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General Discussion » Anyone use humor to cope? » April 12, 2017 8:45 am

Treuth
Replies: 19

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Piper55...
"There is nothing more powerful than a woman (or man) with options."

I absolutely LOVE this. Thank you for the reminder this morning. Sometimes I get stuck playing small and I forget that I always have options.

Support » How are we all doing? » April 7, 2017 5:36 pm

Treuth
Replies: 54

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Ditto to what many have said, thank you, sincerely, Kel, for sharing your experience, strength and hope with all of us, no matter what stage of the journey we are on. We are not alone, and we are so much stronger together. Thank you for reminding us of that and shining some light on the truth, especially to those of us who feel like we're desperately struggling in the dark.

My husband is still out of town until tomorrow night, and I am enjoying every tension-free authentic moment of it.

Support » How are we all doing? » April 5, 2017 1:40 pm

Treuth
Replies: 54

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Thanks, Kel, for opening this thread. Not much has changed for me since I first posted. My husband, who dropped the trans bomb on me 15 months ago and has tried to retract it twice, is now in a desperate, frenzied attempt to make our marriage work. I can hardly stand it. I know this is only because he got caught and I actually stood up for myself and spoke my truth. He's terrified of what he has to lose.

I know that divorcing is the right thing to do for my sanity and my peace of mind. I wish there was an easier, softer way, but I know there's not. I've made the decision, now it's all about finding the courage to take the next right actions. I seem to be in limbo-or perhaps purgatory is more accurate-just biding my time. Waiting for what I'm not really sure.

I wish I could get and stay angry because I know that anger gets stuff done. I know that I'm at least aware of the manipulation that's going on, mostly thanks to all of you, but it's easy to get caught up in when you're right in the middle of it.

My husband is out of town the next 4 days for business and I do know that I'm enjoying that, immensely. For now I keep putting one foot in front of the other and take it one day/hour/minute/breath at a time. Whatever it takes. I think eventually what needs to happen is that I finally get tired of putting up with my own shit....

Thanks for listening.

General Discussion » Forum Jargon for Newbies » April 3, 2017 8:27 pm

Treuth
Replies: 38

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Think we can add TGID to the list of acronyms? I believe that's what my husband of 25 years is, a transgender in denial. In denial now because I found out he'd been on HRT for 6 months.  Which was just something his therapist recommended he try, you know. But now he says it's not for him, it's not what he wants. This would be the 2nd time in the last 15 months that he's tried to "retract" this. He made a mistake. Why can't I just be supportive and we can go just go back to the way we were.

He is desperately backpedaling because he's afraid of what he has to lose. Begging me to work things out, transferring his guilt onto me. Trying to, anyway.

I am speaking my truth, as much as possible. I find myself still playing small, which frustrates the hell out of me, but I know I have a whole lot of old behavior to unlearn. I am trying to remain as detached as possible until I can work up the courage to tell him that we need to divorce and move on, for both our sakes.

Meanwhile I'm trying to remember to be gentle with myself and take it one day at a time.  Sorry to rant here, kind of off topic of the thread, but I know you all understand, so thank you for listening.

Support » Looking Forward: I deserve... » April 1, 2017 2:57 pm

Treuth
Replies: 11

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You absolutely deserve all of these things, Eliza. We all do. Thank you for reminding me. This is all new to me, too, relatively, anyway, and I forget sometimes that I am worthy, I am enough.

I imagine there will be some very dark days ahead of me, but like you, I have found hope here.  We are not alone.

Holding good thoughts for you today.

Support » Letting go... » March 31, 2017 9:58 pm

Treuth
Replies: 11

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Ditto, mareysd, all good suggestions and there are NO answers to be found at the bottom of a bottle. We can't drown our demons, they know how to swim. Trust me, I've tried.

Keep your head where your hands are and remember to breathe.  Inhale peace and calm and exhale the negative energy/BS.

Support » Letting go... » March 31, 2017 4:51 pm

Treuth
Replies: 11

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We can do anything for our kids, right? Yoga will help, I've also found meditation to be extremely, extremely helpful for me. it is a discipline and it takes practice, but I've found the benefits to be amazing. I can quiet the crazy between my ears for a bit.  I found a great (free!) app called "Insight Timer" with all kinds of guided meditations.

Just remember to breathe and I hope you have a great weekend with the kids.

Support » Letting go... » March 31, 2017 1:46 pm

Treuth
Replies: 11

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Rob-I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you but being a newcomer, I think I am only able to listen at this point.

When I find myself shaking or anxious I focus on my breath and it always calms me and brings my mind back home. My go to breath practice is to inhale for 4 seconds, hold 4, exhale for 4 seconds. Maybe it'd work for you, too.

You were so kind to me that I just wanted to reach out and let you know I am holding good thoughts for you, friend.

General Discussion » He says he's transgender and then he says he's not... I am SO confused » March 31, 2017 1:32 pm

Treuth
Replies: 28

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Wow, Kel and lily, thank you. Your perspectives have given me the clarity I've desperately been seeking.  There is power in knowledge of the truth. I think you've both also given me a much-needed reality check. One I suppose I will continue to need as time passes.

I know that I will land on my feet, eventually, and I'm beginning to understand that this is definitely a process. A painful and ugly process, but I have faith that I will come out on the other side of it. Stronger, I'm sure, although that is hard to imagine right now.

Thank you all also for your kindness, support and encouragement.

General Discussion » He says he's transgender and then he says he's not... I am SO confused » March 31, 2017 8:14 am

Treuth
Replies: 28

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Foolme-the similarities in all of our stories are striking. I also wouldn't have my two wonderful children were it not for our marriage, and I am beyond grateful for them. But, you're right, it's time I demand more of myself. At least work up the courage to start doing so. I know that my boys wouldn't want me to be this unhappy, although I'm sure they already know that something isn't quite right.

I was somewhat aware of the manipulation going on, but thank you all for helping me to realize the depth of it and understanding where it's coming from. That part I really couldn't see. I also really appreciate hearing that I'm not crazy.

I am fully prepared for him to never own his part in this and to continue to play the victim. I suspect that will be exactly the case all the way through.

Iamthelorax-I started seeing a therapist of my own just this week. Her suggestion/homework for me this week was for me to start having honest  conversations with him and to stop pretending that everything is okay. She, like all of you, called BS on his latest tactics. I have hope that the more I work with her the stronger I will get and actually find the courage to do the next right thing. For me.

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