Help wrote:

.... Anyone else going through this ?

 

Been there, done that, am out the other side. I went through years....fucking years....of confusion, sadness, uncertainty. All the while thinking I had the best r'ship, the best partner in the world. 

Then I decided to put myself first. When a man wants to explore same sex r'ships he's not straight, which means he has the ability to separate the person he is from the man he wants to be (and fuck). I mean...look how many years he's hidden it from you already!
So it doesn't matter what he is, it matters what you want him to be.

Keep posting, reading, asking questions. This is the very best soft place for you to fall, we'll catch you.

Elle
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (April 16, 2024 2:34 pm)

Hi Help,

yes it happens a lot.  Both ways - there are a lot of straight husbands with lesbian wives too.  

I used to think why don't they marry each other - why doesn't the gay in denial marry the lesbian in denial and it does happen but not as often.

There's a basic power imbalance between the straight who fancies their partner and the in denial who doesn't fancy their partner.  This is attractive to people who like to manipulate their partner to get their own way.

So we get this common scenario, I am one too, who believed we have a wonderful partner but actually are having our own needs neglected.  We look after our partner and our partner is looking after himself.  No one to look after you.  It is hard to get away from them because as soon as you squirm it's all charm and sweetness and it lulls you back into a false sense of security.

of course he doesn't want the marriage to end, he's getting what he wants out of it.