"What happens if nobody steps up?"

They do. When you're ready, they do.

When we are whole again, happy in ourselves, tending our needs, taking care of our wants, there's something that emanates from us that others pick up on and respond to.

Healing yourself means being kind to yourself in all ways. Treating yourself the way you would select a partner to treat you. We talk a lot on this forum about thinking kind thoughts about ourselves, and that's primary, but it goes further than that. Eat the best food. Wear nice clothing. Get your hair done. Get a mani/pedi. Buy some new makeup. Whatever it is that goes into taking care of you, do it. Feel good about yourself. You're a fabulous, beautiful person with a sparkling wit and personality.

In the recesses of my brain, the movie Field of Dreams is flashing. Shoeless Joe Jackson is whispering "If you build it, he will come". Funny how we connect things like that in our minds. I haven't seen that movie in over 20 yrs, but there it is.

Build it, girlfriend. He will come.

"how did you overcome your fear that it won't happen again?"

Keep your eyes open and don't get lost in the fuzzy-wuzz of feelings.

Flags are always there. This time don't make kind excuses for them. IE: his sex drive is a little lazy because of weight or age. Look it in the eye with zero qualifications and say "our drives don't match" instead, and leave it there.

Most of us arrived here because we created excuses for flags and alarm bells.

I actually went about this like an employer. Sounds odd, I know, but think about it. Would you hire a man that is incompatible with your business and watch him drag it down losing rep and money days, weeks, months, years? Why are we willing to accept into our most sacred space, our personal lives, those people by making excuses for them? I quit doing it.

I now go about admitting people into my life as I would hiring them for a position. It's the most important position we can ever hire for. Friend, lover, companion, confidant. My excuse making days are over. Measure up, or don't get the position. 😉

Sleep to dream - Fiona Apple

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMWYCnCIVMU

I got my feet on the ground
And I don't go to sleep to dream
You got your head in the clouds
You're not at all what you seem
This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled
By your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around, I got my own hell to raise...

I haven't been here in a long while. Life has been looking up for me and the munchkin. He's grown so much, potty training happened! Lol

I've been in a relationship for the past 7 months and enjoying it very much. It's been difficult having been so negatively impacted in the ways I have to deal with dating. The Spanish Inquisition could take lessons from my vetting process. I've found that moving on into dating and other relationships has been a huge balm for everything. Getting back on the relationship horse was the hardest thing to do with my hyper suspicion set on max, but has been the most worthwhile thing that's happened.

Letsbehonest,

I hesitated responding to your post due to the main question - anal kissing and licking. Plenty of porn soaked straight guys are overly caught up in anal, so to answer the "is he gay" angle from that is too much of a reach.

However, I read your posts to Sean and the further detail you provide hits the nail on the head.

Straight men don't watch gay porn.
Straight men don't ask you to describe them having sex with other men.
Straight men do not need gay fantasy inducement to get excited enough to have sex with a woman.
Straight men do not search out "muscle man" and "locker room" pics.

I'm terribly sorry for your situation.