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This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


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February 2, 2021 4:35 pm  #1


Snooping for Curious Spouses

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer nor is this legal advice. Be sure to look up legal information specific to your country/state or consult your attorney before taking any of the actions below. Seriously.

Digital Discovery (aka Snooping) for Curious Spouses

Let me start by describing you. You're a kind, caring, supportive spouse of someone whose actions don't align with their words. Because you're also patient, you've tried a dozen ways to communicate your needs and issues, each ending in disaster. Sure, there was a week or two of change from your loved one, but eventually, they slipped back into the "old ways". With each day that passes you find more clues that indicate they are still up to their no-good behavior. And while you keep asking with increasing intensity, you're convinced this issue is simply a communication issue and with time it will likely solve itself.

Sound like anyone you know?

---


In an ideal world, both parties in a relationship would always be open and honest. 

Unfortunately, the reality is a bit more dramatic. Some spouses see lying, gaslighting, and cheating on their spouse as some sort of perverse game. They revel in creating marital confusion and enjoy having a secret life hidden from your view.

For those of us who have found the Straight Spouse Network, these lies are often even more extreme than those of traditional affairs. It is one thing to learn of your partner's infidelity, but another to realize that this infidelity is happening with someone of the same sex. The avalanche of questions that race through one's mind can be debilitating, with many partners unable to move forward until they have the "full truth". 

While many spouses eventually admit what has occurred, it seems an equal number continue the denials in spite of all proposed evidence.

This overview is for partners of spouses who refuse to be open. We will explore methods of snooping and digital discovery tools to uncover past actions.

Is Snooping Moral?

You may be hesitant and wonder if snooping is a moral path. This is a personal decision I cannot make for you. But I can share a story.

I was taught that a good partner was: honest, proactively communicative, trusting, and always willing to compromise. 

Here’s what the perfect spouse of a liar looks like: honest, proactively communicative, trusting, and always willing to compromise. 

Notice any similarities? The same people who make wonderful spouses just so happen to make perfect rubes for a cunning manipulator. Being the kind human you are, you are prone to assign that same kindness to the actions of others, even if their deeds look sinister to the outside.

Some people are talented liars. My wife was a liar. Your spouse may be one too. The best ones don't look like a liar until it's too late.

My marriage of 20+ years was always rocky. Being high school sweethearts, I overlooked her breaking promises and ignoring boundaries. 20 years in, I received a voicemail of someone moaning my wife's name, to which my wife blamed me for believing she could cheat. A creeping dread found its way into my heart as I realized the other voice sounded like a female. After finding her hiding clean underwear in her purse, I finally decided to uncover what was really happening. I discovered that my wife had been unfaithful for 15 years.  It took less than 5 days to find dozens of male and female affairs in full detail. Affairs she reveled in, while enjoying watching me writhe.

My personal belief is that defending yourself from a potential abuser (who just so happens to be your mate) is not morally wrong. Good relationships are built on verified trust, not imaginary promises. If a partner cannot help you to feel comfortable with their actions, then it is in your moral right to demand it before continuing forward. To do anything else is an injustice you do to yourself.

Additionally, a good union does not need one party to act as the marriage police. A spouse should be able to view all of their partner's actions if they so choose to make a fully informed decision about their future. While there is a fine line between snooping and creepy stalking, the key here is in your significant other's words. If your partner is making endless promises that never match their actions, this is called lying. Revealing that your husband or wife is lying to you isn't stalking, it is fairness, allowing you to make an educated decision about your future.

The Truth About Truth

Almost every device we touch is a data mine. You don't need to be a super hacker to unlock this information, nor do you need to be very technically savvy. If you're reading this forum right now you have the skills needed to learn what you feel you need to learn. This overview will also share methods to expand this data collection further until you feel you have a definitive answer. 

But before we go further let's start with something I'll (modestly) call Upside's law: No amount of evidence is enough for the kind-hearted spouse of a cheater.

You may start wanting any form of proof at all, but the requirements of this proof will get more and more stringent the more you collect. A strange text message might become odd restaurant receipts. Receipts might become hidden hotel visits. Hidden hotels may become needing to catch them on audio or video. Or eventually, for the most very committed, you will have all of this and still believe that their affair was a uniquely special moment in time and they won't do it again. Sure!

