I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. My heart breaks for you. 
Our stories are similar in many ways. Before the gay bomb dropped I too thought I had the perfect marriage. We rarely fought, I was deeply in love and trusted him more than anyone else on the planet.
To have your entire reality shatter in an instant is so traumatic. Be kind to yourself. Take good care of yourself and your children. Definitely find a therapist and confide in loved ones if you're able. You will get through this. I'm almost a year out and things do get better/easier.

I'm so so sorry oneuponatime. Your story mirrors mine in many ways, so I completely understand your pain.

After my husband admitted to being gay and wanting a divorce (he very briefly labeled himself as bi) we stayed in the same home, in separate bedrooms, for several months and it was torture.

Once I moved out I think the real healing could begin, so I'm glad you've asked him to leave. That physical distance will be good for your mental health and healing.

I wish I had some magic words to make it all better, but just know that we're all here to listen and we're rooting for you. None of this is your fault and you deserve to be loved and happy.

I've been living apart from my GEX since October of last year and I feel better and stronger with each day that passes. Am I healed? Not even close. But it does get better. Sending BIG hugs.

John Doe,

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I was in your shoes last August when I discovered my husband of 12 year's secret. He denied being gay for a brief moment (called himself curious and then bisexual) and then admitted he's always known he was gay and wanted a divorce.

Those first few days/weeks were filled with such intense emotion and I remember being panicked, feeling lost and hopeless, and having no idea where to turn, but it does get easier. There is a wealth of wisdom and support here on this board, and it definitely helps to know that you're not alone.

My only advice would be to focus on yourself. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to feel all the feels. My initial instinct was to protect, support and help heal my poor struggling husband, but I quickly realized that was wasted energy. He had already moved on and was happily cruising the internet and apps for his next relationship.

Sending big virtual hugs. Be well.

I AM enjoying my new-found freedom. I'm still sad a lot of the time and still have much healing to do. But there are also wonderful things in my life that I'm grateful for. I have a career, a therapist who's been an immense help, and family who love and support me. I lived alone for the first few months post-separation but recently moved in with a single girlfriend I've known since junior high, and that's been great for my mental health. I wanted to hide/isolate, but ultimately knew that probably wasn't the best choice.
The future ex and I spent the majority of our marriage living thousands of miles away from family but moved back to our home state in 2018 and I'm so glad we did. I imagine this would've been an even harder journey if we still lived on the other side of the country.

I agree that it's not healthy to remain in contact with him and my therapist has said much the same. I think I'm playing nice and staying in contact because I'm afraid if I cut him off or I out him he'll retaliate, either in the divorce or in some other way. Our relationship absolutely fit the narcissist/co-dependent mold and we all know narcissists don't fight fair. In our final years together there were plenty of instances where I'd confront him about something he did that hurt my feelings and instead of apologizing he'd launch an attack on my character and bad mouth me to friends and family, even make up outrageous lies about me. I mentioned this fear to my roommate recently and she laughed and assured me that nobody would take him seriously, but I still worry.

I think you're spot on that he's worried about what people will think if/when they learn what a jerk he's been. I WANT to believe that he's not a terminal narcissist, that he only developed those tendencies as a coping mechanism, as a result of hiding and lying for most of his life. I want to believe that he'll eventually accept the damage he's done and apologize and make an effort to grow and really change,

I've donated twice this month and wish I could give more, because I can't thank the SSN enough for the support. I had no idea where to turn when I discovered my husband's secret back in August, and I'm so grateful that a quick google search lead me to the SSN. Keep up the good work! Hopefully in a couple of years I'll be in a better place emotionally and can volunteer to help others on this journey.