OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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1 | General Discussion » Custody issues » June 5, 2023 9:32 pm |
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Sorry you're facing this, Hailyourself.
Your attorney likely already advised you of this, but most of what your partner is telling you is incorrect.
The business is marital property under PA law, so you own half of it and any assets. I believe they are aware of this, as the aim of taking a line of credit appears to be to reduce the equity. This will be seen through easily by a judge and they'll have to pay you half of this loan as well. It's a pretty terrible move.
Being a primary caregiver means he'll owe you alimony for the years ahead. If I were you I would document the time he spends at work. While PA is 50/50 custody state, showing that he's not around today may be valuable to indicate this wouldn't be possible for them.
Starting the divorce process will freeze the games. People will be watched financially, which will be beneficial to you.
I'm three and a half years post-discovery. The divorce was finalized last year. It's a slow, winding road with kids and a business. Only now do I feel on my feet, no longer exploring wonderland. My only advice would be that you didn't choose this path, but you can take a step each day to find the life you deserve. Step by step, you'll get there.
| General Discussion » admins censoring content » June 5, 2023 9:14 pm |
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I work in tech.
These banners are just images, which have no search engine readable text or alt tags. If they were changed they would have no impact on ranking. Keywords do nothing. Title tags would, but aren't focused here.
Much more important is the URL, which remains straightspouse.boardhost.com. The main page also has readable, clear, and on page, keyword-friendly, repeated text that would help people and index well. This is the best of all worlds. The people who know "straight spouse" can find this space via search. Those that are looking can find us by the new name or links.
I have shared the main site and this forum hundreds of times online. The number of times that people thought Straight Spouse Network was an anti-LBGT+ group was high. The number they have thought of OurPath: zero. It's simply smart branding that allows these resources to exist.
And I doubt OurPath cares about forum user growth. They have prioritized helping people in crisis, with resources like 1-on-1 support, in person meetings, or virtual ones. Or donating, because that helps pay people something for selflessly helping.
| General Discussion » Why did my closeted ex wife have kids with me? » June 5, 2023 8:46 pm |
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Well said, MJM017.
It sure sounds like our ex's were alike: everyday parasites that feed on deceit. I wake up each day feeling lucky that I survived.
| General Discussion » New member-Peter » June 5, 2023 8:32 pm |
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Very sorry that you're facing this Peter, but you sound to be doing quite well.
"In the end, I love her and can’t be mad at her..."
Years of therapy have helped me understand that being mad about awful news is not just okay, it's a sign of being emotionally healthy. You may not be there yet, or you may never need to go there, but I've found men who have closeted partners tend to be quite passive. I know that I was! It is okay to be mad at the situation, at fate, at your partner, whomever, because that is how you'll begin to advocate for your needs.
I think distance does help clarify things. Hopeful that you keep doing well on your path.
| General Discussion » Why did my closeted ex wife have kids with me? » May 14, 2023 12:12 pm |
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As someone together for 20+ years with kids, now post-divorce, here's where I have landed:
* Kids - I was used to make a child.
* Finances - I was used to provide.
* Support - I was used to do labor, chores, and on rare occasions, emotional support.
* Comfort - I was used to be an anchor to the past and stable adult holding up her reality.
My ex had multiple cluster B personality disorders, allowing her to have affairs for 15+ years without remorse. She was someone different to whoever was in the room. She enjoyed the deceit.
While I may logically understand the disorders at play, I will never emotionally understand. Some things are unforgivable.
| General Discussion » Some positive thoughts » May 14, 2023 12:03 pm |
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Thanks for sharing your journey. Sometimes it's the little bright spots that make days beautiful. I found journaling especially helpful as I processed this news.
On the snooping, I couldn't stop until I had firm evidence. The snooping hurt, but it also was freeing. Someone telling me they had sex with my wife was the nail in the coffin on the lies.
Wishing you strength on the road ahead.
| General Discussion » Question about lawyers fees » May 14, 2023 11:50 am |
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Been absent, but proud of you for making this leap Elle.
The total end cost was over $70k on my side.
| General Discussion » Do I leave it alone? » October 24, 2022 3:01 pm |
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Sorry to hear about your situation, Deceivedandsad.
If it were me: yes, I would tell the wife. Sending an anonymous email or message can give her the full information she needs to make a proper decision, which is potentially putting her health at risk.
| General Discussion » Commiseration, and questions about how to healthily process anger. » October 24, 2022 2:55 pm |
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Welcome to the club no one wants to be in, Lost_thought_space.
Three years ago I found out my wife of 20+ years was having affairs with men and women. It's been a journey across 1,000 days.
The one piece of advice I'd wished I'd learned earlier is that the anger, sadness, and disbelief never fully go away. Or at least for me they haven't, even though I've tried my damndest. I'm beginning to accept they may never go away, as this person was a massive part of my life and so it's only fitting this moment of loss leaves a scar.
That said, you're doing the right thing in focusing on what you can control. Enjoy therapy. Talk with friends. Meet new ones. Frame this as an opportunity to try life over, fresh.
Time does help create familiarity though. It makes the waves smaller and less devastating. What may have once stumbled me for a week is now a fleeting observation. Then on other days it is back in full force again. But accepting that this grieving process isn't in our control and being kind to yourself, whatever your experience is can help. We heal at our own pace.
Wishing you happiness on the road ahead.
| General Discussion » How to get to a better place? » April 21, 2022 1:08 pm |
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LostAtSea wrote:All of this is so hard. When do you ever stop asking yourself WHY this happened? WHY did God send me someone to betray and hurt me in the worst way? I keep asking WHY , but I never get closer to the answer.
The icing on top of all of this, I received the church annulment paper work and “it” lied! How did you keep continuing to lie blows my mind!!??! The church overruled it and said “FRAUD”. Why do I even have to respond to this is beyond me.The 'why' may take time to come into focus. It may only be seen years out.
Personally, while I was once religious, I'm now agnostic. It is hard to see the meaning in this cruelty, disease, or needless wars.
After twenty years I finally saw that my GX was a compulsive liar. Each lie reopened old wounds, preventing them from healing. What helped was to anticipate her lies in advance. To accept and even plan for this deception. This allowed me to proactively counter them. It changed a passive act of being lied to into an active one of me being prepared for her manipulation. It may be worth trying.