The sad fact is, when we love someone so fully it can be hard to accept reality. Offloading this to "need to collect more evidence" is delaying taking action so we can pretend our love is who we want them to be for just a bit longer.

Before you begin snooping, define your bar. What is definitive proof for you? Why? Write it down. If you don't draw this line now it will become much tougher to define once we move forward.

My Mission

My goal with this post is to empower people who feel lost. Uncovering your spouse's hidden words and pictures is one way to move beyond their words and see the truth. It could be that they are being honest and you can happily move forward with this knowledge. Or maybe you learn that they have reasons to lie so frequently.

My recommendations emphasize low cost and easy to implement solutions. An average person on this forum should be able to use all of the options shared below without fear.

Whenever possible, I believe that you should back up the data you collect to a password-protected hard drive. In the beginning, I threw most of what I collected away. In retrospect, having these comes at no cost and may prove valuable down the line. In my case specifically, I threw away an audio file that looked benign, but only six months later did I realize was the best evidence I had. If you're dealing with someone who remains in the closet or have a looming divorce outside of a no-fault state this is especially key.

Snooping Using Devices

There are many ways today to record audio, video, or GPS information today without a spouse's discovery. Please do so only if it is legal to do so in your country or state. I'm not a lawyer so consult one just in case. The below are my personal recommendations based on real-world use where it is completely legal to do so.

Audio Recording

This recorder is great because it is small, looks like a USB drive, records for 8+ hours straight, and it simply saves the audio file on the USB device. The best way to use these is to place them discreetly in the corner of a room. Whether under some papers or behind some books, they can be placed in seconds and record

If you want to get very creative you can sew them into a bag or purse. I used this approach to learn that my wife was using the time with her "best friend" to lock the kids in the basement and spend the remainder of the morning together in their bedroom. Awful discovery, but it cost me $15 and some ingenuity. It remains the best money I've ever spent.

If you need a free audio editing app to boost volume or clarify conversations I would recommend Audacity. Depending on your experience, it may take some time to learn but it is free and powerful.

Video Recording

There are endless options. I've tried Wi-Fi cams, bottle cams, and even a pen camera. The pen cam made me feel like a spy, but look like an idiot. Most options are terrible, especially for the less technical.

The best of these are the USB charger cameras. They're small, unassuming, easy to work with, and provide a remarkable amount of detail for being barely bigger than a normal USB charger.

If you're looking for something you can watch video on over Wi-Fi, the best recommendation is this camera. It is small, quality, available over Wi-Fi if properly configured, and cost-effective. The app that comes with it is awful. But it is another option.

GPS Tracking

Later on, we'll explore using tracking apps on someone's phone, but a less discussed method is to utilize a dedicated tracking device. Here's one I use and recommend.

These are about as big as a hockey puck, use magnets to stick on the inside of a car, and have their own low power connection so they will continuously track for weeks on one charge. What really makes them worthwhile though is the online software. Unlike Find My iPhone or similar, you have a much more detailed recording that can be played back through time or even downloaded.

There is a cost for the device and subscription. This is only helpful for those that need to prove exact GPS details. The subscription can be deactivated via the web easily, so while there is added cost it is quite an amazing little device. You will feel like Batman...a very sad Batman.

Email Accounts

Email is a common way cheaters speak with their kind. Search is your friend. Remember to search by keyword, by name, and by email.

Most experienced cheaters will cover their tracks. If their email account is online these deletions are instant. Unless you're the FBI, this information is gone.

If your cheater is using an email client on their desktop computer, such as Outlook or Apple Mail, then you are in luck. These store the database information locally. Please see the "Recovering Deleted Files and Backups" section.

If your cheater is using an email client on their mobile or tablet, even deleted information has a possibility to be brought back. Please see the "Recovering Deleted Files and Backups" section.

Sometimes cheaters like to save evidence of their conquests. My wife did. She deleted all of her emails thinking she was suave but she saved a few as PDFs on her desktop computer. Be sure to do a search by keyword, name, and email here as well. I found a detailed love letter from an affair partner to my wife, where she responded "I feel the same. When are you coming to town?". Case closed, Mrs Suave.

