After all this,…and, I really hate to say it, because if it had been this way when I searched when my husband was cheating…if it was this way, I never would have found all the stuff I found on his computer. Even though it was AT&T and a contact in his phone that I matched to their records that did the ‘trick, I never would have even thought to look there if I hadn’t found all that stuff on the computer. I learned how to find deleted searches and more…

NOW YOU CAN’T DO THAT on Chrome and probably others. I haven’t looked.

They have “Incognito” mode now, where you can search and leave absolutely NO history…….NONE. So, deleted history doesn’t matter since there is none. It’s on iPads and computers. The industry has made it easy to cheat.

phtttttt!

Hope,

I found out about my husband’s cheating through searching his phone, computer, etc -all with his knowledge and approval. (Even with all that stuff in there!). So, after he finally admitted to it (6/2019 & added all the rest of the men and the entire relationship 11/2019), I learned how to use “find my iPhone”. He had done his playing around during the day when he went to town to do his bids and jobs (he has his own company)…so, I had no idea of any of this. One of the places he went was the local porn video store and met guys in there, where they went in the little back rooms and did their thing.

He knew I was using the app. I don’t like to keep secrets like he did, so i tell him everything I do like that. I would check in frequently during the day & he was always where he was ‘supposed’ to be. It eased my mind and anxiety quite a bit. After awhile, I realized he was being trustworthy, and I started using it less and less because I trusted him more. It isn’t something I wanted to keep using. I had enough of that while searching to ‘catch’ his cheating, which I knew he was doing, but couldn’t get him to admit.

Now, I use it when I want him to pick up something, and I see if he’s already on his way home. If he is, I don’t ask him because if I do, he’ll turn around and go back…don’t want to make him do that 😉 (we live in another town). So, now it’s a useful app. He actually appreciates it.

So, for what it’s worth. that’s my story with this.

OH. And, another thing in trust. He cheated for the first 15 + years of our relationship. I thought I’d never trust him again. But, after using that app, and things he’s said and done; I believe he has been faithful for the last 2+ years, which is no guarantee for the future, but i do trust him right now 😊.

Good luck
 

CONGRATULATIONS! That’s a wonderful thing to celebrate! Good for the two of you. 

I wish the best for everyone here 💖.

WhyMe,

I am so sorry you’re having to go through all of this. I went through finding out we were living a lie, too, and it was the most devastating thing I’ve ever been through. The difference was that it was 15 years of random hookups having only oral sex and no emotional connections, so he didn’t want a relationship with a man, and stopped having sex with men, so we have been trying to rebuild…..or, I should say build our marriage since then (he had been doing it since Boy Scouts, so he was having sex with men before we did). But, ours is different, as is everyone’s situation.

You’ve gotten some great suggestions here from some caring people who have been through a lot of this themselves.

The main thing is to take care of yourself. YOU matter. Remember to breath & eat.. do normal things.
Everything will turn out al right for you in the end. You’ll be fine..this is the hardest part….not saying there’s not a hard road ahead, but you’ll get through this.

Do you have anyone to talk to? That’s always helpful. 

Take care of YOU (((((HUGS)))))

 

LostNAlone,

I’m so sorry for all that’s happened. I remember you were having problems with your husband bouncing in & out of the closet, but it looks like he’s pretty well ‘out of the game’ now. I’m so sorry. My first husband was straight (and faithful), and he had a bad heart & blood clots. After surgery, they also had to removed part of his dead heart and gave him less than a 50% chance of living 5 years. He lived 4 1/2 more….the difference was that I wanted him to live as we’d been married almost 32 years when he passed away & even though our married life was hard, our marriage was great because of our love…..We didn’t have sex the last 8 years because of his heart, but it was all right since it was health related and not something else…. We still loved each other just as much.

Then, comes your situation….Not to be callous, but have they given him a prognosis? It sounds like you’re having to be his caregiver and not getting to be his wife, which you weren’t able to be even before this happened. So, it isn’t like you’re just trying to jump ship because he’s ill. You already had this happening before then.

Have you both discussed the best course of action for the two of you to be as happy as possible? I know it isn’t going to be easy and neither of you will be “happy”, as we all dream of, but maybe you can come up with something that will work for you..

I wish you all the best. Hang in there.

(((((HUGS)))))

Susanne