TangledOil wrote:

I’m currently in communication with a couple that opened their marriage after 20 years together. The husband is bi and the wife is straight. He was always honest with his wife and never cheated. She’s known about his bi-desires the entire time. She supported him in conversion therapy for many years. Obviously it didn’t work because conversion therapy doesn’t work. They opened their marriage a couple years ago. He says it isn’t easy... it hasn’t been easy especially for his wife. They both have individual therapists and also a couples therapist. He said he never wanted for their life to be like this... this complicated, but the reason it’s working so far is that his wife loves him more than she loves monogamy. 🤔 I thought that was rather profound, but I can also say most straight wives probably love monogamy more than they love their husbands. 

This sounds like a horrible, emotionally abusive marriage. I'd rather be single for life. If the husband claims to be attracted to both sexes....why put her through this misery...knowing how much it hurts her? She is one of the genders he is supposedly attracted to. It doesn't make sense to me (unless he's actually gay). Marriage should never be this complicated or painful. 

 

This is a lot for one person to go through...I did a quick search, and Descovy requires a negative HIV test before a prescription is made. A rash is one of the symptoms of an allergic reaction to the drug.  It seems like your husband is being really reckless...Part of me wonders if he wants you to confront him. I don’t know how you’re keeping your composure...I have never been capable of that.

Hi SH — I'm sorry you're here. I know you came for support, but I'm going to be honest with you: This sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Open marriages are very difficult (period). Throw in a "surprise, I'm not straight" situation....oy.

This is A LOT to process in just six months. My husband told me he's bisexual nearly two years ago, and I'm still struggling....so I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. Your wife started talking to a woman just one month ago and she's already in love and flying long distance during a pandemic to be with her? Wow. Either she's been talking to this woman longer than she's admitting...or she's deep in the throws of "gay adolescence" + "new relationship energy"...and not making the most rational choices. 

Listen, I would never (not in a million years) agree to an arrangement like this...I can barely meet work deadlines—yet alone juggle two relationships and a child...But, if I were the non-monogamous type, I would not attempt to navigate this alone. You both need to get into counseling ASAP: Be honest about your feelings, set boundaries, talk "what if" scenarios...There are children involved, so this isn't something that should be taken lightly. 

Most importantly, look after your happiness. What are you getting out of this? Do you feel loved / respected / desired? If not, do you get to seek other women for that? This is your marriage, too...and you have every right to not want to spend it on the sidelines. 

Hang in there, SH.

I don't think anyone here should feel bad about snooping...It's self-preservation, really...In so many stories here, the straight spouse only gets the truth when the evidence is simply insurmountable. 

I’m sorry, Maya. No one should have to go through this. Marriage is supposed to enhance your life—not leave you with heart-pounding anxiety. No one signs up for this—and I actually consider this abusive.

Every time he texts those men...every time he meets those strangers for sex...Every time he puts your physical and emotional health in danger...He is making a choice...and he isn’t choosing you & your family. I cannot imagine how the sex could possibly be worth it.