Munchkin, Most of us thought we were alone going through the mind boggling experience, until we tried searching for answers and landed on Our Path formerly Straight Spouse Network.  It is the only place that is supportive where people that have walked in your shoes understand.  
A lot of us have had ‘gut’ feelings something was off and/or noted changes of behavior. Some of us had to resort to checking phone records etc when all we received from our spouse was denial.  Some of us haven’t had proof.
I also tried to support him during his sexuality confusion.  How long did I stay?  Too long.  We had a house together, I bought him out.  I did the No Contact. Until he weaseled his way, by crocodile tears, remorse and desperately wanting to be ‘just friends’ due to history etc.  Eventually he manipulated his way into more than just friends and slowly the emotional abuse, gaslighting, drama and defensiveness started again.  All while he acted like a crazed teen on HRT and became a “woman”, self obsessed and self absorbed. Still secret life like being on a dating site.  Enough of the crazy train.

For years it went from lack of sex, having difficulties maintaining an erection, to no sex.  Then when I wanted to leave the relationship, he could perform and wanted sex often.  Of course it happened with new techniques-like introducing the anal toy (for him), role play of him fantasizing that he was a woman/wearing lingerie and lacy bras during the act, etc and an Rx for Viagra. It was like a honeymoon period.  It didn’t last long.  He was on a mission to find a partner that best suited his sexuality.

John, I read your story and felt your pain, like many of us partners/spouses that have been gaslit, lied, betrayed and emotionally or physically cheated on.  It seems like they are on a fast running train with no turning back to us.  It hurts like hell when they are emotionally detached from us, not wanting sexual relations with us, oblivious to our presence while they are nonstop texting. It’s down right disrespectful to a supposedly committed relationship.  Only when push comes to shove or with evidence, they will only admit what you know.  Saying they will never cheat, want to stay in our relationship, you are the most important person in the world is ludicrous while their emotional behaviors continue towards someone else. Mine wanted to live as roommates too, although we did not have kids.  I was the beard, and economically paid half of all expenses and mortgage.  It also is baloney to stay together 'because we have history and have gone through ups and downs."  They sometimes want to change the rules about monogamy, to see if it will be acceptable to you.  Whats with that!  We are kind and trusting by nature, would never do this to our partners..therefore we tend to believe their BS and thinking we can save the relationship.  Most of us here have walked in your shoes..  while some people may have saved their marriage or may have lived as roommates, or opened up their marriage....I think it is rare.  The most important thing to say to yourself is..what do I want.  
Doesn’t matter what the sexual label is, gay, bi, trans etc..if you aren’t the most important person to them, what’s in it for you.  I’ve been through this cluster f.@k and had confusion, stress, as well as anger, depression and anxiety.  **Taken Care of yourself the best you can.  **You are taking the right steps to post here, counseling for yourself. ** Try to eat well, sleep and rest. **Read the First Aid kit on this site.  * Don’t isolate yourself, although at the begi

Mel, Question- did your husband attend counseling for his obsession with wearing women’s clothing, after you pushed him?   Does he also watch porn or engage in porn?  Does he have sex toys just for his own sexual gratification.  How is your sex life and intimacy?  These are some behaviors to be aware of.
Kinda odd that he did not seek counseling to figure out what his sexuality must be.

I did not have any success with my ex partner that was a poster person for AGP.  I also found his appearance not attractive at all.  I have numerous posts here of my experience, especially when it came to the bedroom and don’t want to rehash it.  I detested his behavior, the way he dressed, the loss of muscle tone etc.  For claiming to be a MTF femme, he sure had that male sense of entitlement and misogyny towards me.  Mine also changed his status like the wind blows and I think to fit his needs, and I think at the beginning so that I wouldn’t leave him.  Like he assumed the femme role behind closed doors at the beginning and wore male clothes at the time that he worked as a handyman.  Then started gradually in public with multiple hooped earrings and painted his fingernails a dark color.  Then he got out of his closet and morphed into brightly colored fingernails and toenails and dazzling earrings.  He was testing the water for acceptance in public.  He was an oddity in our liberal town but accepted.  From then he did  transition on HRT.  Hell or high water..he was on the journey. And has a women’s persona now. What helped was that he was retired.

i listened to the podcast from Dr Blanchard on AGP that is on Our Path.  It was informative.  I agree when he said that there is a push from the LGBTQ community to normalize this behavior.  Anne Lawrence wrote about AGP and she is trans.  AGP in the Diagnostic Manual is a mental disorder, to an extent when they fantasize being a woman and obtain the sexual thrill that they are a woman with dressing.  Appare

[b]Anon 2222,  I am thinking about you and your upcoming mediation, what you are going through now and your concerns about during the mediation itself.  If he is controlling and already not treating you fairly, I don’t think mediation will work. 
Signing papers in a separate room is okay.  I did it.  I didn’t care if he had any ideas about it.  I cared about myself.  It wasn’t a mediation.  It wasn’t a divorce either, as in our state, we don’t have common law marriage.  Simple, you would think, maybe with a normal person when all it was is a house, and house account. 
I had my own lawyer that dealt with real estate.  It irked him, as he couldn’t call the shots, and getting a lawyer cost him money.  You see, my ex from the beginning tried to screw me over.  Said the house was his period!  Then he tried to coerce me several times to sign his hand written document with his set price of the house.  No, he’s not qualified for that.  I demanded an appraisal as local home prices rose quite a bit that summer.  I had my belongings in boxes.   I locked my bedroom door at night.  To his dismay I had the appraisal and the house was worth $36,000 more than his set price.  Then, he stated that he didn’t want the house.  Therefore, I suppose he thought he won because he gained a nice chunk of money from me buying him out.  Actually I won because I didn’t have to contend with him anymore.
Separate rooms as my emotions were labile and looking at him and his facial expressions would be triggering, let alone his presence. I didn’t want to end up being a blubbering mess, he would have had satisfaction. I didn’t want to face him before, during or after.
Annon 2222, It’s okay with separate rooms.  Don’t expect a bully to be fair, let alone care about you.
Expect emotions afterward from the final release of the stress you’ve endured.  Stay strong.  And NO CONTACT.  As Chump Lady says, “trust that he sucks.  And don’t try to untang