cat. I know that people who aren’t pet lovers can’t relate to the significance that animals have in our lives.

When you talked about not feeling well it really hit a chord with me. Physically I feel worse than I ever have in my life and I think stress and not getting enough sleep at night are big contributors. I made a commitment to myself yesterday that I will make taking better care a priority so I can see if it makes a difference. Glad you seem to be doing the same. Take care.

I feel more and more established in my new life, I am proud of myself and comfortable in my company, I lost my cat but have become more friendly with my neighbours in the process - not that that makes up for losing her, of course but it helps.

I have no answers but I am working on my answer.

Upside wrote:

Like others, I think you're spouting wisdom, Can’t_make_this_up.

You are right to be offended when people catchphrase their way into politely changing the subject. Your life of many years is going up in flames and "friends" are demurely saying all will be well. If anything, you're learning who is worth your time moving forward.

But I have to say: look at you rise. You were nearly given a triple knockout here by life, instead of lying down you bounced up and swung harder. This chapter of your life is going to be amazing, not because of some warm fuzzy Facebook tagline, but because you're going to show everyone what you're made of. You've got this.

Upside - I think I am tearing up reading you wonderful message. Thank you so much for your kind words. I know for sure I can say the same about you!! Take care.

HopelessRomantic wrote:

I’ve spent literally my entire adult life starving for my spouse’s attention/affection and never getting even close to enough of it... my confidence is emaciated and my self esteem worn thin. When my youngest was conceived, it came as a huge surprise because my husband almost never touched me and at the time I had given up even trying to initiate anything because I was so sick of being turned down. We haven’t ‘successfully’ made love since. It’s been over a year. We’ve tried a couple times, but it always just kind of ends unceremoniously a couple minutes in and I’m fed some excuse. I’ve been dining on excuses for years, constantly trying to ‘save’ my marriage and make this work.

I tell myself “it’s not you, it’s him” but I still feel like it’s me... like there’s something wrong with me and I’m just not worthy of being loved or wanted the way I wish I was. Like I could never be enough for someone. I’m 1/3 of the way through my life and I feel old and frail and jaded; I feel like a broken toy.

Dear Hopeless - so many things I want to say to you as I cycled through those emotions until I finally realized the truth. I am super tired so will respond more later but as someone older than you - 56 - I have to tell you:
IT IS NOT YOU.  IT IS NOT YOU. IT IS HIM. HE MAKES YOU FEEL BAD TO DEFLECT HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS LIFE OF LIES. IT IS NOT YOU.