Financial Accounts

Cheaters tend to like money. They need it to get what they desire. Whether that is a subscription to a dating app, secret lingerie purchases, a payment via Cash app to an escort, or a clandestine hotel visit, there is always a trail.

If you can, link all of your financial accounts up to a tool like Mint.com or similar. Then, occasionally check that all data is importing properly. For 99% of the time, this should be an automated way of keeping an independent record of all transactions which can be easily exported.

If you find a suspicious charge you can label it. This will make future transactions easier to pin down.

Smart cheaters know that they are being watched. But they still need money, so they will trade primarily in cash. This will look like ATM visits or checks being deposited, with cash taken out alongside. ATMs are easy to follow. But checks often are harder to spot. If you see payroll checks coming in at round numbers (ex: 5.35 vs 5.00) then they are likely taking money on the side.

Additionally, most stores allow the option to take out cash alongside a purchase when using a debit card. This can be challenging to identify, but often looks like a transaction at the local grocery store that leaves the dollar amount round. The last time I bought food it was not an exact number. Seeing $100 or $110 on a transaction here tends to be a sign there are skimming money.

In my case, I found that my spouse was buying one of her lover's cufflinks while sending the other extravagant flowers every month. Oh, and a few hotel visits when she should have been working too for good measure.

One final note on how charges work: they aren't all instant. In many cases, the charge can take a few days to report, which can lead to reporting on a different day. But you're in luck! The transactions almost always have the actual day and time hidden as an ID within the charge. So while the hotel visit may appear as taking place on 1/1 the true date is the ID 122920211900 would be Dec 29th, 2021 at 7pm. The more you know.

Snooping on iPhone

Phone

In the phone app, you can look up recent calls, missed calls, and voicemails. All of these can be deleted. Calls are unrecoverable when deleted, while voicemails will be in the deleted folder. Checking this folder may prove fruitful.

With contacts, the device will share when the last call was. This might come in handy. It will also share the exact details of the contact, just in case, MOM is actually BOB.

Voicemails can be exported to other programs. Or if in a pinch, you can play them on speaker and video record it. No need to worry about exporting or transferring files this way.

One odd behavior about iPhones is that calls that use cellular networks show up on your bill. But calls that use Facetime do not. So, a cheater may figure this out and primarily use Facetime to get around their sneaky behavior. If you have access to your spouse's phone you can turn off Facetime by visiting this guide, which will force all calls to be through the network and properly logged.

But don't forget to look at your cell phone carrier's call history. This often features some useful data that you may not consider. Who called whom. And where the person calling and receiving the call was located.

In my wife's case, I learned that the voicemail with some woman moaning my wife's name just so happened to originate from our town! Or that when she promises not to call her female lovers further, she lasted a record 24 hours. Call records are your friends and a cheating spouse can't edit them on the carrier end. Muahaha.

Be sure to check out the "Deleted iPhone Content" section as well. There are ways to recover lost call history.

It should be noted that there are hundreds of secondary phone apps that could be used, as well as social media. Be sure to look into these as potential options.

Messages

Looking through a phone for evidence is likely the most common way to find hidden information. One can search through all messages by scrolling up at the main screen or within a conversation with a specific person.

The downside to Messages is that there is no way to tell if messages have been deleted from a quick glance. The deleted information is not stored on iCloud. But it is often recoverable using outside software, which is discussed in the 'Deleted iPhone Content' section.

Photos

Photos is another place you may find helpful data.

I have some good news: each photo taken contains much more data than you might expect. Inside is the exact time, the GPS location, and even a small movie with audio (<2 seconds) of that event. These movies are known as Live Photos, but are just tiny videos with a fancy name.

Live Photos can be seen in Photos app by holding a photo. They will have a concentric ring design in the corner. Without this it isn't a live photo, just a normal one. Within you can export this as a movie, export the live photo to another device or duplicate without the live photo bits. Mostly, Photos doesn't let you do much with Live Photos.

If you really want to look through these you'll need another app. More info below:
iOS
Windows 10
OS X

In my case, I was able to use this data to find my wife visiting people's homes when she said she was at work. I was able to use the Live Photos to determine that my wife had inappropriate contact with another woman while in public, hearing their conversation in audio.

Did you know that you can hide photos in Photos so they don't display in the normal view? More information here. This feature is used by cheaters to sync all of their private pics and videos, as the less sneaky among us are unaware.

