Is He/She Gay » Feeling alone in this » January 8, 2021 10:42 pm |
"...unable to sleep or eat because after 4 years in a sexless marriage and this continued fishing for an affair on my husband’s end..." This sounds absolutely miserable. Does it even matter if he's gay, straight, or bi?
Support » Why am I not enough » January 8, 2021 10:22 pm |
For the purposes of this thread, I don't think whether or not bisexuality exists is the issue.
This woman is reeling from the news that her husband is not the straight person she thought she married. We can all relate to that. It is shocking & scary. I'm nearly two years out & I can still hardly believe I'm here...in this forum.
Furthermore, he basically told her to stand by while he "figures out what he wants"....At that point, does the sexual orientation even matter?
Support » Why am I not enough » January 7, 2021 3:33 pm |
In many cases: When our closeted spouses get to the point of coming out to us, they've already cheated, checked out of the marriage, or want to cheat with our permission (i.e. have a "friend with benefits" while enjoying the benefits of marriage/avoiding the financial, etc. pitfalls of divorce).
You *are* enough...Don't internalize this as a you problem. This is really shocking news to get...Your husband has had years to come to terms with his sexuality (which is probably why he seems "unbothered" by it)
Personally, I think separating so he can "figure out what he wants" will only prolong (and compound) your pain. It may be worth getting a free consultation with an attorney to explore your options if you do decide to divorce.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. The First-Aid Kit has some great advice (if you haven't checked it out yet).
Support » Sex is Sex....why is it different or okay because one is bisexual » January 4, 2021 5:39 pm |
OutofHisCloset wrote:
Regardless of emotional attachment, having sex with anyone outside of marriage is cheating, whether you're visiting prostitutes or getting it on with a "friend with benefits." Think about it: if it were just sexual release, he could masturbate. He's just rationalizing, something gay in denial men are very good at. Also, his mooning about is a manipulative tactic that is designed to make you feel you need to address his unhappiness by accommodating his desire to have sex with men.
What kind of husband discusses with his wife how awful he feels about not being able to have sex with his male partners? He is showing no regard for your feelings at all.
Really well said (as always). If it's just sex, would it really be worth putting an entire relationship in jeopardy?
Strategies for MOM's » husband admits bi desire » January 4, 2021 5:20 pm |
CaliGirl28 wrote:
My husband recently admitted that he is bisexual. Of course a shocking revelation as I had no idea. He states that men indeed do not view relationships the same as women. To him his relationship with me is emotional whereby his thoughts of men is purely sexual. I too am trying to work through what this means for our marriage.
I don't believe that men universally have a different view of relationships. I believe there are people who like monogamy—and others who don't. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what *you* want your marriage to look like. If your husband told you that his attraction to his female co-worker was purely sexual (but he loves you), would you give him the green light to explore that attraction? I think sometimes we get so caught up in the orientation...but, at the end of the day, it is still your spouse rationalizing having sex with someone else.
Support » Feeling lonely and confused » December 29, 2020 10:07 am |
I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself here, Brian...My very first thought after reading this was: Wow, I hope he does find someone else and move on. Please know that you deserve so much better than this...and there are many, *many* other kind & loving women out there who wouldn’t dream of treating their partner this way. I can’t believe your wife had the audacity to bring her affair partner to your house while your daughter was there. How low can you go...
Take care of yourself...I know how hard this is.
General Discussion » What does “Let’s get jinglin” mean? » December 22, 2020 10:35 pm |
Support » Please help me :( » December 19, 2020 9:56 pm |
Hi ltb—I'm glad you found this place (but also sorry that you have to be here). I just wanted to say I understand how you're feeling. I'm not quite at the 2-year mark, but it's still hard. It doesn't help that there aren't many (any, really) happy stories out there on the Internet. For me, I think it's really the dishonesty...and the shattering of trust. I didn't find out until 8+ years + 1 small child into our relationship. It hit me like a freight train. Like you, I also struggle with reconciling my discomfort with this...but it's different when it's your partner and there's so much at stake.
I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. Try to be as open and honest as you can (with her/her & yourself). Also, understand, it's OK to have boundaries in your relationship.
If it's still taking a toll on your mental health three years later, that probably isn't a good sign. I think sometimes it takes a long time for our hearts to catch up with our heads...and that gut feeling that tells us something isn't quite right.
Keep posting here...You're with people who get it.
Take care <3
Support » Is he gay, bi, confused or mentally ill? And do I leave him? » December 18, 2020 4:40 pm |
jeffmaxwellsucks wrote:
20 years married and I found out on December 1st, 2020 that he has been cheating on me with transgender prostitutes and other bi or straight men for 18 years. He told me everything, answered every question EXCEPT for why he did it. He says he doesn't know why.
Why? Because he felt entitled.
We have been seeing marriage counselor since then and she admits that his problem is beyond the scope of her education. She suspects it is addiction.
I think this is beyond everyone's scope. Does the why even matter?
He went to his own therapist today and I would love to know what was said but unfortunately my husband is and always has been a poor communicator (I chalked it up to "men are just not good at this"). My question is, what is his orientation?
He is either a bisexual cheater or a gay cheater.
He likes penises, like sucking them. But he says he is straight and only looks at women.
Straight men don't suck penises.
I AM SO CONFUSED. Now that I have discovered his secret he is begging me not to leave him, swears he loves me. He has spent upwards of $100,000 on prostitutes over the years and has done this at times when we were financially strapped. Should I just leave him?
WTF!
He is currently living in our guest bedroom and thanks me every day for not making him leave. Is this an illness and if so should I at least try to work it out? We have two teenage boys whom he doesn't want to know about this. And before you go looking for Jeff Maxwell online, don't bother, its not his real name, just a handle he uses on sites where he trolls for people to hook up with. Any advice from anyone would be appreciated.
[b]I know this is hard...I know you're hurting...but I think you should run....run like your hair is on fire! (and get your *own* counselor/support system...because, man, this guy has really put you through the ringer)
Hang in there...and put *your* needs first now. I'm so sorry y
General Discussion » "How helping my husband discover he’s gay helped me let go" » December 17, 2020 3:59 pm |
Rob wrote:
But in the end the hurt becomes too much and they have to divorce.
Its an amazing read though.. this story..
How she helped her husband. I wonder who helped her.
I get the sense that the woman in this story would have kept going on with that painful arrangement indefinitely (to keep the family intact). The husband didn't seem bothered at all that he was hurting her, his wife and mother of his children. Most likely, his male lover gave him an ultimatum: Divorce or we're over.
Incredibly sad story all around.