I think the term "ally" is politically charged, so I would not call myself an ally. I would prefer a term exist that encompassed the needs and concerns of all orientations at once, vis a vis the golden rule. If it is only considering the needs of certain "identities" of people, it is biased. I think my reason for not being an "ally" is quite similar to many people's (including other posts above) fundamental reason for being an ally. I don't like the sectioning off of groups of people in opposition to others (in this case, cis-gender). This is why extremism and stretching the boundaries of actions and thought have led to the absurd in many cases today. It also allows those who've been violent and abusive in extreme ways to be patted on the back rather than receive due justice. Balance considers all groups equally, and the LGBTQ+ movement very much goes against that. Basically, I think the term "ally" is poor because in my opinion it and the movement it supports oppose the golden rule and ensures violence/violent people can live and do freely under the radar. I align strongly with Anon2222's first response.

I haven't logged into this forum in over a year, but this exact topic was bugging me today. When will justice come? When will equality actually exist?

I still have a barrier in calling people trusted friends when they blindly support this movement without question or thought about the destruction of cis-gender people's lives, or thought about angles of viewing such situations apart from the marketed message. Because of this, I distanced myself from a lot of people in my life years ago.

It's also a shame there's a clear ban on funding much of anything that truly acknowledges the straight partner's lived experience. That is probably a large reason there's blind support of the movement and animosity when people say they have qualifications about it. A good part is ignorance-- assuming people actually generally would support the golden rule. If they knew, they would

Canary2 wrote:

Strange shit would happen to this man ALL THE TIME....
Seems like a bottomless pit of lies.

Hahah, yikes. Sounds like you made the right decision.

I wonder where people like this can develop maintained satisfaction. If you start learning to cover up early, you can be good at lying, but if you're lying in every area of your life, it seems like you'd need to be at a running pace just to maintain. Where will it end for him? And what effect on the son? Could the son's introversion (or apparent introversion) be an effect/result of his father...? ("Half the activities he does with his kid"-- does his kid have a choice in these matters? It seems like the son might know....)
 

"I even started to miss my old life because what I thought was so perfect and real." You want to go back to the dream state-- where the laws of physics don't apply-- which is what Inception was. I like your simile.   Who wouldn't be tempted to return to beauty and perfection if given the chance, so long as it's real? The problem is that it was crafted to be perfect with lies and is a dangerous place. (I also remember the joy I felt for years when I was ignorant of reality.)

"This trauma feels like someone stole my dreams of a happy marriage and life." I agree. I think it changes one's outlook entirely. I still wonder if it's possible to rekindle those boundless dreams....?
If you haven't experienced it, you don't understand how reverberating an impact the deception has on others-- I wish more people recognized this.

I visited a PostSecret.org museum exhibit a few weeks ago, and these entries now remind me of it. Raw truth of things we don't feel we can voice publicly, but can share with certain others online. These snippets seem more artistic now.

I don't have a profound answer, Anon, but I just wanted to say I see your post and your view and experience matters. Your expressing it matters, even if it a limited circle sees it. We need more people to share their experiences so eventually, someday, the general public recognizes the depth of harm to the straight person.

I can empathize with several of the things you've said. Many times in the past 8-9 years I've felt total depression and great fear and suffocation from a culture I can't escape for heavily supporting someone (and others) who perpetrate acute harm, and for provide excuses for and idealization of those people. Those third-parties not seeing or being willing to speak about the wrongs of the individual or their own contribution to violence. In short, I think it's narcissistic and silly in general to believe "love wins" or that good has triumphed, regardless of one's orientation. It's a perpetuation of humans being what we have always been. (Possibly a psychological trick-- blindness and/or bias based in the ego.)

I've gotten to a point of severe depression and burnout at times, and a point of thinking people are bad (particularly related to the the idea that we are at an enlightened point in supporting individual minorities who've been blatantly cruel and selfish most of their lives). At this point, my conclusion is somewhat bland. I can relate to this:

"I miss the old me. I was naïve as hell....but that me had a passion for life and wanted to make the world a better place. I believed in true love. I believed I had a purpose in life. I had dreams, aspirations and plans. Now I just have an empty shell left that is listless, disillusioned".

Except I wouldn't say I was naïve-- I was intentionally and directly lied to, misled, and emotionally abused by someone who turned out to be irresponsible, completely disregarding of the people he made closest in his life, and selfish.

Perhaps you should give your

Anon2222 wrote:

I really struggle with all of this. I cannot see any physical anything between two men without having actual pain. It's a visceral reaction. It feels like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut at the same time. And it's flipping everywhere. It's always in my face.

I just feel like the LGBTQ thing is being shoved down my throat and I can't escape it. I just want a break I guess. And I'm just sick of it being some sort of pass to act however you want, do whatever you want, and heaven help you if you don't agree with something.

I feel similarly-- especially the concept that you must conform with everyone else's view on this or you are "hateful". I have passively smiled at everything the past few years hiding and suppressing what I think is rational, true and honest. (This is a must in how I conduct myself at work too given revised norms.)

I feel that straight people who refuse to ignore LGBTQ people's abuse-- which I've found to be most-- themselves are displaying a streak of violence. If they could acknowledge what a straight partner has endured, they could not with a conscience support the perpetrator of abuse. It seems to me that in this, people don't care about truth, but what conforms to accepted standards and is the easiest path to adopt. Sympathy should only be given if a person hasn't been violent to those around them-- someone who has not spent his/her/their life directly lying to others. I feel like our society simply props up and continues the suppression and abuse of straight partners-- I don't even think it is the abusive individuals themselves, but everyone who supports them, and that that amassed, suppressive view is at least as traumatizing as, and more inescapable than, what the former partner did.

Heartwarming coming out stories sometimes state that although family and friends previously didn't understand the person's suppression, but they "responded with love because they loved me". Yet family and friends, and the gener