Safari History

Checking browser history is one way to quickly see what someone is thinking. All history items can be wiped individually or within a time period, so this is only helpful if a spouse is truly unaware of your investigation or highly arrogant.

These histories can be shared across icloud or device dependent based on the settings they choose. This means that each device has a chance to hold unique information.

Find My (aka Find My iPhone)

When you set-up a new device you can choose to activate Find My, a powerful feature that allows you to see where your devices are or share your location with family.

A spouse may set up permissions when they purchase a new device to provide access to you or others while being faithful, but accidentally keep these permissions as they begin to cheat. Most people forget this feature is on and it can be used to locate your partner in real-time. Screenshots are your friend.

While helpful, it does have a few challenges. The GPS location is accurate to down to 100 feet, which in crowded areas can be quite large. The view also real-time, give or take 30 seconds, which can be challenging for those of us who don't want to be glued to our screens.

Search

By default, iOS will display content from all apps and the web on a search. This is especially helpful if you have a name or keyword you're looking for. But for experienced cheaters, they can hide what is displayed here so the app itself or the app's contents never display. If nothing is found here, the next best step is looking in Settings.

Settings

This may not seem like a worthwhile place to explore at first. But with iOS allowing you to delete an app from your view and yet stay on the device, while also allowing a user to block which apps can be searched, this is the best place to quickly see what apps are actually on the device.

Below the top section are the individual apps installed but may be hidden on the main home screens.

Did you know that you can hide apps that you've purchased on the App Store? More info here. They will show up in settings under Hidden Apps. This takes effort and if someone is going to this extreme they are working overtime in covering their tracks.

Deleted iPhone Content

Most people might assume that deleted content on a device is gone for good. This isn't true. Devices are sort if lazy and instead of deleting all information they simply tell the system that this information is gone and can be used. If you are able to use a recovery app in advance of significant usage you will likely be able to recover deleted content.

If you're on OS X I would recommend the apps below. They cost money, but it is worthwhile.
iMyFone D-Back
Dr Fone

In my case, I was able to uncover nearly 1,000 text messages my wife sent her lovers and some quite awful videos. These ranged from flirting, kissing the phone, to arranging private "adult time" sessions. It was through this approach that I could see clearly that this was more than lust driving her actions, but she was madly in love.

Unlocking Locked iPhones or Apple Accounts

There are many services that promise to unlock iPhones, iPads, or Apple accounts with a fee. These are all fake. You will pay and they will say you need to wait a specific amount of time, which just so happens to mirror the time your payment can no longer be returned from your bank. Avoid.

While there are machines that can unlock iPhones with weak passwords, unless you are a well-funded police department or above you will not have access to them.

Snooping on Android

How to tell if an Android Phone is rooted – tips courtesy of Hawklover
When an Android phone is rooted some of the security protocols are overridden. Some vault applications require androids to be rooted or require a "jailbreak" on an iphone. These vault apps are disguised apps that are used to store other apps, photos, communications, etc.

For an Android you can go to setting>Device>status. if the status is "official" it is not rooted, if status is "custom" it is rooted.

Google Play – tips courtesy of Hawklover
To find out if any suspicious apps are being used by your partner open the google play app>hamburger menu>My apps and games> choose installed or library to see which apps have been downloaded. Some vault apps are third party though and not in the play store.

Google Photos – tips courtesy of Hawklover
This is an app that some people forget to clean out. It sits in the background and uploads photos to a google account. If the photo is uploaded before it is deleted off the phone it may still be in google photos.

Google Drive – tips courtesy of Hawklover
Each gmail account will have its own google drive where photos can be stored. If you can open their gmail, you can open their google drive.

Google Account – tips courtesy of Hawklover
When gmail account is open, click on their photo icon in top right corner and click "manage my google account. In the manage my google account, there is a tab called data & personalization. You can turn on activity controls so you can view their web & app activity, location history and you tube history.

Chrome Passwords – tips courtesy of Hawklover
I was able to access a list of all saved passwords in chrome by clicking the password entry bar at the facebook login page. An option pops up to manage passwords. It takes you to a list of accounts for which passwords are saved.  If you know the device password you can see the passwords for each account by clicking the eye icon to the right..

