OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 - Rob
- Member
Offline 
Letting go...
So after all the abuse, divorce and effort of getting away from TGT I'm trying to move on. In my head, away from her, I can properly process and grieve the kind person that I married (not the raging (gay) monster she became and is still if she contacts me). Forgiveness, letting go (all mentioned in another thread) is something that I hope will help me (us) move on. My life is a blank slate now ..its just me..all the love I have I can only give to myself and my kids. It's a strong fierce insane love, the kind that held on even while I was being cheated on and sworn at. I cannot apologize for that..only process it and try to move on..
Today's thought from thoughtcatalog.com...
Particularly;
" It is the day we cross paths and it won’t hurt to see you with her.
Because today hurts but tomorrow is unknown. Today my life begins again because you taught me how to love but more than that you taught what it’s like to not be loved equally in return."
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: Letting go...
I'm so happy to see this Rob. Congratulations on making the resolve to move on and completely let her go. Good for you!!!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Still Wondering
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Wow Rob, thank you for that! What a powerful quote - and a good link you posted. The very last line you wrote really stuck with me. It's so true. I've found that in life, sometimes it's just as good to learn what we don't like as much as what we like. As much as it hurt, it's good to feel what that felt like so I recognize it immediately in the future and know that it's not acceptable.
- maresyd
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Rob, you've been through worse than moving on. Keep walking, my friend. Grieve the loss, it's completely normal to do that. Keep basking in the love and support of everyone who is in your fortress. You are healing, and it's awesome to witness.
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
FYI. trying but I'm not long post TGT.. My relationship with my ex remains contentious. Her latest text discussing my kid has me shaking...we cannot agree on anything and then I get the hateful words.
I didn't want any of this.
My goal is to not shake when dealing with her. That would be worth so much. She remains as volatile as ever. I'm confounded to this day how much she changed from my best friend to my most hurtful enemy.
No contact remains my best practice.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- •
Thread Starter- Treuth
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Rob-I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you but being a newcomer, I think I am only able to listen at this point.
When I find myself shaking or anxious I focus on my breath and it always calms me and brings my mind back home. My go to breath practice is to inhale for 4 seconds, hold 4, exhale for 4 seconds. Maybe it'd work for you, too.
You were so kind to me that I just wanted to reach out and let you know I am holding good thoughts for you, friend.
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Thanks treuth. My ex raged at me through the whole ordeal so I have some ptsd issues whenever I interact with her now. I need to figure out how deal with this...I signed up for some yoga classes. I have some pills if it gets bad and can always drink but but prefer not to. I'm usually fine but all it takes is one interaction with her. No contact is best.
Going to try to make the best of my weekend...put a brave face on for the kids.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- •
Thread Starter- Treuth
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
We can do anything for our kids, right? Yoga will help, I've also found meditation to be extremely, extremely helpful for me. it is a discipline and it takes practice, but I've found the benefits to be amazing. I can quiet the crazy between my ears for a bit. I found a great (free!) app called "Insight Timer" with all kinds of guided meditations.
Just remember to breathe and I hope you have a great weekend with the kids.
- maresyd
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Rob, I still think EMDR might be something good for that ptsd. It's going to take some brain reprogramming. Yoga and meditation, and medication, for that matter can help. Drinking won't.
Hugs to you.
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- Treuth
- Member
Offline
Re: Letting go...
Ditto, mareysd, all good suggestions and there are NO answers to be found at the bottom of a bottle. We can't drown our demons, they know how to swim. Trust me, I've tried.
Keep your head where your hands are and remember to breathe. Inhale peace and calm and exhale the negative energy/BS.