LostAtSea,

I used to call her on the forum here my lezex and now use the forum's GX.  I recall getting some comments about the derogatory name.   But your name for him is what you feel it should be.  My scientific mind finds your "it" to be accurate.   I recall seeing an email at work where the person listed the pronouns they want used of them.  I was not offended but triggered as to what my GX wanted for her pronouns...obviously she/her but those words didn't mean what to me what the rest of world thought they mean.

I lost many couple friends that were hers in the divorce.   I was not so  much ashamed or embarrassed as much as fearful if she was in contact with them then my associating with them is a from of contact with her..  NO CONTACT is a prudent rule to stick to.   Your reaching out is very good..but be wary if they are still in contact with him..its a sad fact but you need to surround yourself with friends that are loyal to you.  If they think he is great I don't think any convincing will be 100%...  those people are not bad people..but like you said..they will have to choose.  It's a form of him hurting you if those people have any loyalty to him..at most they can only be casual friends then.

Don't even get me started on my church and annulments..  you should only have to go through the divorce and trauma once.  The churches annulment process doesn't not care for us and our hurt.

It may be you need to be the "lone wolf" for some time as you form a more safe and loyal support system.   It does not have to be forever and every new contact you make may get you to a better place.


Wishing you strength and fortitude.

Last edited by Rob (April 19, 2022 7:19 pm)

I appreciate the advice and support.

I have not decided if I want to further engage with the wives. They personally do not speak to “it” and lives out of state. This has been my saving grace on not seeing “it” and surviving this trauma.

I have been questioning myself why I want to reach out to them. It’s it because I feel they are true friends, do I want everyone to know the trauma I have been through, or will they look at “it” in disgust and relay the information back to their husbands so it gets back to “it”. “It” said it will stand by its actions and has nothing to hide. Well then I guess it doesn’t mind when I do speak my truth and reveal the details and disgusting messages and photos right?

The wives said they support me and will be available anytime I want to talk but I was the one who choose to walk away and “hide”.

In time I hope this anxiety, trauma and hurt would just die. I envision “he” is dead because “he” is but the thought of all of this continuously haunts me!

I waver back and forth going online to meet new ppl for friendship or companionship. This is how I met “it” and the thought of someone to hide themselves with secrets petrifies me. I have no secrets because I haven’t done terrible things to have any. Now this is my worst secret. I despise “it” for this.

I am giving myself grace and trying to “live”. I heard a quote the other day.... Give yourself time but don’t waste your time. This is what I have been telling myself. I don’t want to waste anymore time or tears that I can’t have back.

It’s a struggle.

LostatSea - it sounds to me like you might be feeling that they want the gossip more than anything.  Maybe you could stick to talking with the friend that you have already confided in and see how it goes.  It does feel good to tell people where you can.

I think it is wise to be scared of being snowed again, there are a lot of gay in denial people looking for straight partners and when you are the sort of person that is friendly to gay people you are just the sort of person they are looking for.