LostAtSea wrote:

Life is just hard today. It’s been almost 2 years and I feel overwhelmed. How did I get here?

Lately my mental health has been struggling. I have moments of PTSD from all the good and bad memories. Can any really be good if it was lies?

Today I just want to cry.....

 

You need a friend to talk to. And it doesn't matter if they're aware of your situation or not....often talking to anybody ,about anything enables us to pull ourselves out of the sadness that is, let's be real....comfortable to sit in sometimes and just be down. Exercise, a walk with headphones on so you have to listen to somebody else' voice, NOT the one in your head, housework too! Getting out amongst people?

I have memories still. When out of the blue, for no apparent reason... an event or happening in our long r'ship will come to me, and where it used to trouble me for hours/days sometimes it no longer does. I think because I've accepted that the choices my partner made were for him, not us and I've been able to separate the emotion I really really don't have to feel anymore from the more important stuff going on in my life. 

I no longer assign my memories as good or bad....they're just memories. I suppose you could say I look at them almost as a strangers memories. I can't change them, if I didn't instigate (as in all the tragic, sad, dishonest stuff our  husbands/partners did) then they're not really mine....and the best thing I can do is see them from a distance 

I wish I could hug you tight Lost. Small steps. How about a change of profile name?

Elle
 

I too, often sit and wonder "how did I get here?"

I am about 2.5 years into this and now heading down the divorce train. I didn't see it coming. And now with everything that has come out in the past 2 months (since the "I want a divorce" talk)....I find myself frequently wondering if the last 18 years of my life was a lie.

I also struggle with feeling incredibly naïve, stupid and gullible. I am trying to be kind to myself, but it is very difficult. I feel like a moron. Like, seriously, how did I not see this coming? 

I cry a lot. I was never a big crier. Since this happened, I swear I'm one giant water works. I feel like an emotional roller coaster. And some days are very, very bad. Other days I pull it together and keep on trucking.

Just know, you're not alone. And it's ok to have bad days, cry, be depressed, and feel all the emotions. My therapist even told me that it's a good and healthy thing to "embrace the bad". Because its a part of the grieving process. And if you don't let yourself feel and experience all the emotions, you get stuck.

So, grieve. And when you're ready, pick yourself up and go do something just for you. Virtual hugs from here too. We're all experiencing different levels of pain and suffering in this, so keep leaning on the group for support.

I ask that same question often.  It must be something in the air as I have also had a tough day.  I don’t really remember feeling myself now for quite a while.  It’s been 2 years. I’m not sure I can keep doing this. It’s hard. My husband thinks he can be a man when he wants and a woman when he wants. Sadly, I am not attracted to women.  Nice group - I happen to be one (a woman that is).  I just keep wondering when I will wake up.

I understand how you feel. I felt the same way. I was in a relationship with a gay man for nine years before I found out. They have good acting skills.

Lost,
 I'm glad you are feeling more hopeful and optimistic about yourself and your ability to craft a better future for yourself.  It's a positive step when we are able to move away from dwelling on how we were victimized to taking agency for our futures.  I think one reason you have questioned yourself ("blamed yourself," as you wrote), is that you were being manipulated by a master manipulator--for that is what our spouses do to us, manipulate us for their benefit.

One step at a time, Lost.  One step at a time gets you out; one step at a time moves you forward into new and more promising territory.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 18, 2022 6:24 am)