Consider this ... you took responsibility for your own actions. You told him what had happened and were sorry and worked through it through therapy. Your GH is NOT taking responsibility for his own actions. Instead he took the opportunity to walk away from therapy. You did not cause him to cheat, it was his choice for his own actions. Chances are he has been cheating all along. 

My adult children are also stunned and shocked by my STBXGH. They have quickly come to realize that it really isn't effecting them that much. They know that we are both still their parents and as such we are still here for all of them ... we will just be living separately.

As for having a marriage that represented what a lifelong commitment ... this has hit me the hardest. I now wonder how much of my GH's poor treatment of me for the last few years has translated to my sons ... that terrifies me. I hope my sons have enough integrity and kindness to treat their partners with more respect than I was treated. (I really didn't see how bad it was until I looked back with full knowledge of my situation.) You should also consider how you were being treated when you made your own mistake, perhaps you were realizing things just weren't right all along?

You did not make him do anything! Those are all his choices that he has to own. Do not allow him to deflect his own responsibility on you. My husband tried to do that and on every instance I could look and him squarely and state ... "that's not me, that is YOU."

Forgive yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself. 

I honestly don't know what to say. I myself have thought I would be happier if my STBXGH were dead. After 27 years of marriage, I am the one who feels dead ... purely a shell of a human. I do know that if/when he does die, I will mourn deeply for him. Such a conflict of emotions at all times no matter where we are in this journey. 

Always ... remember to take care of yourself first! It is only then that you can assist/help others.
Sending bright light, hugs, love and prayers.
 

So sorry you have the need to be in this group, but we are here for you.

My d-day was August 18th. On August 19th my GH of 27 years told me he was leaving me. We have three children 26, 23, and 19. Our youngest was foster/adopted and has a wide range of issues and is custody of the state at the moment. We are currently filing for Co-Guardianship of an Incapacitated Person. 

When to tell the kids. You can only do what is right for you. I can tell you that I was not willing to live with lies or half truths. I insisted that all of our children be told ASAP. My GH wanted to wait for a month because it was not a good time, blah, blah, blah. Lots of excuses. I told him and stood by the fact ... "There is NEVER going to be a good time!" And so all our children were told by August 31st. Yes, even our mentally ill child. They were all shocked and took time to process what was/is going on. Our youngest remarkably did amazing! The best part about it was not having to pretend that things are ok. If mom is not exactly doing well, they know exactly why. The truth indeed set me free. I am much more easily able to move forward. 

As for meeting someone new, I am not there yet nor do I know if I ever will be. Yet I have been thinking about it. I'm not an internet dating kind of girl. Just for my own sanity, I know I will need to be getting out and rediscovering who I am ... just to be around people. Someone suggested www.meetup.com. It is a sight that lists the local groups around you ... so many different groups on different topics or activities. That would be the route I would go. Me starting to do things that interest me or that I love. If I meet someone, so be it. If I don't meet someone, I'm still enjoying learning who I am all over again.

Take Care of yourself!
God Bless

I'm speechless ... I really can't add much as our situations are different in too many ways. What I can tell you, at least in Massachusetts, that when you file for divorce your funds automatically go under a restraining order. So no large purchases can be made without consent of both parties. If he is spending lots of money on transgendering ... this should freeze those funds until things are settled between you so its not coming out of your "half" persay.

My situation is different in some aspects, but children are children ... mine all happen to be 19, 23, and 26. For me, living a lie by protecting their father's secret was not going to work for me. I gave him an ultimatium, we tell them together or I will tell them and I set a date for this to be accomplished by.

I do believe that telling them with both of us there was important. It was good for our children to see that I was ok (for the most part), that we were working things out for the best of both of us, and that we are still both their parents.

Speak truth in an age appropriate way. You know your kids the best and how much specifics that they can handle. Our conversations started with my GH announced that he was gay. From there our children lead the conversation and asked questions that popped into their heads. Ironically our 19 year old (who is special needs and more emotionally like an 11 year old) was the most direct with his questioning. We simply answered as age appropriately and honestly. My husband tried to soften some of the statements and I had to clarify more specifically because it was more truthful. Yes, all of our children were devastated (especially the youngest). Our conversation also was when we told them that after 27 years of marriage we were separating ... just a huge bomb on their reality of our family. But, afterwards in the days following they continued to ask questions and realized that things for the most part really haven't changed for them (since you are already divorced, this may also ring true for your children also). If you are able to have both of you there at the same time, they will be assured that everyone is on the same page (for one of our children I was Skyped in for the disclosure).

As for the religious aspect of it ... 
I am a Catholic, and I have approached this with my kids (especially the youngest), that God created all of us. Some people are just born differently. Sometimes they are visible birth defects like missin