Facebook – tips courtesy of Hawklover
If you can login to the facebook account, click the hamburger menu at top right, go to settings, scroll down and click on activity log. You can see complete history of everything they do there and filter it by topic.
When in Facebook you can also open their facebook messenger.


Snooping on OS X

Safari
See the "Safari History" section above.

Dropbox
Dropbox is a seamless way to sync files. It is also an easy way to store precious information, like hidden affairs. Check it. Search it. Embrace the cloud.

Time Machine
If you've ever had a computer die on you, you know how wonderful Time Machine can be. For spouses of cheaters, Time Machine is likely even better. A Time Machine instance that is used sparingly is a nearly endless amount of information to paw through, often without much resistance.

While there are multiple ways to approach this, the most recommended is to boot your computer up from a Time Machine backup. Full instructions can be found here. This will allow you to interact with the computer's files as if it was your spouse's.

All of the same techniques in the "Snooping on OS X" section apply. You can look through their files, photos, and safari history. But you cannot recover deleted files using outside software.

One note is that you will want to turn off your internet if at all possible as soon as you boot. This will help make sure the system doesn't alert other internet services, but also that the data stays a proper snapshot in time.

In my case, I recovered a Time Machine instance from 12 years ago, finding my wife on a dating site, having hotel visits with men, and searching the internet "Why don't I like sex?", while searching for female porn constantly. Turns out she was a lesbian (spoiler!).

Snooping on Windows

I'm not a Windows user, so if anyone has any good tips please share and I'll toss them here.

Snooping on Web Apps

Google History

Most people may be aware that Google collects almost everything about them. But what might surprise them is that this data can then be explored in a publicly viewable way in seconds. Additionally, this data can be exported so that you can review it in an app like Excel or Google Sheets.

What sort of data? Searches, visits, search locations, map searches, and even a rough GPS indication of their movement. See more here.

As an example, when I disclosed to my wife that I was aware of her activity with women she flatly denied it. The Google History shows she then went over to her town for breakfast where they promptly searched for local hotels.

Google Maps

One other approach is to utilize maps. Maps is one area cheaters forget to clear, but will use to visit their affair partners.

To do so, visit this URL below to learn more.

In some cases this feature may be off by default. Or your spouse may have deactivated it. It takes about 20 seconds to reactivate which you can find about here. Follow the steps to deactivate history, but flip the switch on. This can be done in the app or online.

Google Maps tracks GPS data in a unique way. Instead of constantly sending your coordinates to Google, they limit what they send. As far as I can tell, they aren't actively using GPS, but instead plotting points every 20-30 minutes.

Why does this matter? Well, if your partner hops into a hotel for 15 minutes and runs out, there's a high chance this will not be indicated on the Map history. If you see a plot point then they were there for a long time.

In my case, my wife was so caring and went to the store to get me giant chocolate chip cookies. How kind! What she omitted was that she used this trip to stop off at an address on the way for 45 minutes afterward. She visited this often, according to Google Maps, never mentioning for some strange reason. Within 30 days of finding this, she'd use this same address to search directions to a local shady motel (when she should have been at work), during the middle of a global pandemic. This was my final straw and I served her divorce papers that week. Hooray for technology!

Amazon – Tips courtesy of LostAtSea

There may be online purchases that your spouse has hidden from you over the years. Luckily, Amazon makes it impossible to delete or hide past purchases. Your spouse may not know this, so doing a review here is a good idea.

You can find this online history under the Your Orders. This is the complete purchase history starting from the beginning of the account. You can also search if you are looking up a specific keyword or item.

If the account history looks incomplete or the orders don't go back as far as you are aware of them using Amazon, they likely have multiple accounts. As with any dishonest action, this is a warning sign that are using this hidden account for their secret deeds. If you share finances, compare the amazon purchases against the billing history to follow the trail.

Verizon – Tips courtesy of LostAtSea

If you and your spouse use Verizon for your cell phone provider, there is a chance you can read their text messages. If you sign in and look under your username there should be a feature that says "Text Online". This can allow you to view and send texts, though in my tests I was unable to view anything but that of the main account.

