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General Discussion » The "Little" Signs » June 29, 2023 12:16 am

oliviap
Replies: 21

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That is very interesting. My LGBTQ partner always said that a man with a beard is hiding something. About three years before he told me he is gay, he started going to the gym, lost a lot of weight and grew a beard. He also was not satisfied with anything I bought him. The emotional abuse also started intensifying to such an extent that I was actually afraid of him. Looking back, I think he wanted me to divorce him, while I was just thinking that we are going through a bad patch. We were together for 42 years at that stage and we always had hi's and low's. I was looking forward to my retirement after working by his side for nearly 30 years. When he dropped his bomb I was completely devastated. This was almost three years ago and I still feel devastated. I really loved him very much and still do. To him I was just a piece of trash to be discarded at his will. I am still searching for the love off button and hope I will find it soon.

General Discussion » How did I get here? » October 22, 2022 11:20 pm

oliviap
Replies: 20

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Anon2222, I know exactly how you feel. My GH came out to me two years ago after having been together for 42 years, married 38 years. I think what I feel most is rejection - I have continuous nightmares and backflashes where I get rejected by him. For me, time has not made things easier. We are forced to work together because we have our own business. I think if this was not the case I would have been better off - every time I speak to him it feels like I lose every emotional advance that I have made and I am back to square one. I don't discuss how I really feel with my friends anymore. If they ask me how I am, I just say I am fine - I think most people expect that you should be fine after two years. I am not, and in fact I feel worse than I felt for the first few months. I have an excellent psychiatrist whose wife also left him for another woman quite a few years back. He has been very supportive and I think that I now have the right "mix" of medication - I am slowly getting back my energy and I am not crying anymore. The way in which my husband came out to me was horrid. He groomed our friends and children for a few years before and was telling everybody what a bad person and wife I was. For a year before his "confession" the emotional abuse had I to endure was inhumane. I later realized that he was sleeping with men three to four times per week for this whole year. I was completely oblivious, partly because I have been working 12 hour days including weekends and holidays. I was working to save enough money so that I could retire at age sixty. Instead of retirement I now face the fact that I have worked to enrich him. We are divorcing and I have to fight for every penny. I luckily have an excellent, but very expensive, attorney. It feels as if I am living in limbo and I don't know what to do to make some progress. My two adult children have been incredibly supportive.  I have a lot to be thankful for but I don't seem to be able to get past my rut.

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » August 7, 2022 10:35 pm

oliviap
Replies: 2397

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I find the last post by Eliasadc offensive and I think it should be removed. He is not a straight spouse and his "relationship" with his straight friend is of no concern to me. Some of the language written is plain vulgar and I don't think this acceptable. on this forum.

General Discussion » It's been very quiet in here the last few days » July 10, 2022 3:09 am

oliviap
Replies: 49

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I have also noticed that the Podcasts seem to have "disappeared". It is almost three months since the last Podcast. Before then there were four in March/April 2022. I usually enjoy listening to the Podcasts although very few of them addresses my situation. My STBX and me were married for 38 and together 42 years years when he announced that he is gay. He is 62 and I am 61 years old. I would really love a Podcast for "senior" straight spouses. I feel that 42 years of my life had been gobbled up by a GID husband. Although he abused me emotionally, I loved him dearly. I am really struggling to move past this betrayel and bulding a new life for myself. It would have been so much easier if he told me 20 years ago. He now claims that he has known he is gay since he was eight years old. He is living with a guy twenty years younger than him and has fully embraced the gay life-style. 

General Discussion » It's been very quiet in here the last few days » June 26, 2022 5:25 am

oliviap
Replies: 49

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I just want to find out if many more donations from Foundations etc. has been received after the change in name? There was actually a long discussion regarding the change in name during September/October last year. The thread was "Amazing changes coming to SSN". I was then, and still now is, against the change in name. The main reason is that questioning heterosexual people will not search the words "Our Path" on Google as it does not contain the word straight or heterosexual. I have gained so much knowledge of what was happening to me when my husband with whom I was married for nearly 40 years suddenly said to me "and by the way I am gay". I just wished that I found this web-site many years ago. Prior to my discovery of SSN, I had no knowledge of concepts like emotional abuse, gaslighting, verbal abuse, narcissism and a myriad of other concepts. I even struggled to find the SSN and only found it after disclosure. I am quite sure I would have never found Our Path Open Forum. To be fair - I think the fact that I do not live in the USA could have  influenced the results of my internet searches. My only hope is that "newbies" still find this web-site and the wonderful support from other straight spouses!

