Hello everyone, I'm new to SSN after learning a few days ago of all the lies from a 17 year marriage. My husband (39) and I (38) had what I thought was such a good and strong marriage. Our marriage was full of laughter and joy. We didn't have communication problems, we never really fought. We always talked things through. We were a team, a very good team at that. We supported each other in our careers. We achieved everything that we set our goals to. We loved each other, we also had great chemistry. We have two beautiful children together. My world was so blissful until it came crumbling down on me. I now feel like the stupid wife, some piece of washed up trash. How could I have not seen what was really going on for so long.

In 2019 as we were moving cross country my husband randomly told me that he had one sexual encounter with a man. The encounter was before he met me. I was shock and didn't understand where this was coming from. At that point we were married for 14 years. I was so shocked I couldn't wrap my head around this. After asking him questions upon questions he added that he also went online and did video chats and masturbated in front of other guys. We went to counseling, we were able to talk to each and we both committed to working on our marriage. I though we were in a good place after counseling.

Jul 2021 my family came to visit and we planned a family camping trip. The night before we left to go camping I walked up to the bedroom and heard him talking on the phone to someone at 11pm. This is out of the norm for him. So I politely asked honey who are you talking to. He had a blank look on his face and said, nobody. I kept asking then he said he talked to his mom. Which was weird cause it was pretty late for his mom to call. He then came down stairs, I followed him to ask to look at his phone. He deleted the incoming call...weird. This event was the start to the end of our marriage.

For the next week, we talked about why he lied and if there was anything else. The conversation evolved from "I feel like I never do anything right for you". To "I don't know what you want from me". To your so controlling. I am dumbfounded, I have never seen so much hate and anger, he has never been mean to me in the 17 years I have been with him. We agreed that we love each other and I would work on the things that was wrong with me. I thought we were moving in the right direction to better improve our marriage and communication. When we came home he brought the idea of having an open relationship and bringing a man into our bed to spice things up. I struggled with the idea but agreed so that he would be happy. I let him do the searching for the person he wanted to bring into our bed. As he was searching online, I noticed how excited he was and how well he navigated the dating sites. This lead me to ask more and more questions. He was not forthcoming at all, we would stay up until 5am talking. I realized my husband was extremely attracted to young men (early 20s). After three nights of asking, poking, probing he finally let out some damaging information. He had been going on gay dating sites and hooking up with random men since 2007 off and on. But he doesn't see himself as gay, he said he was attracted to both men and women. The worst was when he went away for school or training. The most devastating part is that as he was away for school for 7 months to RI he feel in love with a 20 year old boy after beign exclusively with him for 5 months. He would go and pick up his bf at his house every night after he would tell us good night and how much he loved and missed us. He would drop the bf off every morning, then call me to say good morning sunshine. He even introduced himself as the bf to the boy's family. He never told the bf that he was married with kids. He also denied loving his bf, but I had access to his Instagram, I read through months of their conversations. It made me so so sick to read how so in love he was with this boy and that he wants to marry him. At the same time he was confessing his love for me and how he wanted to work on our marriage and that family is his number one priority. He told me I am his best friend and that nobody knew him better than me. But as soon as he walked into another room or bathroom he would txt his bf how much he missed him and it hurt so bad that he was away. He would also lie to the bf that he was away at sea so he didn't have signal. I have never known my husband to cheat and lie, but I realized how good he was at it.

When I found all this new information a few days ago. I went into a rollercoaster of emotions I was ok, then I would start crying uncontrollably. My heart was numb, I can't sleep and haven't had a full meal in over a week. I feel like my whole marriage was a lie. Why would he keep me around and drag me and the kids along like some sick game. He lied and got what he wanted, the best of both worlds with a family and his side piece. After knowing what I know now, he still wanted to work on our marriage and stay together. He would cry and tell me how much the family meant to him. He was still sleeping in my bed and held me when ever he got a chance. I know I could not stay, our marriage was nothing but lies and betrayal. The moment I told him this would not work out since he clearly loved being with men, he flipped a switch. He then started telling me intimate details of his relationship and how much he loves his bf. He also went on to tell me that his bf completes him. He does not take into consideration how I felt. He also wanted to buy his bf a new Apple phone and laptop, since his phoen broke and he needs his own laptop for school. He added the bf to our phone plan.The following day he booked a trip to go "smooth" things over with his bf in RI. It's painful how inconsiderate he is about the situation, we just agreed on a divorce two days ago no paper work has been started and he is already trying to move his bf in to our lives.  He apologized for beign a bad husband, and lying about how he felt about me. He has proven to me he never cared about me or the kids. He only cared for himself. The pain is still fresh and it hurts so so bad, but I know this will pass and I will find happiness again, but I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.