Note: If you have an Apple device it will default to using iMessage. This saves on text message costs, but skips around this Verizon feature. If you have access to your spouse's phone you can quickly turn off using iMessage by following this guide

Whitepages

Do you remember the giant phone books they used to drop off at your door? Well, that still happens, but it isn't a book, and you pay for it, and the data is spooky accurate. Isn't the future grand?

Whitepages.com is a subscription app that allows you to search by name, phone, physical address, or email address. With a low cost subscription it is easy to test out to uncover who your spouse is contacting.

There are many disadvantages though to keep in mind. If a number is new or used sparingly, odds are it may not be associated with anyone. Additionally, many apps generate phone numbers (like Burner app) which allow you to create a random phone line on the fly. If your spouse is aware they can get around the issue and throw away phone numbers for a low cost. Whitepages is still recommended for most cheaters who aren't so tech-savvy.

Don't buy the extra super duper background check on someone unless you want to see their parking ticket history. It is neat, but not worth $50. If you want to see their other criminal history though, then it is a wise investment.

In my wife's case, she said she never went over to a man's house when we were first married. It became a sticking point she repeated often. When I looked at her Time Machine drives from back then, I found her searching directions to a house and directions back from the house in her web history. Using whitepages.com, I was able to determine that this was indeed this man's house at the time. And because of Whitepages I could see she visited him on his birthday. *SIGH*

BlockShopper

BlockShopper.com does one thing: it tells you who bought a house. If you find an address that WhitePages is simply stumped by or that Google Maps is unable to find, look it up in BlockShopper.

The search interface on the app is awful, so the best bet is to search "blockshopper address info" on Google. Strangely, this works and will give great results for most queries.

Password Managers

Password managers collect all of your personal data in one spot. Tools like KeyPass or 1Password are designed to be secure enclaves of private info. They're uncrackable, right?

Nope.

If you have access to a local version of this data on your desktop computer or located in DropBox, iCloud, or Box, then odds are you can find more than you imagined. The details of which are wholly beyond this guide, but the best bet is to find the original files within the system. These are often stored in plaintext. While the passwords or usernames may be encrypted, almost all other data isn't. This means that date, time, website, and other stored values are open to read. It's crazy!

In my case, I was able to find saved accounts to a food delivery service for hotels which happened while my wife was meant to be at work. I don't know the password, but I know everything else which is much more interesting.

On another password manager, I was able to find passwords in unencrypted form (YIKES!). She was using the birthday of her lover as the password. Yayyyyyyy.

Recovering Deleted Files and Backups

This is an entire topic unto itself, but I'll simply share a few resources that might come in handy:
Windows 10
OS X

And I can't recommend Disk Drill enough. It makes recovering files from any OS very easy, walking through the steps as clearly as possible:
Disk Drill OS X
Disk Drill Windows 10

Disk Drill can also be used on separate hard drives or USB drives to find deleted information. Since these have lower usage (less overwriting old data) of a computer, they often retain more files. Cheaters tend to store content on these separate drives as well since they can be used to transfer information. Might be worth checking!

Final Thoughts

When reading this you may feel conflicted.

Excited about the possibilities in finding your spouse's true actions. Scared at how much information we willingly give to others. Disgusted that an overview like this would ever be needed. Mad at me for going to these depths. Tired from reading this whole damn thing. Or some jumble of all of the above.

Good.

This topic is simply awful to read about. Imagine living it each day for decades, with a spouse tricking you the whole way.

If you've been here you understand that you would give anything for the truth. Everyone deserves this core decency from their partner.

I hope this information can allow you to better understand why your spouse's actions don't match their words. While this may feel unethical, it is unethical to lie, cheat, and gaslight your best "friend". This technology simply levels the playing field for those who have been caring, trusting humans.

Last edited by Upside (February 19, 2021 2:42 pm)

 

February 2, 2021 4:47 pm  #2


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Wow... I think it’s fantastic. I don’t personally feel a need to go to such lengths, but for those that do this is awesome. You should have been a private investigator (if you’re not already).  

