"It was as though our respective positions on the intersectional chart of victimhood meant that I was at fault no matter how much she lied and bullied me and others."

It's not fair, is it? Society has made a great misstep in ordering victims. We used to freely understand that those betrayed, lied to, used, abused, were the victims. Now it's believed that society is the great victimizer by virtue of nothing but supposition, and that's all that matters.

"Do I have to be sorry for being a straight white male because women, gay, trans, and people of color experience personal pain?  Does their pain lessen my own because of my 'privilege' of being a straight white male?"

Definitely not. There are those of us out here that still know actual from fantasy constructed victim. Checking ones "privilege" in the midst of actual abuse is a repulsive dismissal based on some loony projection of personal guilt by the person that says it. It's a profoundly ridiculous trope made purely to shutdown the speaker. "Check your privilege" translates to "shut-up and drink the Kool-aid".

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, Vic. I positively understand where you're coming from on this.

Super good short article by Helen Dale.

https://thecritic.co.uk/reality-has-been-cancelled/

"I find a lot of this rhetoric (and the resources shared by Out of His Closet) to be extremely transexclusionary"

We aren't here to center trans. We are here to center straight spouses. What you are labeling as "rhetoric" are people's lived experiences. I find the term extremely insulting to the members you have used it against.

 "I also think that it is a good practice to get in the habit of being able to share your story without projecting it onto someone else's experience"

Projecting did not occur. Recognition of words like "may" "might" or "could" are key in understanding the differences between projection and explaining possibility.

"I came here seeking support and an ear to vent and to hear other experiences"

That is what you received, however, you have seen fit to label these experiences that you claim you want to hear as "rhetoric" and worse.

"people who d are trying to convince others that their experience will be the same, using fear tactics under the guise of experience and understanding, and essentially asserting that all trans spouses behave the same way."

Now people's lived experiences are "tactics" and a "guise" for some agenda.

"I do know in my gut that this is not a helpful online space for me"

Your journey will play out as it does. Whether this forum could or could not be a helpful space for you is as yet undetermined. What isn't helpful to any support forum is expecting the inhabitors of said place to conform to a preconceived notion that you have as to what defines "helpful", and when you deem it not conforming to your preconceived notion of "helpful", labeling it as "rhetoric" "projection" "guise" and "tactics".

Your scold post in order to dismiss and condemn the lived experiences of these ladies is some serious high-handed bullshit and is in no way considerate of what they have gone through and cont

"I don't agree that allowing trans women to use our bathrooms will lead to sexual assaults.  I think men who want to dress up as female and get in there to commit assaults, are going to do it regardless of what the "rules" are."

I used to think that too. Unfortunately, it's not the reality in a lot of cases. What activists are demanding is that anyone that claims to be trans is trans. It cannot be questioned. There is no hormone treatment or surgery necessary, merely their self ID. While I fully believe that not all are a danger, the percentage of actual dysphoric individuals vs individuals with paraphilias is small. Removing women's rights to question, and legalizing any man to enter women's spaces, endangers women and the children who use women's spaces.

Activists claim that assaults will happen regardless, and I'll agree that's true, however, a quick google search will tell you how many times since this activism started men have flat out used it as a way to invade women's spaces for their sexual purposes.

My friend Miranda explains it best (Mir is a transsexual btw for context).
https://mirandayardley.com/en/girl-dick-the-cotton-ceiling-and-the-cultural-war-on-lesbians-girls-and-women/

His address to Parliament.
https://mirandayardley.com/en/how-transgender-became-the-new-black-presentation-in-parliament-on-31-october-2017/

For the record, Mir is welcome in the bathroom with me anytime. A sane man who knows he's a man with the problem of dysphoria and not a fetishist. There's the rub I suppose - the difference between a man that has sexualized woman and womanface, vs a man that has not.

"Is there nothing we can do? Nothing? Can we rise up against it? Can we stand up as women against it? There are many valid reasons to stand against this?"

A lot of us do, but there always needs to be more. More women, more voices. Women only spaces (bathrooms, locker rooms, changing rooms, positions on councils, boards, politics) are being usurped. Men in dresses are counting as women filling positions so that women are actually losing out in getting positions in corporations and politics.
https://mexiconewsdaily.com/news/oaxaca-candidates-arent-transgender-after-all/
https://patch.com/new-jersey/newarknj/transgender-woman-will-lead-gender-studies-program-rutgers
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-43962349
Girl organizations like GirlGuiding in the UK are being altered to accommodate male children who ID as girls, and men as leaders who ID as women.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-45642054
Both gold and silver in 100m girls’ dash in Connecticut went to natal males. This is an ongoing court saga now. Meanwhile the actual girls missed wins and possible scholarships.
https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/connecticut-transgender-policy-found-to-violate-title-ix/2278511/
Swimming competitions in some states, and university athletics in Canada, have switched to self-ID.
Rhys/Rachel McKinnon/Veronica Ivy, became a women’s world champion in a cycling competition. When the third-placed female cyclist complained that a natal male had an unfair advantage, McKinnon called her a transphobe.
https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/by-winning-a-canadian-transgender-cyclist-fans-flames-of-gender-politics
Stephen Terence Wood/Karen White, a self-identified trans with a record of sexual offences against women, was placed in a women’s pris[color=#191919]on in Britain—and promptly assaulted several other prisoners.
[url]