I'm at a loss as to how to explain what's going on, even in really vague terms, to people in my outer circle - with whom I interact with more than my inner circle, sometimes. Ex. coworkers, boss, acquaintances, registrars at my child's schools (etc)

I don't intend be a spectacle, but when my work is suffering or I'm visibly not myself, I'd like to feel like I have a go to way to framing the situation that isn't taxing on me or the person I'm talking to.

Has anyone settled on a nice approach? Looking for examples to see what may or may not work.

Thanks, Stronger and Dutchman. Every day feels like a month or so and brings a new set of feelings.  Yesterday he got mad at something I did. For the first time in forever. I feel like it took on new magnitude (not consciously) because he wants me to be "at fault," too. I'm still sort of shellshocked. It felt like another abandonment.

Are either of your spouses out in the rest of their lives? My husband really strongly wants to be out in every aspect of his life and I'm not in the way of that (at least not intentionally). Just wondering if that's a factor and how it works in your situations. I need a model that allows for open expression of both identities...

Also, I'm struggling to make use of my therapist. How did you know yours was a good one? What sort of support have you found most helpful?

Stronger - I hope you find the pain becoming more manageable and I'm glad you have a good friend to listen. I'd been so tied to my partner as my best friend and only outlet that reconnecting with old friends and discovering their love and support is what most sustains me. Other than the absolutely amazing kids I have.

My husband and I are about 1.5 months out from him uncovering repressed feelings (thanks, Catholicism). We've been together 13 years. He's gay. Bi would've given me hope. I think I have bi tendencies. But gay is a hard starting point in a hetero marriage.

Our two young kids are beautiful and we both adore them completely. We're best friends. We complete each other's thoughts and have the same values. I thought I was unique in a sense when I first came to these board a few hours after trying to process the news, but rereading these forums I'm almost lost in the familiarity.

We had a fun romp in the first month. Both allowing desire to awaken. Seeking each other's closeness. Until I said offhand something about being in love, and he matter of factly said he wasn't in love with me any more. Which makes me wonder what it means to be "in love." He's hard pressed to define it because he's got so many unknown and novel sensations. He's a child again, in a lot of ways. But does in love mean the focus of desire?

So, we're not giving up. Even if we're in the group that has about 2-3 years before splitting, those 2 years will allow us to grow. Yes, and hurt. But also learn new ways to love.

The problem is figuring out how to not give up. 

This weekend we were solemnly listing to the radio in the car and they were talking about Dolly Parton. Of course Dolly fixes everything. The host was discussing a book to describe the Dolly phenomenon - Beyond Doer and Done To.  It's a bit too heavy at the moment for my fried brain, but was wondering if anyone has any experience of how to move on with something like this approach. 

The blurb: Jessica Benjamin [i][size=100]expands her theory of mutual recognition and its breakdown into the complementarity of "doer and done to." Her innovative theory charts the growth of the Third in early development through the movement between recognition and breakdown, and shows how it parallels the enactments in the psychoanalytic relati