 

February 2, 2021 4:52 pm  #3


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

I will come back to this


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 2, 2021 5:30 pm  #4


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

My goal with counseling is to get him to share his login info for all social media and unlock his phone for me. My concern moving forward is whether he continues the behavior or stops and opens up to me. I’ve already told him, one more online relationship or incident while traveling and I’m gone. My boundaries are clear...if he ever feels the need to be with a man he is to come to me so I can make a decision on what I want to do, which might result in divorce. I’ve thought that if his behavior is suspicious in the future I might have to hire a private detective. I have an iPhone and he has an Android. I would LOVE to have full access to everything he’s doing but I’m not familiar with android and I’m not technically savvy!!! I plan to watch our bank account like a hawk moving forward. He sent me screenshots of PayPal  and credit card accounts..I’m trying to figure out how to use his account numbers to access them!  I saw a screenshot of his phone that he accidentally took, I think he has a hidden  android email account. I love the tips but not sure they apply to android? I’ve got him on life 360 too but he has 2 phones and can only connect the app to his personal phone. I like this thread. Let’s be detectives!! In my opinion, once you e breeched the trust, you are to accept these new terms and conditions and understand the snooping until years of actions have earned the trust back.

- Epiphany

 

February 2, 2021 5:55 pm  #5


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Thanks TangledOil!

I hired a Private Investigator and fired them when I realized I could do so much better at 1/100th the cost. Once it was clear my wife's actions were malice, then it became a fun puzzle of wits. She covered her tracks well, but I needed to know for my little one's future. My wife is aware I know of her actions in general, but is clueless that I have 100% conclusive proof.

Hope it helps, Ellexoh_nz!

Epiphany wrote:

My goal with counseling is to get him to share his login info for all social media and unlock his phone for me.

Taking off my pretend PI hat, your husband is valuing his own privacy above your desire for the truth and closure? Personally, I think you should walk away just because of this. His lack of cooperation is an answer on its own.

Epiphany wrote:

My concern moving forward is whether he continues the behavior or stops and opens up to me. I’ve already told him, one more online relationship or incident while traveling and I’m gone.

This is your line. Tell your family and friends. Ask them to hold you to this if he strays. I set a line and broke it so many times. We want to believe they will change, but only actions matter.

I like your phrasing! Infidelity is a contract where the terms are violated. You get to decide what your new terms are now, and those terms are full disclosure. And I should note, all of the cheating books I've read say this too, so it is totally valid for the betrayed to require this.

The guide above is mainly for iOS and OS X, but I'd be happy to add in Android or Windows 10 details if someone is willing to add their findings.

You reminded me of a few other services that may be helpful in your case (Whitepages and BlockShopper). Guide updated.

Last edited by Upside (February 2, 2021 6:12 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

February 2, 2021 8:06 pm  #6


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

When companies/websites have joined the Forum and I see them I let admin know. It may take a couple of days but the link is usually deleted. No more advertising. You Upside have come with a story plus advertising and as genuine as it seems.....it's still advertising.

Did you run this by the site Admin to get their approval?

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 2, 2021 8:28 pm  #7


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Hey Ellexoh_nz - Links aren’t inherently advertising, but I’d respect the Admins if they don’t want to link out to resources. You’re right to suspect links as paid link building is annoyingly common. Happy to remove any/all if there is concern and leave the remainder. Please know that this isn’t a link building long con.

Last edited by Upside (February 2, 2021 8:29 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

February 2, 2021 9:20 pm  #8


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Upside wrote:

Hey Ellexoh_nz - Links aren’t inherently advertising, but I’d respect the Admins if they don’t want to link out to resources. You’re right to suspect links as paid link building is annoyingly common. Happy to remove any/all if there is concern and leave the remainder. Please know that this isn’t a link building long con.

 

It's seems just a thin line to step over between resource and advertising We're all 99.9999% anonymous & strangers to each other here and however you dress it up I don't want our site to become filled with clickbait advertising.

And yes....I think you should have contacted Admin before posting

Elle 
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 2, 2021 9:40 pm  #9


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Checked the links and they are all info sites, not ads. Ads disappear very quickly here. Lately I have been checking all new signups with some spammer spotting tools and hate to say 4 of 5 new members are really spam bots. "Upside" checked out.

Frankly I was a bit uncomfortable with that post. We don't reccommend you spy or snoop, but we don't shun those who do. Up to the individual. Also, local laws may vary, make sure you know what is legal and what isn't.

 

February 2, 2021 9:57 pm  #10


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Sam (Admin) wrote:

......."Upside" checked out.........

 
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

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