Hello to all,
Just checking in to say I'm still here kicking.  Haven't been on in sometime.  Honestly was so sick of complaining, needed to step back and look at what my blessings are. Not much new, still the same.  Still have good and bad days.  I hope all is well or better at least for the ones who have been on the journey for awhile.  For all the new ones here, may God Bless you with some peace, hang in there and give it time.  Spring is here, take a day, get out and enjoy it!  Blessings to all.
LC

Hello,
Free @ Curb rant is my smart-ass way of dealing with this situation.
Worn out Worn slick.
I have been trying to play nice since he broke his leg, tonight it blew up.
Although I know the crap behind it but
the audacity of his way of thinking still blows my mind. 
We went to house sit for the evening.
After about 5 hours he asked if I cared if he left (we only live a mile from the house sitting) so assuming he was going home I said I didn't care.  Homeowners came in, and that was when he said he was going to the city.  I asked why (made up crap) cut to the chase...I asked if he would be home when I got there, Approx 30 minutes later. He said yes. Needless to say he wasn't.   I tried to call several times wouldn't answer.  So as usual resorted to texting.  Our business is down because of his broken leg, we are absolutely broke financially. 
I get a few dollars from trying to sell stuff on ebay.  It gives me enough to put gas in the car to go to Dr apps and then pray I sell something else.
Anyway, I put a few dollars of gas in yesterday for Dr app.  So I text and told him I didn't have money to keep gas in the car, his 45 minute trip tonight burned the gas out.  I told him to replace it, with one his cronies...who knows.  Gone 6 hours, comes in @ 5 a.m. acts like nothing is wrong and I'm the crazy one.  Said he told me he was going.   Lots of gaslighting.  I told him he needed to go immediately, call his so called friends whoever just go. He acts like that is a surprise.  I reminded him that he was told the day after Thanksgiving to make arrangements, but because he broke his leg is why it had been delayed.
The car he went in, is not his, not mine, it's my Mother's.  I'm the one trying to keep gas in it for Dr appointments.  The Dr hasn't released him yet, because it's not healing as expected...another 4 weeks before the chance of a release.  So that means No Driving, but according to him he's  not released to go back to work.  And he didn't do anything wrong.

Beautiful by Mercy Me

Sunflower1,
Please find someone to talk to, this absolutely made my heart hurt when I read your confession.  Everyone here has had hopeless feelings, but they do pass.  We are here, but I think there would be an added benefit of finding someone in your area to talk to.  HUGS, take it day by day.  Tackle today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
May God Bless you with Peace
LC

jkpeace,
I hope I'm not coming across as everything is just easy peasy here because it isn't.  I learned from here (from Vicky) what gaslighting was, had never heard of it before.  That led me to reading up and watching a documentary on Narcissist behavior.  Those two subjects have brought much clarity.
My life with mine has been a 20 year love, education, re-think, second look at life.  I am almost 54 and have my moments of self pity, but I try not to stay in it.  I have my faith, I am a Christian and view many things from that stand point.  I as a believer have learned that forgiveness benefits myself as well as the receiver.  The older I get the quicker (that's not saying immediate 😊) I am to forgive. 
I am strong willed, have a tendency toward a quick temper (thank goodness not as quick as in my younger years) make my own mistakes, but with all that I always remind myself that I'm loving, honest, caring & compassionate person.  I'm  very much imperfect in my own ways.
God is in control of it all.  Nothing happens before it passes through his hands.  I ask why sometimes I seem to get what seems to be more than my share.  Then I wonder if maybe God has given me more because I am stronger than I think. 
Yes I feel the anger everyone else does, the hurt, the betrayal.
But at the end of the day I see mine and still have empathy,compassion & feel sorry for him and his torment. 
I think I'm rambling as usual, hoping something helps others.  I'll close for now.
May God bless with Peace & Love
Hugs to all
LC