Moonchild, I was in a similar situation.  My ex had ED from Day #1.  He couldn't perform without using Viagra and self-stimulation and sometimes not even then.  He said it was a lifelong condition that kept him from ever having a long-term relationship as women put him down for that.  I was the wonderful understanding wifey.  

At the end he admitted to being attracted to "some men" although he still claimed to be straight and is now openly dating women but secretly seeing men.  From what I've been told.  I don't want anything to do with him.  He ruined my life.  

It's been 5+ years that I discovered my husband of ten years (in his 60s at the time) was identifying and dressing up like a female.  Three + years since he admitted he had sexual feelings for "some men".  Three years since I left him and filed for a divorce. 

I would like to say that I am healed but the trauma still remains.  Certain news events are triggers.  Lea Thomas competing as a woman swimmer, the political turmoil about trans, and most recently the trans that Hershey candy bars picked to be one of their women spokespersons.  

I still have nightmares about him, on a regular basis.  In all the dreams, I have left him and he is trying to get me back and I am running as fast as I can to be free of him.  

I've created a completely new life for myself.  I moved two states away to get away from him, to a town where my daughter and granddaughter live.  I spend a lot of time with their little family.  I bought a condo.  I have a part time job and have made some friends.  

Sometimes I want to call him up and ask him - Why?  Why did you pretend to be a real man?  Why did you want so badly to marry me?  Why did you finally come out?  But, I don't want to talk to him.  And I know that if I did, he would turn everything around and put the blame on me.  He acted as the victim throughout our divorce process.  

There is other fall out from our disastrous relationship.  I left the marriage as fast as I could, got a quickie divorce during the worst of Covid.  He is a well-off business owner and I realize in hindsight that I should have asked for a financial settlement.  I'm comfortably okay, but I keep thinking that he owes me something.  Also, I know that I will never have another romantic relationship.  I'm in my late 60s now.  The few interesting men I meet always have significant others.  And then I think, even if they didn't, I would be too suspicious to trust them and it wouldn't work out anyways. 

As for him - I heard he was living

I read your story and it sounds like a lot of the stories I've read on this Forum since I found it in January of 2020.  The issue that still stings, for me, is the realization that he had gay/trans attractions and desires all his life and married me without telling me.  A person who knew him for 40 years told me "I'm not surprised".  And there were all the little signs along the way that didn't add up because I wasn't looking for them but now they haunt me every day even though I divorced him and haven't seen him for over two years. 

Really, the only thing you can do, hard as it sounds, is to pick yourself up and stand on your own two feet - without him.  You don't need him and he sounds like a piece of crap.  He deceived you for years and won back your trust only to smash it to bits.  Bi now, gay later. 

He doesn't deserve you. 

 

Hi Ag!03,
I'm in the same situation as you are.  I took off my rings when we separated.  I loved them and was so proud of them.  Now I don't know what to do with them. 

The good news - they are considered yours to keep and you don't have to consult with him.  I think my ex was considering asking for my diamond back - after 10 years I found the receipt for it on his bureau.  I never would have returned it no matter what.  

The bad news - in all likelihood, you are not going to get much money for them.  A couple of months ago, I brought my set around to a couple of jewelers and dealers who buy jewelry.  My diamond was a half-carat platinum ring that cost $3,500.  My wedding band was also platinum and cost $2,500.  The highest offer I got was $800 FOR BOTH OF THEM!  I was told "there is no market for used wedding jewelry".  They apparently remove the diamond and melt down the metal.  Ironically, platinum is worth less than gold now.  One jeweler told me "your engagement ring is nothing special" (Ouch!)  

Maybe your rings will be worth more but prepare to be disappointed.  You could also try selling them on your own.  I'm eventually going to try the website "I do now I don't".  But not now, still feeling sad about re-homing the rings.  Like you, though, I feel bad seeing them sitting in a box in a drawer.  My kids don't want them and I certainly don't want to wear them anymore. 

Good luck! 

I rarely post anymore, thinking that perhaps my multi-year trauma (ex-husband gay in denial and trans identifying) was subsiding, two and a half years after I left him.  Pride Month is re-triggering me.  

It's everywhere. I go to Kohl's and there are Pride T-Shirts.  Pride support commercials on tv.  Pride parades.  Even Pride hikes.  

Today I had a major trigger.  News article about an interview with Lynda Carter in which she declares that Wonder Woman is a queer icon.  It was timed to coincide with Pride Month.  This particularly triggered me because my ex was a huge Wonder Woman fan.  He saw the movie multiple times and said it was his favorite movie of all time.  
https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/story/2022-06-02/lynda-carter-wonder-woman-pride-month-tweet

Is anyone else feeling Pride triggers?