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General Discussion » Day Four » March 11, 2019 2:44 pm

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Replies: 17

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I am not sure about your exact situation, Drewch, but I would be very skeptical that her time spent going out with her bisexual friend has never lead to anything that would be unacceptable to you. Every situation is different, but the majority of the time, the gay spouse has already acted on their same sex attraction by the time they are compelled to tell the straight spouse. I'm not sure what you should do with that information. You can choose to trust your spouse, you can try to prove or disprove things, you can set clear boundaries, but the sad reality that many of us come to realize is you cannot control the outcome of things. If she wants to go out, there is little you can do to stop her, and if she wants to act on her SSA, she will.

I hope things work out better for you than for many of us. Genuinely praying for you and your family.

Strategies for MOM's » Me, him and the elephant in the room » March 11, 2019 1:57 pm

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Ah, my mistake for not noticing the dates.
I do like the new avatar.

Best of luck to you on the MOM. As much as the numbers seem to be against MOMs working out successful, my wife and I are trying to go that direction. Although for us, it is not a very linear progression, many times we've made progress only to then take steps backwards.

Is He/She Gay » Can't tell if she's gay, or just gay "for now". » March 11, 2019 1:54 pm

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I understand the struggle. I would suggest trying to live life as if you are putting her in the rear view and seeing what you can do to be happy without her. If she comes to win you back, you can decide then if you want to give her that chance.

I believe a lot of us straight husbands do ourselves a massive disservice by being too understanding and nice to our gay wives/exes. I definitely lump myself into that category but I am trying to improve in that area.

General Discussion » Day Four » March 11, 2019 1:44 pm

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Drewch, I hope you are having good moments scattered in as often as possible during this nightmare. I hope you're able to check in frequently and update us.

 

Support » Upside Down » March 11, 2019 1:11 pm

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TKU, take care of yourself my friend. I do not have much advice other than you should make a priority of taking care of yourself, and I hope you are able to find someone you can speak with face to face about things. It helps very much to have a friend or family member to listen to you and offer feedback.

Is He/She Gay » Is she or isn't she? » March 9, 2019 11:42 am

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Lilly's closing statement makes me think about something I've seen stated in numerous ways on this forum. Maybe the main thing to focus on isn't really if she is or isn't gay. Maybe the more important question is: Is this relationship unacceptable to you?

I am sorry for the situation you are in Davin. I hope you make progress towards a better and more fulfilling life.

 

Support » Giving Ultimatums: Are they a waste? » February 9, 2019 1:33 pm

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Lilly, we are trying to live amicably right now as there are multiple family events and vacations already planned and paid for. I just want peace and it is not looking like I'm going to get it as long as we are still together.

General Discussion » Lost and Scared » February 6, 2019 2:06 pm

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I hope things are going okay for you LastOne. If your journey is anything like mine, you'll hear a ton of things from your wife that do not really stand up to logic and common sense. I'm not sure how much of their twisted logic and motivations they actually believe, or if they just want to come up with excuses to make themselves look like the victim in this situation.

Is He/She Gay » What does “A little Bisexual even mean”? » February 6, 2019 2:00 pm

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if someone were completely honest in diagnosing themselves "a little bisexual" then that would not be strong enough to cause them to even remotely consider destroying a long-term, successful relationship.

I think it would be logical to assume that someone who wants to have homosexual sex or relationships to the point where they are bringing it up to their straight spouse is someone who is feeling more certain than not that they want to do that.
We don't tell our spouses every little thought and impulse we have. For example, if I thought about putting tens of thousands of dollars down on roulette to see if I can make some quick $$$ at the risk of our family finances, would I tell my spouse? If I was never really serious about it, maybe I only had an impulsive thought in my brain that I would have only seriously considered doing 2 or 3 percent, but 97% of me knew I wouldn't do it, then I would not tell my spouse.  Maybe if felt 50% sure I was going to do it, then I would bring it up to my spouse because there's a real likelihood of it happening.
 

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