OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 - Anon2222
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The "Little" Signs
What is a "little" something or habit your LGBTQ partner did that really emphasized just how little they cared?
Looking back on it....I am not a fan of a lot of facial hair. I can do neatly trimmed but short....but when it gets to the point where food gets stuck, or a guy constantly plays with it....Blah, not my thing.
After his first revelation about being "bi" he grew his facial hair out and I found it repulsive. It was not well kept, he constantly was twisting it around, getting food smushed into it, and just so off putting. I mentioned that I didn't find it super attractive and really liked it when it was shorter and more well kept. He would accuse me of not loving him the way he was and trying to change him. Or he would say that he never commented about my appearance and I could be a complete slob and he wouldn't care. He didn't understand why I didn't find this remotely comforting.
Then...he heard he MAY have to go to a work camp, where they are required to wear fitted respirators in the event of emergencies. He shaved everything off within the hour. It really hurt me and he didn't even notice. When I pointed out that he refused to do anything that I found attractive, and yet the moment work even hints at anything, he just snaps to attention....he was mad at me.
And that's when I found out, once again, just how little I mattered. For whatever reason, this has become the symbol of my marriage to me. Such a weird thing, and yet it just sums it up.
- oliviap
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Re: The "Little" Signs
That is very interesting. My LGBTQ partner always said that a man with a beard is hiding something. About three years before he told me he is gay, he started going to the gym, lost a lot of weight and grew a beard. He also was not satisfied with anything I bought him. The emotional abuse also started intensifying to such an extent that I was actually afraid of him. Looking back, I think he wanted me to divorce him, while I was just thinking that we are going through a bad patch. We were together for 42 years at that stage and we always had hi's and low's. I was looking forward to my retirement after working by his side for nearly 30 years. When he dropped his bomb I was completely devastated. This was almost three years ago and I still feel devastated. I really loved him very much and still do. To him I was just a piece of trash to be discarded at his will. I am still searching for the love off button and hope I will find it soon.
- Ordinary guy
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Re: The "Little" Signs
There are fetish types on the gay scene. It is awash with BDSM particularly dominant and submissive roles. Many prefer their “type” of man to appear to be Uber masculine in appearance. This makes them more attractive to submissive types in particular. It sounds like stating the obvious, but a lot of gay men are attracted to masculinity and not femininity. This is why the village people “dressed” as masculine stereotypes and why the image of a well muscled biker with a big moustache or beard is so alluring and popular. Your thoughts and feelings about his appearance mean very little to him. Your own appearance and feelings are taken with the same apathy.
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
- Anon2222
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Re: The "Little" Signs
oliviap wrote:
That is very interesting. My LGBTQ partner always said that a man with a beard is hiding something. About three years before he told me he is gay, he started going to the gym, lost a lot of weight and grew a beard. He also was not satisfied with anything I bought him. The emotional abuse also started intensifying to such an extent that I was actually afraid of him. Looking back, I think he wanted me to divorce him, while I was just thinking that we are going through a bad patch. We were together for 42 years at that stage and we always had hi's and low's. I was looking forward to my retirement after working by his side for nearly 30 years. When he dropped his bomb I was completely devastated. This was almost three years ago and I still feel devastated. I really loved him very much and still do. To him I was just a piece of trash to be discarded at his will. I am still searching for the love off button and hope I will find it soon.
*hug of support* I feel this, to my core. I still wonder if the pain ever stops.....
- •
Thread Starter- Blackie563
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine ex wife did something obvious, but I convinced myself it was a little thing. We had sex often, but zero intimacy. I am not a clingy type, but do like physical touch. Outside of sex, there was basically no touching for 19 years....looking back, pretty awful.
- Abby
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine would kiss me goodbye but not when he returned.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Rob
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine would give me like 4 squeezes on the back for a back rub..after I rubbed her back for 20 minutes.
I cried when a college friend gave me a real back rub. So illustrated what my GX thought of me.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Tara
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine ex wife did something obvious, but I convinced myself it was a little thing. We had sex often, but zero intimacy. I am not a clingy type, but do like physical touch. Outside of sex, there was basically no touching for 19 years....looking back, pretty awful.
Same same same. If there was physical touch or sex, I was primary initiator.
- Tara
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine would give me like 4 squeezes on the back for a back rub..after I rubbed her back for 20 minutes.
I cried when a college friend gave me a real back rub. So illustrated what my GX thought of me.
Omg yes. He was so awful it became a joke (bc I could tell he didn’t really try.)
Two summers ago I injured my back but due to muscle guarding, my whole neck/shoulder area got incredibly tight. I asked him to PLEASE just rub it for a bit. Which he did for literally 5 seconds and then offered to turn on a yoga video (which was what he wanted to do anyways).
- Ordinary guy
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Re: The "Little" Signs
Mine punched me and spat in my face. Then turned the fact that I didn’t hit her back into typical toxic masculine passive aggression.
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.