So sorry you are here, but glad you found us! Although it won't seem like it, its a blessing that you discovered this now vs later. Many of us went years before finding out. In my case 23 years together, 19 married and 3 kids. My ex said many of the same things to me early on. My best advice; stop listening to anything SAID, and only pay attention to what is DONE. Words are easy to throw around, what are the actions telling you? 

When I first found out, I thought there was a chance. (And as Freedmyself said, some people make it work) but for me, I realized her words never matched her actions. She had been lying to me from day 1. She isnt someone who I have in my life and only speak to her as required for logisitcs for the kids. My life is much better as a result. My health immediately improved as did myself esteem. 

I am not projecting my issues onto to you. I am simply saying, your situation is "common" for us on the board. While each situation is different, many things are the same. Words mean nothing, only action. Take care of yourself, this is jarring. Think about what you WANT and NEED, not about him. 

Wishing you the best.

Agree Lily. I know this is mostly from women finding out their husbands are gay. I am a straight guy whose ex wife never actually cared for me and lied for 23 years. Empathy is one of my top traits, but not for her. If I did, I can promise you I'd still be stuck. Once the truth came out, I no longer feel any obligation to be "empathetic towards someone who had me on very strong anti-anxiety meds for 23 years only to come off of them within 2 weeks of going no/low contact with her. 

I recognize every situation is different. For me, yeah, I certainly do not need to be told on the straight spouse support page to be more empathetic to my ex who literally tried (and continues to this day) to ruin my life and make it harder. 

You aren't alone at all. It does get better. My situation my be a bit different, I was "fortunate" to get this bomb dropped on me at age 42.So starting over (minus half my assets) while hard, seemed doable. I learned and accepted rather quickly that my ex-wife never cared for me and actually hated (still does) me because I am everything she is not. This helped in my healing process tremendously, because she actually lost something/someone, I lost a headache, abusive gaslighting, manipulative albatross around my neck....pretty good trade for me. 

Why tell you this? Everyone deals with their situation in their own way. I found peace in living in the present, always. I rarely worry about much of anything and this is after a 23 year relationship (19 years married) to someone who beat me down every chance she could get and I was on anti-anxiety meds for the entirety of our relationship. (and almost immediately off them once I went extremely low contact). 

Where ever you get too, how long it takes, the journey is better in the present. Enjoy each moment as if you chose it. Anxiety will fade and a new you will emerge. I am shocked at how pleasant life can be, even with the challenges of a horrible co-parent and the state the takes 40% of my earnings and gives them to her so she can not spend it on the kids. None of that bothers me, it simply, is....

Be well, treat yourself kindly, and know you are now free. It does get better. 

Hey blankcanvas - welcome to the forum no one wants to be a part of, but we are all here  

I am sorry you are here, but glad you found us. I think it would be helpful to consider several things:
1. her sexuality is not the point, the only point that really matters is she is choosing someone else and not you. My ex wife said the same initial "I want to want us, but I just want her" she said. Just because someone is bi, doesnt mean its not cheating. Cheating is cheating. period.
2. She is putting all of this on you. "If you want to stay together, I will make it work" she said. That is a massive grand canyon sized red flag that not only is she not done exploring, she wants you to function as a parental figure and make the decision for her. Thats not a healthy relationship....
3. Actions matter, words do not. Just because she says she wants to be with you, what are her actions showing you? If it is you that consistetly has to say the right things, do the right things etc, where is her accountability? 

I can not decide for you. No one care. Take the time you need and focus on YOU. Clearly, that is what your wife is doing, focusing on herself and not you at all. Words DO NOT matter. Only actions.

Be well my friend. Its a long journey, but life gets really good on the other side. I am in a healthly relationship now and looking back at my marriage, it was not only toxic, but it was manipulative in every way. 

Eagle D - lots of a great advice. Would absolutely get a lawyer. Not all situations are the same, but mine is very similar to Marie's. My ex wife said she was "so sorry" and that none of this was my fault and she would not be greedy/selfish. My first clue was her unwillingness to even turn in the paperwork to the lawyers. So I did. Then she dragged her feet on negotiations. So I pushed it. Then we reached 4 agreements, each time with me signing/notarizing and submitting, each time with backing out and asking for more. So I had to file for Divorce or I truly believe I would still be married to her....

Point being, some times, these people will tell you all you want to hear to protect themselves, make it easier for them, forgetting you are the one bearing the surprise, hurt and baggage. Protect yourself, if they are truly genuine, the costs will be minimal and it will go quickly. If not, you'll be well prepared and not have it drag on longer than necessary. in the end, my ex wife got slightly more than what I was willing to pay her any way, but we both lost over 40K that could have been spent on the kids to legal fees. She gets paid an absurd amount of money from me monthly and is clearly, still miserable. 

wishing you the best. The only way to the other side is through it. Be well