My ex has a new female parter so she isn't "gay" which is why I am so confused

He asked me a few times "If I were gay" who would I turn gay for I would say "no one".... and then he would say  "If I were gay, I would turn gay for my best friend 'Mike' " (a friend he had had since high school)
'Mike' is single, has always been single, except he had one "very secretive" relationship.
Every year he likes to go on a holiday with 'Mike' and a couple of other friends.
Spending time with 'Mike' was always important.

One of our biggest arguments when we were married was (he is very artistic) when he wanted to make a "black penis" piece of art, to impress (a very attractive female who works in a industry dealing with bodily parts). I was jealous he was trying to impress her at the time. He didn't end up making it because I got so angry. But looking back on it, I think to make that, would require him to stare and observe it a lot. He told me he wanted to make it realistic, big, erect, with veins and balls and hairs. 

Another red flag was the occasional time we watched porn. He didn't like any scenes that just had a woman by herself, said that was boring. Every scene had a man in it, and often groups of people, so he would be watching two men. 

There were our own bedroom problems, he was very hot and cold on when he wanted it, had erectile dysfunction sometimes. Blamed me for being too keen. My brand new sexy underwear would sit unused in its shopping bag for months. Didn't feel he was attracted to me, something was missing. Very robotic. 

Finally he felt the need to tell me a couple of times about when he was a teenager and in a musical, an older gay man hit on him. Didn't elaborate.

His three favourtie actors who he thought were really attractive and thought had perfect bodies. Two played straight men but were gay in real life. The third is bisexual. 

He grew up extremely christian, his family would never approve of him being anything but straight.

I am very conf

MJM017 wrote:

hoppyfrog wrote:

Just hoping as she is a lot younger than me, she will have the computer skills to really catch him and out him. 
 

Hello hoppyfrog,

Outing a gay person just for the sake of it is vicious. Most normal gay men and women aren't deceiving a romantic partner.

.

Hi MJM sorry if this is a long post, and sorry for I'm hijacking this topic. 
I'm just feeling a bit passionate about this. 

I wouldn't be outing him for the sake of it. 
I want him outed so my truth can be heard.
He lied and lied and lied and lied and lied.
He works in the I.T. industry.
He had a burner phone, multiple computers, multiple servers, multiple email addresses, multiple messaging apps  and he was able to create computer codes including encrpted docusments and code.
When I divorced I dicovered a secret bank account (but for legal reasons in my country I did not have access to what transactions were made) 
I discovered a fake email address that had my name at the beginning, so mail that should have been going to me, was going to him.
I discovered there were photos of text messages that he had photo shopped so it looked like he was texting a girl. 
A few years ago, he drove me so nuts, I was trying to work out who he was cheating on me with.
I thought it was a lady. 
As he disguised everything as this particular woman.
So I accused him of cheating with her.
He said "I am not cheating on you with ANY WOMAN" (he said the truth)
How was I supposed to know his trips away, urgent meeting, bizarre messages were with a man. 
I got so messed up and confused I ended up so behind on my sleep I went crazy and was placed in a mental health unit.
I was temporarily seperated from my children.
Once I got out of the health unit.
Authorities came and check my parenting, checked my home.
I was seen as a extremely good mother who was just exhausted.
They recommended my husband help out around the house more.
And that I relax and spend more time on hobbies and soc

"OhOhNo"

I just saw the line "repulsed by his body scent"
I was too, he always smelt bad! 
Hoping the next man smells better! 

Thank you so much for responding, the graphic detail was useful. 
Deep down I know he is gay / bisexual, but sometimes I doubt myself, as he is the king of crazy making.
He is a currently dating a woman.
He is currently love bombing her. 
I don't think he will come out anytime soon.
 

 

It sounds like you are meeting people on dating apps, prior to meeting my ex husband I meet tried online dating and it was a disaster, as I kind of wanted to mould myself to fit the person and vice versa... and then a few weeks in red flags would appear and everything would blow up.

Instead of pouring energy into dating.... I have been making a lot of little changes to my life, including losing weight, getting fitter, dressing better, being more organised and managing my work / life / kids better. As a result I have noticed men are noticing me. I am staying cautious. I just believe I deserve better than I had, and if I wait they will find me. 

Don't waste your energy chasing men, pour your energy into being the woman men want to chase!  

The other mistake you can make, is being in a short term relationship with the wrong guy.... when the right guy comes a long. I plan on staying single and VERY MUCH AVAILABLE..... so I don't miss my chance when a geniune nice guy sits next to me on the train, or bumps into me at work.