General Discussion » How many just “want” to know the whole story? » December 11, 2021 12:33 am

oliviap
Replies: 32

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I have been struggling with wanting all the answers. My STBX husband told me "And by the way I am gay" last year on the 29th of August after being together for 42 years and married for 38 years. I asked him to tell me all the details in order for me to have a better understanding of whether the marriage can be solved. He told me that he has been watching gay porn for many years and started hooking up with men a year prior to telling me that he is gay. He also told me that he is in love with two men and is struggling to make a choice( he chose the 40 year old basically illiterate man who is now completely dependent on him financially and otherwise). He moved out in October 2020 and his now boyfriend moved in with him. We have been in business together since 1994 and I was innocent enough to pay my salary into his account every month and all our investments, pension funds etc. are also in his name only. I never thought that I would end up getting divorced at the age of 60! We are married out of community of property which means that I am not entitled to any of his assets, despite working extremely long hours to build our business together. He now wants me to physically manage one of our businesses' which means that I would be in contact with him every day. At this stage I am managing all the finances and a large rental book for our companies. I have been able to work from home for the five past years. At first I thought I will be able to manage the company, but after some more verbal abuse by him, I realized that the only way I am going to get through this is by having no or as little as possible contact with him. This was confirmed by my psychologist. I also thought that I wanted more answers from him. My STBX did make an appointment for us at his therapist, but when I spoke to my psychologist she said I must first do a session with his therapist on my own. I am so relieved that I listened to her! I have realized that any additional information will most proba

General Discussion » Amazing changes coming to SSN » October 6, 2021 11:23 pm

oliviap
Replies: 170

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I agree with Lily completely. If the name was changed in order to attract donations it does not make much sense. When I started questioning my GID husband's sexual orientation, it took more or less 9 months to discover the existence of the SSN. It was only by chance that I discovered the site. I don't think I would have ever discovered OurPath. My husband and I were together for 42 years and I am 60 years old. I am definitely not tech savvy as the younger generation seems to be. My opinion is that the amount of new members will decrease because they will not be able to find OurPath on the internet. I think it is important that statistics of new members joining since the name change should be calculated and compared to statistics when the name was still SSN. The main purpose of this site is to assist partners who question or have realized that their life partners are or could be LGBTQ. The only way they can be assisted is by actually finding this site. SSN has been a life-line for me for the past 11 months. I sincerely hope that newbies will discover OurPath. I have my doubts.

General Discussion » Amazing changes coming to SSN » September 18, 2021 10:26 pm

oliviap
Replies: 170

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I have tried the following search on Google: "I think my husband is gay and I need support" .There were literally 100's of articles, research, blogs etc. When I got to page 5 of my Google search I stopped . There was no mention of OurPath and 1or 2 mentioning the SSN. This web-site is amazing and helped me immensely when my husband, of 38 years married and together for 42 years, told me he is gay. I also then only realized the SSN exists because I read an article by Bonny Kaye and the SSN was mentioned.  I think the most important consideration is to ensure that newbies are aware of it's existence. Is there no way that something could be done to ensure that straight men or woman(obviously newbies) can actually find this web-site easily in a time of need? If more people are reached, there will be more members and I think this could also be a positive for external  funding. Sorry if I miss something. I am not a computer expert and do not have any idea how search engines' work. 

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » April 9, 2021 11:36 pm

oliviap
Replies: 2397

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Hi Sean, I have a question about bizarre behaviour regarding my STBX. He used to get an erection every time he bathed our son as a baby. I confronted him with this at the time and he explained to me that he got an erection because he is so proud to be a father. Our daughter was born 2 years later and I specifically noticed that he did not get an erection when bathing her. I do not have any reason to believe that he abused our son sexually at any time forward. He confessed to be gay only 7 months ago at the age of 61 years. It was a complete shock for me but ,in retrospection, I now know that I missed many red flags - we were married for 38 years and together for 42 years. Question: can an erection be caused by being proud of your baby?

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » April 1, 2021 12:57 am

oliviap
Replies: 2397

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Hi Sean, our sex life was basically non-existing in the past 5 years. The reason was not really him - I did not want to have sex because it was very painful. Previous to this we had an active sex life, but I never found it very satisfying. I was still a virgin when we started dating and I did not have anything to compare it with. It was only when he started sleeping with men 12 months prior to his confession that he did not even try to fake any intimacy - he told me he had no sex drive. It also was at this stage that I started questioning his sexual orientation and I asked him if he was gay twice - he denied it. I then thought that it could be his medication that caused his lack of a sex drive. He always abused me emotionally and said things to me like "you stupid fucking bitch", "you fat fucking bitch" (I am not over-wheight)and I actually said to him that he treats our gardener with more respect than me. The emotional abuse got even worse when he started sleeping with men. He is a prize prick - problem was and is that I still love him. My story is a long and bitter one but the last thing that I ever thought was that I will divorce at the age of 60. He now has a 40 year old boyfriend and he does not even have the decency to treat me fairly financially. I just wish there was a button that you can turn to switch off your love...

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