Thanks so much, Sean!

In regards to the third question, I guess I'm asking if you have experience with gay men who really believe that it's none of their wife's business as long as they're trying to be a good Christian.  He seems to believe it's SO common that it's not even worth mentioning and definitely not worthy of any marital discord.  I can't understand it.

Vicky - I felt like you for a long time.  We would talk about him watching gay porn and I'd tell him that I didn't really mind if he watched it as long as he was honest with me.  I told him that the only reason it bothered me was because sometimes he'd say he wanted to stop but then wouldn't be able to... that it was worrisome that he seemed to be conflicted and out of control.  This went on for 7 years.  Sometimes we'd talk about the things he was curious about with men and sometimes he'd act completely straight, just like you said.  I was in my 20s, very liberal and open, nonreligious and thought that there was no way he was gay because he seemed to be attracted to me.  I figured that if he was bi, even though he wouldn't use that word, that I couldn handle it because we loved each other and he was a good guy.  

Things went on like this until I found him emailing men off craigslist and asked for some time for us both to date other people (his other people being men - lots of them).  Even through that, were still best friends... up until the time I asked for a divorce and stopped letting him dictate terms.  He didn't want a divorce and he didn't want people to know about his SSA.  I quickly found out that his need to keep up a straight facade was his priority in life, not our relationship.  Everything changed and he became a lying POS who betrayed and discredited me at every opportunity.  When I stopped believing that he was "straight with an attraction to men" and wanted out, I became the enemy.  Things really got bad when I decided to tell my parents and a few friends what I thought and why.  I don't know why I was so surprised that he would lie about me to others after he spent 10 years lying through our marriage.  Even though your husband is sometimes throwing you little snippets of his true desires does NOT mean he's being honest with you.  If he was being honest, you wouldn't be so confused.  Like the folks on here say, it's just the tip of

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  My situation seems similar to yours... We were married 7 years, with a 4 year-old son when I found emails to men on Craigslist.  Though our sex life was lacking, but he seemed to be the one who always wanted it and I was the limiting factor.  Before we got married, he had told me about a gay porn habit, that was "no longer a problem" for him, which had developed because of some mild childhood trauma.  I drug out of him that he might be slightly attracted to the thought of men, but that he would never ever ever want to make it a reality.  I honestly thought it was cool of him to be so open and honest and wasn't worried one bit about his attraction to me.  I even told him that I didn't care if he watched gay porn on occasion as long as he was always honest with me.  I told him that it only worried me if it worried him.   After we got married, I'd find gay porn on a pretty regular basis, plus some dildos and other mysterious sex toys that he said he had bought for me.  I pressed him harder and got a bunch of excuses that you'll find on this forum are common:

"All guys are curious about gay sex/watch gay porn"
"I watch straight porn too"
"It's just a compulsion I have because of childhood molestation"
"I just like the way anal stimulation feels"

Then he joined the military against my wishes and I couldn't help but think it was to avoid his family obligations and play army with a bunch of men.  While he was gone, I cheated twice, confessed immediately twice, and the night of the second confession he left for a hotel and accidentally answered some M4M adds from my email instead of his.  The next round of excuses:

"I was drunk"
"I didn't go through with it"
"I would never want to have sex with a guy in real life" 

Since we were on the outs, I told him to go figure it out and, boy, did he.  He slept with about a dozen random dudes over the next month and told me all about it.  This was my big strong Christian husband te

Still Wondering - I have screen shots of his gay dating profile, texts from him talking about crushes on guys and then a text of him telling me that he's done with all that and is going to start dating women again, and correspondence between me and one of his boyfriends.  

Thanks for the advice, y'all!  My son is 6 and spends most of his time with me, so I'm hoping he'll just naturally see what kind of person I am.  The problem is that I "cheated" as well, but is was after 7 years of gay porn, sex toys, and lies.  I came clean immediately and the next day caught my ex sleeping with men on craigslist.  For this reason, he forever holds the title of "not the first to cheat," though I know better now.