My daughter is 23 and was out of the house when "the confession" came.  Now she is at the point where she doesn't care about who wronged who. She wants me to get on with my life which is true.  She is right.  GX has moved right along.  It is my turn.  Of course daughter has no idea of the pain, yet no longer wants to be in the middle of any of it.  She really wasn't involved as she is out and on her own.  She spends a lot of time with her dad and he has been a good father. He still takes both daughters out on the town and even shopping (at Victoria secret) and wherever they want to go. Clubs where they go to see their favorite band, he is 56 and most of the kids are in their 20's and 30's.  He dances and has a good time.  I don't think he notices that many see him as gay even though he looks and acts the part.  I do not see this daughter much.  We but heads sometimes.  Other daughter who is 21 was at home still when this was going on and she has a different take on it.  She is close to me and is concerned for me.  She got to see and hear things (much of it unintended), that made her understand the situation way better than daughter #1. Still getting past the past is the desire for all of us here.  Even if I need to distance myself from daughter #1 for a while as I continue to heal it is what I will do.  It does hurt however when GX, girlfriend, and my daughters hang together.  I have felt sorry for myself for too long now.  I am climbing out of this valley even if I need to claw my way out.

Leah, I feel so much sadness for you.  Even though I know for a fact that we both can do this.  I finally took the advice here and went no contact until yesterday when I got the Cancun story from her and I went right back into the suffering.  This time though as shaky and sick as I felt, It wasn't as bad of a feeling as I would have had hearing this a month or two months ago.  This is a good sign.  The "no contact"  is huge!! When you are weak keep "no contact" at the forefront of your brain.  It is the beginning of putting this behind you. No one unless they have gone through this can even begin to understand.  I have wasted many years looking out the window hoping GX would show up begging me to come back.  UGH.  Even so a Abby said: What would you do?  Do you really want to be with someone who has lied, stole, and cheated on you for years?" I really can't imagine kissing him again so why so distraught?  Maybe its because I am a bit vain and he had the nerve to give me up?  I think some of that is true.  I am almost 60 and time is being stolen from me with my permission.  Same with you.  It is up to us to change our attitude and stop shaking our heads wondering what just happened!?  OMG it is tough but its time. 

Thank you.  ALL of you. I am so grateful that I can post a struggle and get such encouraging responses.  When something like this happens and I fall back  a little I know that I can run to my support group and receive the push I need in the moment of struggle. I love you my friends!!

I should have handled it better.  I don't know why I was taken back by the news.  Just a quick overview:  married 26 years, husband watched gay porn on and off for past 15 or so years, finally met Ricky" on craigslist and hooked-up in a local hotel for sex. Also had another "friend" last summer which he denies having sex with even when this mutual "friend" (we both have know him for a long time), told me that my GIDX invited him upstairs so they could beat each other off. They were hardly ever apart last summer. I loved him deeply but knew I had to divorce.  He went to extensive counseling for three years and now has a girlfriend who he plans to marry.
just five minutes ago I was talking to my daughter.  Her dad, the girlfriend, our daughter and her boyfriend are making plans to go to Cancun.  GIDX and I have gone there many times together while we were married and had a blast.  Now I get this news, and for some reason I froze.  Daughter and I got into a bit of an argument about her dad. "You were the one who divorced him mom.  You could have stayed married." I had to honey, your daddy's gay". "Well he isn't gay now mom. He is with a woman and if he was really ever gay he seems to be straight now".  Daughter was quite upset with me and blames me for not giving her dad a chance.  I have been doing better. The new "woman" in his life was a setback for me and now a family trip that we should have taken our daughter on as a married couple is no more.  Still, I am doing better that I thought with the news and feel somewhat empowered.
In the back of my mind however, like many of us here, wonder if........could he be now attracted to his new girlfriend and really want only her?

Hi Rob!  I remember when you first got on this site.  I was just going through it and couldn't support anyone due to my deep pain.  I remember your pain.  You seem to have gotten further ahead in the healing process than I have. I am very glad for you.  I guess my set back was when GIDX tells me he is in love and getting married.  I had hoped it was with a man ( I could have accepted this more).  So this has set me back quite a bit. On the other hand, I have taken steps to go no contact with the in-laws and his family which though it is difficult, I see that it the only way.  I also have decided to find a new church.  All of the changes have hit me hard.  He has had NO changes and can continue with his life on the down low with a new bride.  Deeply heartbreaking but I am forcing myself to accept a couple of dates.  Hopefully I will begin to feel happy again.  You have come such a long way.  I hope soon I will be right behind you.