OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: hi I’m new, recently found out and husband going on a date.
Willowtree99 wrote:
......So after a few months of him coming out and me still trying to come to grips with it all he is going on a date with a man......
You're lucky (in a very twisted way) ....he's going out on a date with a man?....ffs...that's the ultimate of disrespect
and you seem to be accepting of it, along with feeling jealous and bitter?
I'm still stuck in the hopefulness of the future I thought I would have
but if my partner was that honest..... I'd be gone.
KIA KAHA
- Willowtree99
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Re: hi I’m new, recently found out and husband going on a date.
Thank you all for your advice.
addie01
We definitely seem to be in a similar position. It does hurt. I have also asked questions and I’m trying not to ask any as hard as it is. I tell myself I have the information I need. I still would like to know if he’s going on a date or going out. I did get angry when it was so sudden. I do want to mentally prepare myself. It does make me sick in many of ways to. I hate that feeling. Thank you so much for you message. The long reply was great and it’s nice you care enough to put that effort in to a message. We have enjoyed many of years together and still enjoy doing things together and I will be enjoying the day with him and bam o remind myself his gay and we aren’t happily married as I thought. It’s hard being that way.
Scrupulous
Yeh I know it’s dead and over but like a death you have to grieve that loss I guess. Thanks for your reply
Elexor
I feel your message is a bit harsh. We handle things differently. Even though you may be able to shut off and be out of there so to say, I’m not you and who knows how they react when they are in this position.
Checking you post I’m guessing yournwkth your husband that’s gay (GID) so you can’t say you would be out of there. I know before a lot of men come out they cheat anyway. So him actually telling me his going on a date is just being honest. You are close to be in my position. You know the truth that’s why your here on this forum.
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Thread Starter- Willowtree99
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Re: hi I’m new, recently found out and husband going on a date.
Wouldn’t you prefer honesty either then someone lying to your face? I’m sure that’s disrespectful and your still there. It’s not so easy to just leave and honestly if he’s gay what am I meant to do “you can’t be gay!! “ I have to accept it. Either way he tells me while we live together the truth or sneaks about and lies to my face.
I’d just prefer the truth-yes as much as it hurts and make some sad or bitter.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: hi I’m new, recently found out and husband going on a date.
"Elexor
I feel your message is a bit harsh....."
I didn't mean it to sound harsh. I'm just further into this journey than you perhaps and of course our situations are different, as we are as individuals too, but I have set myself boundaries and there are thresholds which when crossed will mean my man and I can no longer be together.
KIA KAHA
- MasONeil
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Re: hi I’m new, recently found out and husband going on a date.
Willow ... would you still live with your husband or want your husband around if he was dating women? Would you want to know when he was on a date with another woman?
I know that I can never live that way. After 27 years of marriage to a gay man, we are separating, selling our home of 25 years, and moving forward separately. When I found out on 8/18/18, I initially wanted to remain together ... but I quickly realized that being present while my GH was out living the life that we should be living would be absolutely unbearable for me.
Now that I know am I moving forward on my own, I have gained some strength and some pride back. I know that I will never be able to change him being gay. I know I would never had deliberately married gay man (that just sounds crazy!). So my path forward is clear to me.
I hope that you are taking care of yourself (joining here is a great step forward). Seek a support group and/or a therapist.