OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



October 20, 2022 10:54 pm  #31


Re: SPARE ME THE PLATITUDES

MJM,

If only. My attorney and I have been trying for over a year everything imaginable. I know it’s hard for people to comprehend the laws of a no-fault state, especially when you are dealing with an absolute user who refuses to work with you. Even my friends have a hard time accepting it because it is so unfair. I finally stopped trying to explain it. I just tell them it’s complicated. As my attorney told me ‘the court does not give us justice - just a legal end to the marriage.’ I chuckled a bit when you said a one time payment. My gx abused the finances to the point of no assets and mounds of debt.

 

October 20, 2022 11:08 pm  #32


Re: SPARE ME THE PLATITUDES

Anon2222 wrote:

I hate my "new" life. Nothing is going well. I'm exhausted, stressed all the time, depressed AF and broke.

I am so sick of people telling me you're better off, it'll get better, you'll find someone else or whatever else BS they can throw at me. I'm miserable as hell and what's the point in lying to myself about how this will get "better".

Maybe if I won the lottery...at least the financial stuff would improve...

FROM CANT MAKE:
Anon- I truly understand what you are going through.  While I am happy to be away from my ex, the devastation he wrought, especially on my daughter, is unbearable. 

I, like you, tire of the platitudes. I think it’s what people say because they don’t know what to say. People who have never been through trauma simply can’t relate.

So I will tell you 2 things (1) what you are going through absolutely sucks and you are justified in the way you feel about. (2) please please think of at least 1 person - and I mean it sincerely that it can be me if you don’t have someone closer - who would be devastated if you didn’t keep going.  For their sake you have to get through every damn miserable day. Because as much as this sucks, you would cause them enormous pain if you didn’t.

Finally, I smiled when you mentioned people saying you’ll find someone else. If I had a buck for every time someone said that I might not be facing homelessness. What on earth makes these people assume that I would want another relationship is beyond me. I think it must be how their feeling that life isn’t complete without a mate. Uh, I’ll take some casual sex at some point but no relationship thank you. I just learned to say nothing.

Hang in there.

     Thread Starter
 

October 21, 2022 7:04 am  #33


Re: SPARE ME THE PLATITUDES

Can'tMakeThisUp:

   While my situation was far more fortunate than yours, and I hesitate to say something that could be considered just another useless platitude, I will say that my ex left the marriage with more than his fair share of our marital assets (and yes, I realize you don't), and I let this happen.  I considered it then, and still do now, the price of my freedom.  (And yes, perhaps I had the luxury of conceiving it that way because I had assets.)
Maybe the best you're going to do is get the least unfair settlement you can.  I'm sorry.

 

 

October 21, 2022 10:06 am  #34


Re: SPARE ME THE PLATITUDES

Can't make this up,

Yes to what OOHC said.

There are bad employers out there and getting a job is very hard work.  But there is a labor shortage with unemployment at 3.5% in the US. If one company hired you, so will others.

LinkedIn is free and has lots of resources on how to navigate being laid off, doing a career pivot for a higher paying job, how to network, reach out to employers for informational interviews, etc.  As an example, a recent newspaper article highlighted airlines wanting to hire retirees. They are professional vs those in their 20s who tend not to be so devoted. Retirees liked the travel perks with the job.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

October 24, 2022 6:48 am  #35


Re: SPARE ME THE PLATITUDES

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Can'tMakeThisUp:

   While my situation was far more fortunate than yours, and I hesitate to say something that could be considered just another useless platitude, I will say that my ex left the marriage with more than his fair share of our marital assets (and yes, I realize you don't), and I let this happen.  I considered it then, and still do now, the price of my freedom.  (And yes, perhaps I had the luxury of conceiving it that way because I had assets.)
Maybe the best you're going to do is get the least unfair settlement you can.  I'm sorry.


To Out of His Closet:
My friend calls the spousal support I have to pay my ‘freedom tax’ 😂’

 

     Thread Starter
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum