Sag, 
I haven’t been on this forum for a couple of years, because it Does Get Better, it gets so much better. Dam, this man has taken enough of your life, don’t give him any more. You deserve happiness, and peace. I was married for 43 years before I discovered my ex was Gay. We had the “best friends, happy marriage,” and then slam, I discovered gay porn,  dildos, etc, etc. I , was just like you, giving, loving, caring, wanting to help him.  I loved my ex with all my heart, but then reality hits me, I loved the man he pretended to be, not who he actually is. I was never really angry after discovery The gay thing, I had overwhelming sadness. I also realized that perhaps my ex loved me to the best of his ability, but, what a selfish love it was, I was truly a beard, I was used. Upon that realization, at the age of 63, I decided I was going to make the best life for myself that I could. Counseling helped to a point, but, I just got tired of rehashing what my ex did to me, I wasn’t going to go into that dam rabbit hole of bitterness or anger. I made a choice, I choose happiness, and made a new life for myself. during my first year after divorce, I learned to play pickle ball, joined a fitness club, joined book club, learned to play mahjong, went on solo cruises , joined a church, and volunteer work. I remember waking up  on the one anniversary of my divorce,  and realizing, I did it, I was happy and really enjoying my life. Then year two, I met someone, a man with integrity, who treats me like a woman, who desires me and most importantly loves and respects me. I never knew what romance was until I met him.

Sag, you deserve so much better, what happen to you sucks, but I can tell that you are such a kind, loving soul. Can you be your own best friend right now, and show that kindness and love for yourself?  Don’t let your ex take any more from you,  you have choices, what do you want? You can choose happiness over sadness. I am not saying it is easy, bu

Gay Porn Magazines
dildos
No sex with me for 10 years (claimed ED problems)
Homophobia (always telling inappropriate gay jokes)

 

Hello Straight Spouses,

I initially started my journey here as "cindys" and then discovered my GIDH had figured out my sign on name and read my posts.  So I then changed my name to "violated" and got a new computer and pass word. When I first signed on in February 2018, I was so afraid. I had discovered after 43 years of marriage TGT: gay porn, anal dildos, searches on my GIDH's iPhone for gay bars searches, hepatitis B diagnosis never disclosed, and the list went on and on.

After my discovery of TGT, then I confronted my GIDH. OMG.....then came the gas lighting, his lies. I was trying to make sense of his non sense. I wanted to believe him so badly. I thought I was going crazy. I had to write down his answers to my questions, cause he was always changing them and then denied that he said what he had said. I seriously was questioning my sanity. But you all (SSN Spouses) saved me. You helped me see the truth. I would post my concerns and you answered me, you supported me, and I paid attention. You gave me strength, but most of all Hope, the hope that I deserved better. And most importantly, it was time to think about what was best for me. Once I stopped focusing on him, and stop wasting my time trying to get him to confess he was gay, I started to heal. My healing started with I focused on me and not him.

So, I pushed forward, I filed for divorced and it was finalized within 4 months. Although , at times I was angry, with me my main emotion was overwhelming sadness, it still creeps in. But there was also relief. I have to say, I always have loved my GIDXH, and still do. I think he probably loves me to the best of his ability, but he is a gay man, and I didn't sign up for that. 

So now it is all about me. I am OK. I live alone, and most days I am happy. I focus on what brings me joy. I joined new clubs, I volunteer, I learned to play pickle ball, I have traveled on 2 single cruises, I joined book clubs. I have great friends. I even went on a few dates. After the

Number9, Thank you for your words of wisdom. My GIDXH just moved out 4 weeks ago. Although, there is still overwhelming sadness, there is also such relief that I no longer have to play detective. I no longer have to listen to another version of his truth. I can now see my Reality so clearly. Onward.......

How do I deal with doubts?

Easy...I continued to snoop and be a detective. The evidence became overwhelming. My GIDXH is Gay. 

I no longer believe anything he says. He is incapable of telling the truth.  Some may tell you that playing detective is not healthy for you but for me it gave me Validation and the kick in the ass I needed to move toward divorce. Onward...........