OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- Deceivedandsad
- Member
Offline
Do I leave it alone?
Hey all…
Long time no chat.
Not much changed on my end. Still here.
Focused on family and work- trying not to think about the fact that I haven’t had sex with my GIDH for 2 years
(Well, not sure if the last time counts… if it doesn’t, then it’s been well over 30 months).
I was poking around a website I probably shouldn’t have been, and I found something I am not sure what to do with…
A local guy (who I don’t really know personally) has a profile up, picture and all. Advertising his ability to “host” random encounters.
The kicker- he just got married in September.
I don’t know his wife. But should I tell her??
- Upside
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
Sorry to hear about your situation, Deceivedandsad.
If it were me: yes, I would tell the wife. Sending an anonymous email or message can give her the full information she needs to make a proper decision, which is potentially putting her health at risk.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
Deceivedandsad wrote:
.....
I don’t know his wife. But should I tell her??
Would you have wanted somebody to have told you?
Would you have wanted to be warned?
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
This is why the straightspouse is, for the most part.... still hidden away. Because we're all too fucking apprehensive of rocking somebody's carefully hidden/omg! what will people say!/steady as she goes as long as nobody knows boat.
We... almost to a man and woman.. want recognition, to be believed but nobody wants to be the first to step out into the light
$#!&?!!!!
KIA KAHA
- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
Excuse me, Elle, but plenty of us have stepped out of the shadow of the closet and into the light of day.
I was open about the reason my marriage was a dud. I lost a lot of friends in the process - socially speaking, Closet Lesbians Rule The World.
So I learnt to be more private for my own sake. And I was grateful the nice straight woman my ex had lined up to replace me had more sense than to accommodate him because if she hadn't, if she did go with him then she wasn't going to be able to believe anything I could have said to her. Best bet I think is if you can talk to a trusted friend of theirs.
What I have, what I got from leaving my marriage behind, is myself. And bottom line, that is what I needed. My experience of staying in the marriage once I had gone independent and emotionally defended myself from him to the best of my ability was same house was too close. Staying married was too close. I feel like I got out by the skin of my teeth - you know the scene, where at the last moment the hero rolls out from underneath the rapidly descending door of the trap - that's how I feel!
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
Excuse me, Elle, but plenty of us have stepped out of the shadow of the closet and into the light of day.,...
I meant no disrespect to those who have been strong enough to leave the shadows.
KIA KAHA
- lily
- Member
Offline
Re: Do I leave it alone?
no problem, Elle. You are right that the straight spouses do not speak out but the hard fact is there are closets all over the place and I find I am spending more time working out how to get along with closet lesbians than telling them how how painful marriage to a gay is for the straight.
It sucks. It sucks big time. To witness the pain up close and not be able to address it - it affects all the family. It's this horrible spreading stain of emotional pain. Just stepping out from the shadows oneself is a big deal - helps everyone next to you just in itself - there you are!