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Strategies for MOM's » How to stay together without further harm or repression. » May 26, 2022 12:14 am

mamakatz
Replies: 7

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My spouse came out as transgender in 2020. Dealing with their transition is literally one day at a time for me. I care about them and want to stay, but there are days when they make it a lot more difficult than it needs to be. For instance, this evening they insisted I stay and listen to Fresh Air's interview with a transgendered author, and while I tried to hear it I simply wasn't able to get the same insights out of it that they were getting. This made them upset with me and I left the room. Just now, it occurred to me that while they are claiming they are becoming the woman they are meant to be, they are still trying to exert male privilege and attempting to control me, as the wife in the relationship.

They cannot have it both ways. I would not have put up with that kind of treatment if my spouse weren't transgender. I shouldn't have to tolerate it just because they are.

General Discussion » Something to laugh about… » May 15, 2022 12:28 am

mamakatz
Replies: 23

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Lyla wrote:

I think laughing about the FML absurdity of it all is a necessary (for many) part of the healing process.
The bracelet thing is interesting...I've not heard of that one...The one earring thing is a common gay-on-the-prowl signal. 

All this time, I thought that the one-earring thing meant that the wearer was a pirate! Haaargh!

Support » A bit of a sad rant » May 15, 2022 12:19 am

mamakatz
Replies: 13

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You are not to blame and you are not alone. Holding you in my heart.

Our Stories » One day at a time » May 15, 2022 12:15 am

mamakatz
Replies: 0

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In 2020, my spouse came out as trans and it's been a challenge for several reasons. It's hard to balance the love and support I have for them with the need to maintain my own sense of who I am. It's true that having a spouse who is trans is like caring for a helpless infant while simultaneously dealing with a confrontational, hormonal teenager and mourning the death of the marriage that was. Plus, this has laid bare some of the other issues that were previously hidden beneath the surface. 

I'm not sure I would have survived the past two years without the love and support of my friends and my sister, the terrific support I've gotten from my therapist and the resources I have here. However, on the positive side I've used this time to address some longstanding issues I had with depression and anxiety, and am discovering and building on my own strengths.

Will we make it as a couple? The love we have is certainly still there, but things are not the same as they were and I realize they cannot be. We are taking it one day at a time.
 

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