Hi Guys,  thank you for commenting.  @Abby, I will not move away, because then I will be moving away from my support system and I do not want to unsettle the kids as they just got used to their new routine.  I think the coming holiday is a blessing at just the right time.

@ Rob, when I saw them I said to myself YES! now everybody will see that I am not the evil queen they think I am.  I am not following him on social media, but my cousin sent me the photo's and asked if I knew about it. Thats when the sadness kicked in. And I do want to keep an eye on whom he keeps company with, because my kids are exposed to this people over weekends.  Its kinda difficult when you want to break all ties, but the protective motherly instincts won't let you.
I talked to my mom about this and I feel much better now.  I could also forward the divorce papers to him this week (South Africa is slow on paperwork I guess) which made me feel very, very good.

I don't understand why some of the members condemn this new section.  Marriage is and always will be sacred.  I know of many marriages in my community where there is not so straight men involved and the women chose to stay.  From my own experience I can now relate to the loneliness, bitterness, hopeless  frustration they might experience. I do not understand the thinking behind it, but I do respect them for trying to keep their vows.  Thinking how I sometimes wanted to loose my head, I think they deserve support and someone that can listen without thinking "this woman/man is crazy".  

Hi Chmiddy6

Like you, I thought I married a good man. Even after discovering the GT I thought him to be a good, Christian man.  We were best friends too (big problem since that is all we were).  Once you confront him, that may change.  You may discover a whole new person that is less good than the one you know now - just a warning.  He might not tell you the truth.  He might lie straight to your face.  Please consider that being raised by a homophobic father might have him fear discovery more than he values truth and honesty between the two of you.  He is probably terrified of his secret being revealed and loosing you.  He might still be trying to fight against this SSA.  He would want to maintain the status quo and will defend that.  When confronting him, I would suggest approach with an open mind.  Know his normal behaviour and reaction and be open to read the signs of lies. Weigh what you know for facts against his responses and explanations. But I think you need to talk to him.  You need to decide what is important to you and what you can live with and he needs to understand that and meet your needs. The two of you are the most important components of that marriage - not one of you.  Both should be happy. 
I could not live with a sexless marriage and as soon as I told my ex that it completely rocked the boat.  I insisted on counselling not only with a therapist, but a sexologist because I would no longer put a bandage on the wound and moved on.  I wanted the source of the problem to be identified, cleaned and healed.  My ex was terrified to see a sexologist but I insisted and told him I will walk away and not look back because I refuse to continue with such a marriage.  He never went, but by that time I had my answer as to what I am dealing with.  

I feel for you and hope you find the answers that you are looking for.  
 

Hi Greyhound Gal

I am sorry that you find yourself here and for what you are going through.  Just discovering that your husband is or might be gay is a very unnerving and hurtful time.  

I have to ask if he was watching only this one (or two) times or frequently?  All straight men says you will not catch them on gay porn sites if their life depend on it.  I understand that your son coming out could make him curious, but I should think there is other ways to research and find information when you curious as to watch gay porn.  I did not watch gay porn to see what my ex was going through - I visited sites that could give me cold, hard facts (which I will not recommend as it scared the hell out of me). 

When you say his having trouble dealing and accepting it, does it mean he admitted that he is addicted to gay porn?  Does he ever watch straight porn (for if he was straight or bi, he should be interested in straight porn as well).
I am still new and very naive in this matter so I can only tell you what I did when I wanted to know the truth.  I thought of all our years together and how he behaved. I reconsidered everything that has ever raised my brow in the past and weighed it against this new possibility.  When we talked about TGT I studied my ex's behaviour so I could see if he was lying, because they will not tell us the truth.  If they was open to the truth, we would not find ourselves here.
It is okay to be scared and feeling betrayed. To be hurt.  But you need to know that you are not alone.  You can come here as often as you like and share whenever you like to get perspective on things.  The people on here are great on putting things into perspective.  Why don't you go and see a counsellor as well? A good counsellor is worth his or her gold and you can be as open as you want to be. It is good that you are talking, maybe you can go together as well.

Hugs from me
Mrs Lonely
 

Thank you everyone for your response.  

As it is, I have been hurt a lot by a lot of people in my life and forgiveness was always my choice.  Not always right away depending on what the issue was, but I always free myself of nurturing unhealthy and negative feelings.  I choose to do so and over time forget it.  I always know that when I look at a person and do not remember what they had done, I had forgiven completely.  I suppose this time the hurt run so much deeper and the betrayal is so big that it will take more time.  

Kel, I get what you say about expecting him to be a bully.  I had this conversation with a friend a while ago, but it seems though he and me said the words, I still did not fully grasp what it meant.  I was furious about the medical aid and how low that blow was so I vented to my friend after my spit with the ex.  I said to him:  What else does this man need to do before I believe that he is not the good person i believe him to be?  How low will he go to break me?  And his response was:  But you just refuse to break, don't you?  His done his worst and you still see the good in him.  Now at that point in the conversation I agreed and thought myself the world's biggest fool.  I still do.  Because like you said, I was still doing him a lot of favours though he gave me no thought.  So I stopped doing that and ever since then his behaviour's grown worse.  And every time I am amazed by it.  I do not understand where his dignity is. I keep expecting him to man up and take responsibility for his post divorce life.  Thus, the endless disappointments. I had hoped to be free of him at this stage, but it seems the more I withdraw from him, the more he comes for me.  
I have been in contact with the necessary people about the financials and hope to have that sorted asap. I dont even care about the medical aid, I am getting around that too. Thing is, the more I cope with what he throws at me, the more he throws at me.  I am getting